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Well, I've had a majorly crappy afternoon.

The morning was beautiful. Had a leisurely time getting dressed for church, wonderful worship and sermon this morning, very applicable to where I am in my life at this moment. All was going well.......until......

Gabe called to tell me he was bringing Marc home early (about 3 hours early) and he needed to talk to me. I immediately thought Marc must have done something to get into trouble there but didn't voice that. Gabe quickly told me that Marc was fine and it wasn't anything to do with him. Oh crap.....that could only mean he wanted to talk about something that was going to affect me poorly. Yup. He sat down on my porch and told me that he wasn't going to go into details but he and the broom had, in his words, "another blow up this morning" and he is leaving and moving back to California in two weeks. I'm totally and completely going to be a single parent now. No help at all. Gabe sat on my porch for 45 minutes crying and telling me what a screw up he is and how he ruined my life. We talked for a while with lots of circular speaking that got neither of us anywhere. He's a mess and he has to fix his mess. I'm just freaked about what he might do to himself after some of the things he said. He's going to live with his mom in her tiny 1 bedroom apartment and she's totally emotionally unstable. GREAT! Just where he needs to be.

Wow....((((((((Mish)))))))))

Well done for talking to him like that and giving him your time. Thats really compassionate of you.

Thats bad news for you though hey, as you say, with him leaving like that.

I believe him on the broom thing.. you remember the last time they had that blow up? It was Venus square Pluto (Venus-Pluto patterns are several years long and are the cause of affairs.. it is said there are always 3 people involved where there is venus-pluto). Well today, Venus was AGAIN squaring pluto exact, just as it was last time.

Its a crisis point. I know you are worried about him, but I see it as positive. You have to hit rock bottom before you can pull your life together and turn it around. If he is split with ow, having to move counties, live with his Mum again (oh dear god) at 41 and not see his child.. if he was crying and as desperate as you say, then guess he is hitting bottom.

Perhaps that will be a good thing for you and Marc, in the long run, IF Gabe manages to pull himself together.

I guess you can just keep on being a supportive friend and see how it goes. Sorry you will now be a single Mum though, which I guess means you wont even get a night off from being with Marc, as there is nowhere else for him to spend an evening? And also, it will be hard and confusing for Marc, with his Dad going away?

Just when you dust yourself up, you get hit with another incoming hey Mish? Rememebr I looked at your chart and said you had like 5 bad transits all at one time? They are slowly turning in their orbits and as tough as life is right now, I promise it WILL get better one day !!!

Didn't sleep at all last night. I feel like there is sandpaper in my eyes and my head is going to spin off of my shoulders. My mind is whirring.....everything is so overwhelming already and now this is going to make things even harder. No support at all in any way is going to kill me. I can't even begin to imagine how this is going to affect Marc. He is so stoic about things. I sat him down to talk to him about how he was feeling and his words were exactly the same as when I told him we were getting divorced, "These things happen." OMG, where does he get these things? Probably from Gabe.

Hey Ali, any idea when the end of these 5 bad orbits is supposed to be? I can't take one more thing. I'm going to shatter at any moment.

I got a question...not to make light of all this but...

have you really lost anything if he moves back to Cali?? I mean he has taken your mom to a few appointments correct...and has helped out with marc some but has he really done that much??

This might actually be a good thing for you..it might be the best of things for both you and Marc...

wish him well...I might even go as far as taking him to the airport and making sure he gets on the plane..

you and you alone will determine your happiness....

I have all the confidence in the world in you...you've proven time and time again when you get knocked down you always just back up and start swinging again..

go get em...

Good points Mike.

The only thing I'm losing by him going back to CA is him in Marc's life. Nearby, able to help with him. Go for haircuts, take him to karate, take him off my hands every other weekend. That break is huge for me and I won't have that anymore.

On Marc's side, he is sad but I'm sure he will be ok. I just don't know how to be a dad! He has to be taught to shave, drive a car, talk to girls (lord help me), be a MAN! I am not equipped to do that. I was talking to a man in my financial study last night and he was telling me that he is involved in the Big Brothers program and has some contacts he can get to me. Maybe that could be a good bridge.

I haven't told anyone in RL because I'm frankly to embarassed but I'll tell you here. I have an interview tomorrow morning to hopefully qualify for food stamps. I feel so ridiculous doing this when there are so many people that are much worse off than I am but I'm so tired of struggling as hard as I am. I have a feeling they will turn me down because of mom's social security income (even though I don't benefit from that). We'll see.

Oh....and.....he is driving back to CA. In the '96 Buick Park Avenue that is on it's last legs as it is. This should kill it good!

He can hitch if he has to - I know you care very much for Gabe, but it seems that this may be the wake-up call he needs. It can't be pretty or it won't get through his head.

I think the Big Brother program is an awesome idea! They do things with the kids, too, so you can still get your break occasionally. Contact the school, too - they often have mentor programs that match a corporate person up with kids who can use an outside "ear" during the day to talk, play a board game, get advice, etc. Marc is also involved in karate - can you talk to the teacher to see if he knows an older student or family who might "mentor" Marc, as well? Do I remember him being in Boy Scouts - another place to look.
Of Marc's friends, is there a family who would consider letting him go to a sleepover, even once a month?

Do not feel badly about asking for help - that is what it is there for. When my daughter had to have major surgery, I had to search out help from our small town's social service department. The woman there was so understanding, telling me to go to the pantry anytime I needed, set me up with a town-based organization who helped families (they ended up paying for my son's preschool for 3 months, 2 mortgage payments, 3 months electric bill...)
Once things were better, I gave back - still do. I cook for families, donate when and what I can, etc.

Also, how is your mom's SS not helping? I hope that she contributes to the bills! Have you contacted the local hospital for caregiver's respite services? You might even be able to have a homecare worker come and give you some "time off," help with housekeeping, etc., a few times a month.

Please, try not to be embarrassed. These are the circumstances you find yourself in, now - it won't be forever. Just be determined to do whatever you need to, to make sure that YOU are ok, so you can take care of your son (most importantly) and your mom (btw, any sibs you can call on, if only for some financial support?)

((((((Mishka))))))

In my opinion, you not benefitting from your Mom's social security income is an example of her using you as a doormat. You are giving a lot for her, and have for a long time.

The Big Brother idea sounds like a good one!

Oh, make sure that you don't loose the ability to get the child support that's due, when he gets work. Sooner or later he will.

I agree with Donna. I am going through some bad stuff myself since ex filed bankruptcy and everything came back to me. Now I have had to file as well. Doesn't seem to bother ex in the least.

Anyway, everyone may need some help now and then. Don't feel bad for asking. You may find that you have several options that you hadn't even thought of. Sometimes you show your strength by knowing you need some additional help and asking for it.

hugs, kat

There were lots of financial ideas on the divorce care emails, day 185-216. You can look at any day if you sign in. There were some things I hadn't thought of, and in the end, it is a balance between being proactive and then trusting that things will work out. Look at it as a problem-solving challenge - you can do this!