Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again The DB two step

OT,

I was not blaming you for anything by the way I just miss understood,
I am affaid though just like it takes two to have an affai.. it takes two to fix a marrage

It definately does take two, im finding that out the hard way.

Ya know fightingirish,

Just like any disease or addiction you can only do so much for someone else.
Like if my wife was an alcoholic. and with this drinking problem she killed someone in a car accident (the affair).I have taken all of the booze out of the house, I have told her I understand she has a problem, I have asked what I could do for her (no reply) I myself have gave up drinking alcohol (sex) even though I enjoyed it and it was never a problem with me just to help her.
Until she acknowledges the accident and her drinking problem and ASKS for help I can no longer help her.
I will be true to my family; I will be true to my son. But I no longer have a reason to be true to my wife. AND or those of you who say “you are still married” My marriage ended along time ago. It’s time to pull the plug on the life support that I have been trying so hard to keep. If it survives then great. If it dies the it was meant to be.

Doc I hear ya on this one.

I've just got my fingers crossed that when you truly detach, drop the rope, move out,move on etc that W soon relises what she is missimg and about to lose and pulls you back in.

In the meantime maybe it's time to "fill ya boots".

Take care Doc

Lanzo

Being true to your son would be not giving up. And, I am one of those that says "you are still married."....I find myself shaking my head at what you just said.

I can tell you this: Your marriage is not close to being over, and just because you have an opportunity arising where you may come in contact with someone of the opposite sex, with no responsibilities to rush home to (meaning work), that does NOT mean you have the right to have an affair. You are still married, and your marriage isNOT done.

Believe me, you are thinking about playing with fire., And, if your marriage starts turning around, you WILL get burned. This is NOT the time to throw someone else into your marriage. Even if you were divorced today, you are no where near ready to be with someone else. YOur emotions are all over the place, and you are lonesome, needy, and haven't ever detached enough to just be happy with yourself for an extended period of time. Detach, but don't go around messing around. Bad idea. Just the fact that you seem to be saying, "There. I told you what I'm feeling, and if you don't do something ina few days, I'm off to go picking up chicks, and it's ok because I told you ahead of time."

I'm sounding so harsh, but I said those same things to myself. I wish I could have had somjeone that would have knocked some sense into my head and told me to shut up and stop acting like a child. It's nonsense, and because of my nonsense I'm dealing with a much bigger problem than I had before my affair.Married is married.

"I'm sounding so harsh, but I said those same things to myself. I wish I could have had someone that would have knocked some sense into my head and told me to shut up and stop acting like a child. It's nonsense, and because of my nonsense I'm dealing with a much bigger problem than I had before my affair. Married is married."

Again No you are not sounding harsh. To me you sound compassionate about marriage. But see what it took to get you there? I hate to say it and I am not saying this because I want to have an affair or I want to get even.
I am afraid I blew the opportunity in the beginning when the affair first came out. That was the time when I should have held my wife accountable.
YES I KNOW IT WAS NOT THE AFFAIR. But that was the time when loosing everything was possible and my wife would not have settled into her comfort zone.
She needs an eye opener again. Not I having an affair but something that makes her realize that tomorrow will not be just another day.

Honestly if after finding out about your affair your husband would have said ‘oh that’s great. I am so glad you enjoyed yourself” and then everything was back to normal would you still be trying? It was the fact that you realized what you did and what was happening to your marriage and the hurt it caused that made you think… right?

FYI.. Wife is going on a camp trip with her cousin on Tuesday and will not be returning until Thursday after I leave and I will be gone for a total of 10 days… this is the longest time we have been apart in years….

WHen is this thread going to lock up….?

These days you have to lock them up youself, I've seen a couple of threads go past 500 (mods must be on strike).

Lanzo

Hopefully I will have a 180 and start a new one.

"She needs an eye opener again. Not I having an affair but something that makes her realize that tomorrow will not be just another day."

Again, read PM.

Dr. Love and OT -

I'm reading PM right now. It is NOT an easy read.

DL, if you read it, make sure you are ALONE. I've been sobbing almost every minute reading it. But, I have to tell you. Both times I've sat down, read it, worked through the hard things to "hear," and cried it out, I've felt an inner peace afterward. I had two hours of it this afternoon, and was in an awful place before and during... Wow, do I feel better. It's settling, just understanding.

I have to say, too, DL, that I read so much of me in you. (Except I'm the W!) It is painful to see your updates, because I am screaming at the screen, "NO NO NO!!!!" But, internally, knowing, I "could" be doing the same damn thing! Luckily (for me), you're a step ahead of me!

Take OT's advice! Read PM! Have a box of kleenex, and take out your contacts (if you wear them).

I'll be following you. I am expecting you to pave the way for me.

Now come on! Put that silly game away, pull back on the pressure, and give her someone to ENJOY first!