Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers What to do when H doesn't contact?

Well that was kind of tricky I was in bit of dip feeling at a crossroad,kids middle age wondering were my life was going.then I had some major life trauma. serious car accident in my classic 65 Mustang and my fathers death the same day.after that I had a major meltdown,one day on my way to pick up my kids from football practice I had an anxiety attack that was so bad I thought I was dying.that was my wake up call.after a year of therapy and meds I now fell better than ever even with the BS going on with my marriage,which my previous behavior was definitely a catalyst.but I still pray and stay hopeful that in time it can be saved,but at least I know I have been.

God Bless.

@ walkbyfaith
Being a man it doesn't shame me to say that brought to my knee's
while I wept out her name....

Thanx

God Bless

Well,

I wrote H a letter letting him know that I forgive him for what he has done and also asked for forgiveness for the things that I did wrong during our M. I told him that I am opening the door for him if or when he ever wants to return. I felt like something was telling me to do this then I was listening to a CD from rejoice ministeries and Charlene asked does your spouse now that they can come home? That so many S's didn't return for years because they didn't know that they were welcome to return.

I just hope I did the right thing. I did it because I do truly forgive him because he is ill (depressed), and never acted like this before. If anything ever happened to either one of us I want him to know that me and the kids love and miss him. I didn't ask him to come home and didn't beg or plead. Just put it out there. We haven't spoken in months and months only at the hearing on the 3rd and I just told him that D12 misses and loves him.

Need advice here.......do I send it? I feel like God is telling me to send it and it's the right thing to do. And to put my pride aside. Since I have no other way of contacting him.

IMO, send it. Do you have anything to lose at this point?

Thanks Mish! Didn't know what to do. The DBusting tells you to play it cool and do the act as if so I was so confused!

Thanks Harpo for sharing! It means alot to me!

Last year we put S16 on meds for anxiety and it's helping him. H didn't believe in meds but even he sees a difference in our son. I am SO HOPEFUL that one day H will be open to trying meds as well. But I don't recommend you suggest it to him... that didn't go over too well!

Here is my update on my sitch. I'm not good at all. My son tried to take his life on Monday night. I'm such a mess! First my husband screamed and yelled when he got to the hospital and said he was going to have our daughter taken off of me etc. then he left. He returned and appoligized for acting that way. He came to be with me because I was by myself and wouldn't you know my sister that I haven't spoke to in 4 yrs. because she is married and had multiple affairs made a move on my husband. And he told me about it and all hell broke loose between me and her. So her being there I could have screamed! She hasn't bothered with my son in 4yrs. and then has nerve enough to come there without my consent. So when me and my husband were talking outside of the hospital she made sure she stood and sat there and put her 2 cents in whenever she could. When my husband said to me you don't get depressed all of a sudden out of no where claiming he has had it now for 5 yrs. He was blaming the marriage and she comes off with that is what is causing her depression (her marriage). Way to go sis!!!! I should have told her to just leave but I was so worried about my son I couldn't think straight! Then I got up and went into the hospital waiting room and left them outside, she came in 5 min. later and then said to me, maybe you should go outside with your husband because maybe he wants to talk. So I go out and have a cig. and he says nothing the whole time so when I was finished I went back inside and he sat there outside for a good hour then got up and left. He called the following day blocking his number and asked if my son was returning to school and I said yeah Y? And he said because he had insurance forms and signed them and was sending them to me to fill out and I just said ok. Then he said he called my son and I asked if he sounded ok and he said yes and I haven't heard a word since, and never got the insurance form. In the mean time I sent a letter to him on Monday before all of this happened letting him know how the door is open if or when he ever wants to return and asked him to forgive me for all of the awful things I said to him out of anger because of the lies he was telling people over the separation. Not knowing this was going to happen to my son, and told him that we all miss and love him. No begging or pleading and then this! My son was released on Friday and keeps asking about my husband but he has made no attempt to contact him again or our daughter.

Ms. Jen,

My H was already on meds and stopped taking them and that's where this all started. I already made the mistake of telling him he needs them again in the beginning of our separation back in Nov.

I'm very sorry to hear about your son and hope he is doing well.

Right now your H is suffering from depression so no matter what you do or say isn't going to make any impact on him.

For now, concentrate on your S. He needs you now not your H. You are so busy worrying about your H's reactions, how he feels, his anger, etc. Your S tried to take his own life! Focus on him.

Your H isn't going to get better unless HE decides he wants to get better. With you being there in front of him pursuing, he can blame you for all his anger and hurt.

I pray your S gets better.

Lost41,

I am so sorry to hear all of this. My first question is how is your son doing today? Do you know why he tried to take his life? Has he spoken any on it? Is he in counseling to try and help? What kind of lifestyle does he have? Does he go to church? Does he do drugs or drink alcohol or is he clean of those sort of things? Did he give hints in the past before he attempted to take his life? This is all very scary and very sad and I have no doubt very over whelming.

I agree that your sister did not need to be there given the circumstances. However, that does at least show that she has a heart that may be starting to reveal itself for you and your son.

As far as your H goes, I am glad that he came and also called your son to check up on him. I'm not sure why he would assume that he needs to take your daughter away fom you because of issues your son is having and needs help with. How is your daughter doing? Is she handling things ok? Did this incident freak her out? I'm sure it was a bit scary for her to see her brother attempt this.

This is obviously a terrible situation. I pray that God be with you and your family and that he strengthen all of you.

I'm sure your H just probably flipped out over the whole incident and didn't know quite how to handle it.

How is your daily walk with God coming? I know that you need him now more than ever.

I'm sure you were terrified. It is in our weakest moments that God gives us the graces and strength we need to keep going and stand strong on our feet through anything that life throws at us.

You are truly having a lot thrown at you and I pray that a light at the end of the tunnel reveals itself soon to you.

Whatever you do, don't turn away from God. He is the only one that can see you through everything. Pray for mercy and unconditional love.

Kevin