I just called my dad to check in. He's angry. Telling me to move out, cut off contact, stop talking to her. W has made herself an opponent. I should not have to live with her. The mediation won't work, it's a rediculous idea. I'll end up the loser. Need to get a lawyer and take her to court. I had just called to say hello.
He's disgusted, really. Said, I don't know how you got yourself in this mess.
I feel very alone.
Well, dropped the kids off wiht my MIL. Asked her, what do you think about all this - she's very discouraged about the situation. She said she was so relieved when it "blew over" 6 years ago, but doesn't look like it's going to blow over now. She said the way it sounded, we're not meeting each other's needs, and W wants a different life, that that she doesn't understand what that's going to be like.
So, dropped by Guitar Center, and played a bunch of guitars. Mm if I wasn't spending money on lawyers... Sat in Starbucks and read a book for awhile. By buddy is out of town this weekend.
Karen, I don't know what to make of it, her following me around talking to me, saying she misses me, asking if she can call over the weekend.
I hear how you feel about being alone Bill. The W and I moved to a new town almost two years ago and did everything together then I get back to town and she is done. Just remember to keep your head up and your PMA. You have your boys and need to be strong for them. Your dad sounds like a strong man how would he handle a woman treating him like your wife is treating you? I haven't read your whole sit but can't she move out.
Go do something that you can do. Go listen to a local band instead of looking at guitars you can't buy right now. The W and I were going to try to get pregnant one month before she dropped the bomb. I found it hard to watch my niece after that cause I kept thinking of what I should of had. Those times are gone so now I think about how much better my next W will be instead of how things would have been if she didn't hit the crazy train. The biggest regret that I have in this whole mess is that I didn't detach/ move on sooner. Good luck
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
Karen, I don't know what to make of it, her following me around talking to me, saying she misses me, asking if she can call over the weekend.
My guess would be since you distanced yourself a little bit, she's trying to reel you back in and make sure you're still going to be there for her. I think what you probably should do is keep yourself super busy GALing this weekend and miss her call. And then don't call her back 5 minutes later, but when you get a chance.
You need to distance, detach, and help her realize D will not be as she imagines. Not by being unfriendly, but I don't think you should be comforting her when she's upset about what she's putting your family through by her choices & not act like her bff when she's divorcing you. Cut down on chats with her; keep them brief and always end them first.
I do think at some point your W is going to realize that D is not as she pictures in her head now; some fantasyland where everything in her life is perfect; she'll have all the positive stuff of marriage without actually being married, and the positive part of being single but still depending on you for support. I just think detach now, b/c if you let it go on for too long, I would imagine when she does realize her fantasies are fantasies and wants to reconcile with you, you may not be interested at that point.
What would my dad do? He wouldn't DB. He told he what he'd do - he'd pack up his things, move out, and hire the best lawyer he could find.
GB thanks for the input - yeah, it's been awhile since I've been on my own - no kids, nobody. Thinking about going to church tomorrow.
I talked to my sister for a long time tonight. Made me feel a lot better. I guess I communicated better this time.
Karen, thank you for your advice. I agree.
Researched apartments again today. Sigh. Sooner or later we're going to have to come face-to-face with selling the house. Maybe that's a good thing for W to be confronted with.
Dang house. Upstairs is hot and donwstairs is freezing, paying an arm and a leg for electricity (air conditioning). Builder sucked too. There's an appeal to selling it.
When he asked me to explain I said that it would mean I would no longer live in limbo, that I wouldn't be hanging around, that we would no longer date, or meet for dinner, or spend holidays together as a family and that I would no longer consider him family or friend. And, I added, that I would not be alone.
Stunned silence followed as he took it in. He looked at me to see if I meant it and I didn't blink. He blinked many, many times.
I'm processing this. How do I say something like this to my W. And mean it. Would it make a difference.
When he asked me to explain I said that it would mean I would no longer live in limbo, that I wouldn't be hanging around, that we would no longer date, or meet for dinner, or spend holidays together as a family and that I would no longer consider him family or friend. And, I added, that I would not be alone.
Stunned silence followed as he took it in. He looked at me to see if I meant it and I didn't blink. He blinked many, many times.
I'm processing this. How do I say something like this to my W. And mean it. Would it make a difference.
Don't. Say. It. Right. Now. You are still too new to the sitch. And you don't ever want to say it unless you mean it and can live with the consequences. I still mean it. I still would live it if he filed.
It can be a disaster to just pull things off of other threads and throw them into your sitch. Just keep it in your back pocket, or on a note, or something like that.
Don't get ahead of yourself, Bill.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
BUT BUT BUT - I do need to change. My approach, my thinking, my detachment. You, Karen, GIMA, everyone else have been telling me. So, processing this. Just seeing what it feels like in my head. But you're right, I don't want to be reckless.
