Stayed home again this weekend also. Three weekends in a row now. Woo Hoo I'm really building my strength.
Let's see... Friday night he came home and left again. Then I decided to go meet up with friends. When I got home ( not really late ) he was home already. H can see I have a social life! Cool!!
Saturday he had a work thing until 4:00. Then he came home and changed for the after work party. Work was legit, but I don't know about the party. Probably with skank. Came in before 11:00 to a W who was stretched out on the sofa in a sexy neglegie. Talked for a little while then went to bed.
Today he was home all day. We had a nice sunday dinner.
Now I know why they call it a roller coaster ride. Up down up down up down It really makes your stomach queezy.
Now I know why they call it a dance. He comes close he moves back he comes close he moves back I think we need some dance lessons. So we can dance away into the sunset!
Thanks for posting on my thread. Doesn't it feel good to go out and come home after they do! Whenever I come home I always hope he is already there. Sometimes I wonder though if it does more harm then good. This is the most scariest rollercoaster I have ever been on.
I know the roller coaster ride thing.....mine is in my head I think...but, still its there and it stinks. I am trying to find a level ground for myself, but its so difficult...cuz unfortunately, we care about them. Its annoying to me now....
I hate the roller coaster...its so unpredictable....some days I think, "oh, its all going to be ok"...and then reality sets in...I just don't know. In one way I miss my H and in another, I am scared to see him....I am so scared to be with him. I can't imagine what you must go thru on a daily basis...exhausting..... That week that my H came for a visit was seriously exhausting. But you are strong! Be yourself and be true to yourself. You are amazing! Own that MJ!
I hope your week is going better. Do you have anything planned for this weekend? Will check in with you tomorrow....have a good evening.
Well, the looonnng weekend is here. I have no plans, but H does. He left yesterday on the Harly to visit his family who live in another state about ten hours away. I don't know if he is alone. I was really hoping he was alone last time, and, well, you know the rest of the story. So, I'm trying to think positive. I did overhear him tell his mom on the phone a few weeks ago that he was coming alone. I don't know if things changed since then or not.
Yesterday when I was leaving for work, he followed me out to my car. He said he was going to be gone for a few days, and he would see me when he got back. I was so surprised by this connection ( little, but big for us ) that all I could say was "Oh, OK!". After I left, I decided to text him after I got to work. I told him to ride SAFE, and to have a nice visit with his family. Several hours later, he texted me a "Thanks" back.
Now for the part I'm having a great deal of turmoil over. When I got home from work, I found an envelope on my pillow, with my name on the outside in my H handwriting. It is a letter, not a card. I immediately went into panic mode. The strength that I have been gaining completely went out the window. I put it into my Bible. I am so afraid to open it. I know how he works. When he told me he was filing for D, it was right before I went back to a new school year ( I am a teacher ). When he told me he filed, it was right before Christmas. My attorney told me he contacted her with questions about D right before my birthday. And now, during this long weekend, he leaves this letter. As of this morning I still haven't opened it. I know, I know, I'm delaying the inevitible. If it's a nightmare of a letter, do I want to ruin my weekend? Is not opening it, and agonizing over it, analyzing it, ruining my weekend? Does he want to push the D through immediately, since its been in a lull for so long? Is he telling me he is moving out when he gets back? Is he telling me he took skank to meet his family? " I, YI, YI!"
Then on the other hand... Could it be something wonderful that I would be Blessed to read immediately? It would make for a wonderful weekend!
Then the analyzing of where he left it. If it was bad news, would he leave it on my pillow? Wouldn't bad news be left on the counter, table, or somewhere neutral?
I even thought about not opening it at all, by making it look like it fell behind my bed and I never saw it. My dog gets off and on my bed all the time.
On a side note... The girl who does my hair, told me she saw H at his work function last weekend. She said there was a strange personna about him. Couldn't really put it in words. She said almost like an emptyness. She hadn't seen him in a while, and said even his physical appearance was surprising to her. She also said he was alone.
This isn't my idea of an exciting weekend! lol The JOY of the LORD continues to be my strength! I pray he gives me the answer soon as to when to open the letter, or what to do with it.
I had a good feeling you girls would check in on me. ((HUGS))
So... What do you think? What would you do? Open the letter and put a major damper on the weekend if he wrote something I'm not praying for. OR Not open the letter until weekend is almost over and analyze the heck out of it until then. OR Ignore it, and if it comes up tell him I never saw it, and do the " Oh there it is, the dog must have knocked it behind the bed.
My dream would be to open it, and find it to be a letter of him wanting to rebuild our M. On GODS solid foundation of course. That would be an abundant Blessing.
I called my very good Christian friend soon after I found the letter. She has been by my side throughout this situation. She offered to be with me when I read it. I might even have her read it first. Maybe she can break my fall if its not good news. She told me she had a good feeling about it. The reason she feels this way, is because of the love I have shown him during this time.
How are things going with you two? One day at a time right? May GOD shower us with HIS Blessings!
How are you holding up? I thought about you earlier and wondered if you had caved and opened the letter yet. I don't think I could stand the suspense!
Okay, I guess my opinion would be to go ahead and open it sooner rather than later, especially if your friend is with you. If it is bad news, how much worse could be than what you have already had to deal with - impending D and an OW? If it is bad news (or even good) you would have time to process it over the long weekend. And if it is good news, it would also need processing. It does seem that maybe things aren't going so great with OW so who knows.
That's just my opinion. Only you know if you are ready to read it! It's great you have such a good friend there to support you and be there for you. I know you can handle whatever the letter says.
As of yet, I haven't read the letter. I put it in my Bible when I first discovered it on my pillow, and there it sits.
I wondered why he didn't leave until after I went to work that morning. Usually when he takes a trip on the bike, he is up and out real early.
I just don't know if I'm up to opening this letter from a H who is an MLCer. I've had enough heartbreak to last a life time. We all have. It's kinda like opening Pandora's box. Oh, I just don't know. If it had been from DH at any other time, I would have opened it in an instant. The analyzing of where he put it is driving me crazy right now. If it was blah,blah,blah, I would think he would have left it on the counter. He sealed it, and layed it on my pillow.
I'm getting away for a few hours to see fam, I will be back tonight.
Sounds like a good place for the letter to sit and wait.
I know what you mean about reading something written by the MLCer. I used to love seeing a card/note/whatever from H because I knew it would make me feel great. Now, I think I would worry - not that I have had anything to read.
I hope you had fun with your family and were able to get your mind of the letter for awhile!
That would be an abundant Blessing.