CRAP! You're teasing me! I'll reply a bit later... I'll stick a quick journal update in first...
Saturday am S12 had a soccer game. Played the Madison FC U13 tteam. We didn't look good, but we tied. S12's girlfriend came, and I think his head was not in the game! I told his coach to thump him back into focus next time he sees the cutie brunette on the sidelines by me!
Took the boys out on the water Saturday afternoon. COLD!!! It was fun, though, and we took them to this bar/grill on the river for dinner. Good beer, good food, good fun.
Sunday was my Mom's birthday. She wanted everyone to go bowling (WHAT?) and out to lunch. That was all fine... D18 gave me a bit of a problem, prior to the event, but she ended up doing the right thing (AFTER she gave me an ulcer for the day!). It was good to have everyone together again. It had been awhile. Oh, the joys of club soccer!!!
After lunch with the fam, H and I took S12 and S9 for a stock up grocery shopping excursion. Here's where ONE of us hit a snag... (Now mind you, until this point, ALL has been going really good...) I meet them there, as I had driven separate. H calls my phone, asking where I'm at, and I tell him I'm in the entrance waiting for them. He says they're inside talking to some old friends. So, I go in, and he has taken off to the restroom, and the old friends are kind of joking around, and always were jokers w/H and me. However, Female Friend says, "Oh, that H, he's so funny..." Thought bubble (a f'ing riot really, I can't contain myself anymore... LOL) Male Friend says, "What a potty mouth for a Sunday!" He says it laughing, as he is too... I ask what he's talking about. He says, it was just funny. Then female friend says, "You know, H, he's always being silly. I asked him where you were and he said he got rid of you." LOL OH, SO FUNNY! H shows up then, acting completely normal, engaging, etc... Now, he is a joker, and especially if he's uncomfortable. This guys is a bit of a "basher," so I'm sure H was just playing along... BUT INTERNALLY I'M F'N PISSED!
I shop, seething, but don't say anything, and am just quiet. Pretty soon, half way through the shopping, I feel like I'm going to pass out from the anger, stress on my brain.
PRE-BOMB, had he said something like this I would have called him on it, in front of them, jokingly and bopped him on the head. POST-BOMB, it hurts. I know he was just being silly, and didn't intend for me to hear about it/know, but geeeeeeez!
Anyways, we get through it, and he is clueless.
We get home, and now the activity of the afternoon/evening is a switch of the boys rooms... D18 has moved out, now S9 wants her room, and S12 is interested in moving out of his room now, but decides against it... This is now requiring re-painting of four rooms, new cable connections for tv's, window treatments, etc...
OK, Miss Controller, rolls with the punches, and lets them all spin in this chaos. Then, H needs to run to the store to get something to do some cable work. Calls me and says he is thinking of buying them new TV's, as the ones they have are ancient, and leftovers from our lake house (that we sold and moved from four years ago). OK, fine, have fun picking them out... I'm going to make dinner (it's now 8:30pm), and he says he will be home soon. Half our later he's home, and I've made something he LOVES, and he's thrilled. We have a fun dinner. Then, H decides to show the boys the TV's he got them. So, it's now almost 10pm, and we have JUST BEGUN the project of setting up TV's! (Not to mention their mess of boxes, packaging, papers, etc...) So, I tell them, HOW FUN! Let's see what they look like... Just do me a quick favor, guys... Can you do S9's first, as they have school in the am, and PLEASE get rid of your garbage as the cleaning ladies are coming in the am? They agree happily and get about their business of tv's.
So, we are now repainting four rooms, re-wiring cable to two rooms, moving three beds, getting new window treatments in one room, moving two, and, creating a new guest room. All without ME throwing in unsolicited opinions (H, however, is seeking me out every 3 minutes to see what I think.).
Painter is here at 4pm today! GOD! LOL
Oh, and the back stairs carpet is being replaced.
Is it me, or is this odd? Hey, I'm just going with the flow...
I may, as a 180, tell H that I had an odd exchange with the couple while he was in the restroom, and wanted to share that I don't know what he said, but his words gave the couple the opinion he was talking about getting rid of me, jokingly. And, that it's not... funny... considering the circumstances. And, leave it.. with no tears, nothing.
Input appreciated.
Or just leave it?
you don't touch that...what he says....should not effect you....
Leave it...
but...next time jerk that towel off him...especailly if it's a playful type thing..I would like to see what his response is..
I'm actually beginning to think that he may have some physical problems..
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 09/01/0902:37 PM.
I know you're proud that I didn't say anything! It didn't come easy, though!!!
You'll like this one, too... I was actually, first, considering opening the shower curtain a bit, and giving him the head to toe "look." WHEN (not IF) he said something, I was just going to tell him I was making sure still looked hot! LOL
I'll try it. I'm down 5lbs. The ol' MB/MF is starting to peek out!
I wonder about the physical, as well... Let's see what happens next. Sh!t, if that's it, I'll kill him. TAKE A DAMN PILL! I KNOW we're past the stressfulness of what was affecting him initially with us. No evidence of it, whatsoever now... The taxes are being handled, our house isn't draining us too badly, I'm contributing to our income again, D18 is moved out (he adores her, but she added a certain amount of teen angst/ISSUE to the mix), boys are good... He doesn't seem too interested to do or go anywhere with just me, though. However, on Monday's when he's home, and the boys are at school, are some of the times when he is starting to feel more like him again.
ODD
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I wonder about the physical, as well... Let's see what happens next. Sh!t, if that's it, I'll kill him. TAKE A DAMN PILL!
ok..I'm gonna play devil's advocate...let's say it's physical...let's say something is wrong with him that leads to "it" not working...could be an enlarged prostate..could be his body has a testosterone problem...could be his heart, high blood pressure..anything..could be stress..
there is "nothing" that I can think of that would be harder for a man to handle, as far as physical problems go..unless it was something that could possibly lead to death...
if it were me and I had that problem..it would be very difficult for me to deal with..and for me to seek help...no matter what that would be very embarrassing and I think it would make me feel like I was less of a man...and if it is that problem then i would not be attempting to do anything with my partner..i don't think...
so it could be...and your answer of.."i'd kill him, take a damn pill" would also make him feel small and inadequate...if it were to be that then I would hope you could have some sort of understanding about it...and help him to see that he was still the man that he always was..
I'm off my soap box now....How about my Crimson Tide...the football discussion on my thread is going nowhere...the women are trying to put it in the ditch...
Good Lord! I would think you'd be able to tell by now how supportive I'd be! Hope I don't come across as a shallow blonde! (OK, just a little sometimes! LOL)
Explanation... when I think of arousal issues in men, I immediately think of drugs (I work in the drug discovery world!). My reaction comes from - men our age start to have issues, don't seem serious, get a pill, it's fixed.
My real life response would be, if I "knew" there was an issue, "H, OK, now things are starting to make sense. I can't understand what you are or are not feeling, but I can certainly sympathize, and offer support. So, what are you comfortable in doing about it?"
So, the question is... how do I find out if there IS an issue?
The check-off:
Stress-level in H's career - minimized Stress-level in our M - minimized (ahem! for one of us!) Stress-level in family life - minimized Stress-level in financial situation - minimized
We'll see how he rolls if I do a "peek"? If I mortify him, I will definitely need some advice on how to approach him. If not, keep on, keepin' on!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I have a week long company meeting the first week of October in California. I really need a clear head for this thing, to be able to think for work, but mostly for being able to be away from the family for so long (5 days). It's hard for me. I'm a work-at-home Mom, used to handling them on my own during the week... And, I'll miss them!
So... if we are still progressing at a snail's pace, or have halted progression, I need to start considering me in this process. It will have been almost one-year of DB'ing (upon return), and almost two-years post bomb. I am not saying I will not live like this, and keep up the effort, but I will need a voice. My emotional (and sometimes I think, physical) health will depend on it. My voice will entail options for him to consider in improving us. If he can't do anything more than he is now... (here is where I'm stuck).
No answers needed today. Thinkin' to be done!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Good Lord! I would think you'd be able to tell by now how supportive I'd be!
no..TBH..I can't tell by how you post on a message board..I deal in "straight up and to the point"..I deal in "common sense"....so...when you post what you post then I think that is the way it is unless I see LOL..or something...
personally..I have NFC what is up with your husband..It is all speculation on my part. I can tell you from experience...of being on this board since Feb. 08..and dealing with a WAS over the last year or two...that anything you do or say that can be construed as pressure by the WAS..will set you back...
the best option is to always just work on yourself..keep the doors open to reconciliation...for as long as you can....everyone has a time line..ans I know all about that..
I see good things from your husband..he appears to be opening up if it is as you post...if I did not see good things then I would encourage you to file for D....I do not advocate anyone staying in an unloving situation...I think your husband does love you and care for you..but for some reason he will not be physical...it may be because he is just not ready yet..
From the one who's BTDT, got the T-shirt, the "pill" is not a cure all. My H let pills just sit it a drawer until they expired. I was so crushed. If the libido is gone, the pills don't address that.
Men can have a libido and an inabilty to achieve erection. Or they can have erections, but no desire to "use" them. Or they can lack both. Pills only fix the erection part. The whole issue can be complicated, so it is useless at this point for you to worry about it...like Mike says, it is all speculation.
First, get to the point where he is reconnecting with the R. Then bring it up gently if he still doesn't go for it or respond to you. Mike is spot on. Most men would rather put their head in the sand than face up to this perceived "failure" of their manhood.
Anyway, you're doing great, but don't push too hard....you might scare the turtle back into his shell.
