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No I can afford it- I have been saving for years to help H build his dream home on land his grandfather gave him. Now I have quite a chunk built up. The funny thing is where he is moving to is a smaller apartment for about 200+ more per month. I was the one primarily saving in my account while he was paying most of the bills out of his account. So here I have all my money and he's paying out even more out of his account so his dream home is a long way away for him but very close for me. ummmm. too sweet.

Have you talked to a lawyer about whether all that savings would be yours?

Yes,that's money that came from my paycheck straight into my own savings account I have had since before we got married. He can not touch that.

Just when I think I have stopped hurting it starts all over again. Haven't even had any contact with him today but for some reason I have been very emotional all day. Despite how much of a ass he is being I want to talk to him so bad. I just don't understand how he can just pretend we aren't/weren't married. I hurt all the time and he acts as though nothing is wrong. If we do talk it is rare and always iniated by me. He will not answer any questions I ask him so I just try to tell him about me. he will not acknowledge any of the things I say about future plans for my life but he will ask if I mention I'm going out who am I going with. If I did not contact him he would not contact me at all. Seriously if I didn't initiate conversation over our work IM he would not talk to me- it would literally gone from dropping the bomb to 12 months later me getting D papers. I just can't see how you go from being best friends and being all lovey dovey to the next days saying ILYBNILWY.

Anyway on the house hunt I found a gorgeous 1849 Victorian home that needs a little work. I am going in the morning to look at it. It's a little further to work than I am now but it is a lot closer to my mom's and I could get my old side job back so I would be bringing in extra money to compensate for the extra gas and bills.

OMG looked at the house just from the outside yesterday and fell in love. I can not wait to get in touch with the realtor and look at the inside.

So it's a no go on the house. Funny it was love at first site but it has too much structural damage so no one would insure it. SO I found a house like my H. Speaking of I emailed him and asked adv him that while I was not looking at having a relationship discussion we did have business we need to handle. I told him about the house hunting and asked him if he wanted to go ahead with a legal seperation so I won't need him to sign for the house or if he would just prefer me to wait until we get a divorce. Either way I am not in a hurry to do anything. I haven't spoken to him in 2 weeks up to this point. He responded that he would get a legal seperation with all the stipulations I want and he would pay for everything if I wanted, just need to give him the go ahead to take care of that. Also says at this point he is not even thinking of a divorce. Is that good or bad or what? I have no idea what that even means. Like he wants to live apart but still be married. Any ideas?

Ugh. They are so damn confused.

My STBXH pulled that same stuff, back and forth, back and forth. Loving the single life, not wanting to be "tied down" but too lazy/unsure/whatever to go through with the D.

Do what you need to do for yourself. If you were single, would you buy? Then get the legal sep and go for it!

If he wants back later, you can figure it out. It's a perfect time to buy and it's always nice to have something of your own.

I saw my husband for the first time in 2.5 months today. I was walking out of the bathroom at working and he was walking down the hall. We actually talked for about 10 minutes. He has lost so much weight. He was only about 155 when he left me and he look like he's lost at least 15 lbs. He has this sad puppy look on his face the whole time I was talking to him. We talked about me buying a house and needing him to go ahead with a legal seperation. I told him he looked handsome and he told me I looked beautiful. I asked him if he was happier without me and he said he didn't know. He couldn't say yes but he didn't realy know what happiness was for him as he hadn't been happy for so long. I asked him if he missed me and he said yes. I told him I missed him and he said "no you don't" in the joking manner he used to say it when I would tell him I missed him when he was away from home. It was a great conversation and I stayed strong- didn't show any emotion. I just worry so much about things. I hate that he's stressed and losing weight and being unhealthy. I worry about buying a house and then him wanting to get back together. I worry that everything I do is a mistake and teh worst thing to do for "us".

So I did the exact wrong thing- I made him talk about us and he has assured me to do what I need to do for "me" as at this moment he does not see that "we" will ever be an "us" again. I know I should not have asked him for any kind of answers on us but I needed to know there was no hope before I invested in a home. I know you can't believe everything your H says at this point but boy it cut me like a knife. It what I needed to hear but that doesn't mean it didn't kill me when he said it. At least now I have some closure and can move forward and really focus on me.

Hubby went to the lawyer today to get the ball rolling on our legal separation and I am officially under contract for my new house. In 30 days the house will be mine !!!!