Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers What Attracts a Man to a Woman?

I fell in love with my wife because she was intelligent, easy going, attractive but a tomgirl, not a princess. She brought out the best in me, and we complimented each other.

I wonder how many guys would say that they fell in love with and/or stay in love with their wives as a result of a balance or healthy tension between have and can't have? She's yours but there's a part of her that's always just out of reach.

So, I am very interested in this thread b/c this is a question I have pondered for some time.

So it seems to boil down to attractiveness is the main criteria. Am I getting this right?

Not what about weight? What if the gal is 30 lbs overweight? How about 50 lbs overweight?

What if the person you've been with- no longer wear's contacts b/c their eyes are too dry now, or makeup every other day as opposed to everyday. What if they, IDK, somehow get disfigured or get a hideously short haircut better suited for someone joining the army.

I guess what I am asking is... what if you wife is no longer a beauty? Then what?

(OK, I will admit, the last question applies to me...)

I think its the initial attraction that draws you in and the love is built on top of that over many years. All of the things I have loved about her become a part of her over many years. When I look at her 20 years after we met, in her in sweats with bed head I still see the witty, fragile, beautiful woman I fell in love. Those things have become a part of her. I see her beauty from the inside out. Sure I can look close and see a few wrinkles but it's still the beautiful woman I fell in love with.

alive - I think you are asking the million dollar question, and men just don't know the answer to it. My personal opinion is this: there is something inside of a man that gets triggered when he meets the right girl at the right time, and that trigger causes him to pursue her, become a better man for her, and want to go the distance with her and for her.

So this trigger is the chemistry between two people and cannot really be predicted. Its either there or it isn't. A man will see many many women as date-worthy, but only a few will appeal to him on that deeper level. He may be able to describe the attributes that he thinks he wants in a woman on a deeper level, but the fact is, he may meet a woman who has none of those criteria and fall head over heels for her anyway.

It is a thing that happens between two individuals and is always a unique mix and blend of attraction, chemistry, and fate.

However...this "thing" that happens, this trigger, does NOT mean it will last forever. As far as I know, there is *nothing that guarantees the spark will be there forever* and a man OR a woman may stop pursuing and trying to keep their mate....which is why then we need to rely upon partners in a marriage *learning to stay focused on the marriage* and work at it...not to let it rely on auto-pilot. This requires education.

If we just rely on the "thing" that happens between two people and makes a man want to pursue a woman for a deeper relationship...that is not enough. We already know that even when that happens, it may or may not last forever. There is no answer to "what will make a man want to pursue you forever". Basically, a man has to want to do it due to chemistry, but also he has to committ to himself to do it and keep doing it. There is no other way. There is nothing in nature that will cause him to stay on the same course for a lifetime...only his own will can do that.

DQ

true dat MOFO, word to your mother!
(hopefully I didn't sound too white when I said any of this)

But remember she won't respect you if you don't respect yourself so you pretty much control this part.

Do you mean that you respect her? Or that she respects you? Or both?

What does it look like for you when you respect, or are respected by, a woman?

Well both but I was really talking about her earning and keeping my respect over time...as a wife, mother, friend, etc.

I was always attracted to my wife, no matter how much weight she gained. She's lost 20 pounds this year (walking away, tearing yourself up inside, and not eating will do that)and looks great. But she's by no means skinny. One of the problems we always had, was that no matter how attractive I though she was, she thought she was too fat, frumpy, etc. She had a poor self image and refused to allow herself to feel sexy, because she didn't think she was.

I've seen plenty of obese women who look stunning and sexy, just by wearing well fitting clothes. These women seem to have a positive/confident attitude about themselves, and they seem comfortable with their bodies. So no, I wouldn't say it boils down to attractiveness. Confidence and being comfortable with who you are are attractive in their own right.

^