Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Mindblank #5 - Livin' La Vida Limboland...

have you ever had him followed?? Professionally??

I would continue on the track you are on. IMO..this is not about him...never has been...no matter how you or anybody here wants to tag the sitch....

it took both of you to get to where you are...by coming here you decided you wanted things to change, be better, but the only thing you can change is yourself...

I still say work on you...find your happy place..stop worrying about him, but be ever vigilant...

when I see you post from your happy place..the post is all about YOU....with maybe just a little thrown in about him updating the sitch...

save yourself...you might just save the M in the process....

and if you snoop...YOU BETTER NOT GET CAUGHT....because I believe that if he catches you then HE WILL BE DONE...

Mike:

Followed? No...

I agree with keeping on my track.

The "more intel" is actually tied w/me doing my expense reports for work.

I log onto our ipass account (tolls) once a month to document on expense reports/print receipt of tolls I use for my business trips. H's ipass is on there, too. So, this time, I took a closer look. Only a couple of questionable uses, but completely explainable since he has other drivers of his (he owns a trucking company) take his ipass when they need to swap trucks, trailers, etc... And, the other questionable info is the lack of some charges on there. However, I don't know what routes he takes to some places, some of mine don't show up on there, AND some of the tolls we went through together don't show up on there.

Then, the other thing was a cc bill. I opened it, as I had some flights and lunches I need to expense. Well, it was H's business one, not the one I/we use for the family. Same company, same envelope, didn't know they were the same... So, I scanned it. All of the purchases appear normal. Work expenses, fuel, trailer rentals, parts... Only question is charges during a time that showed the ipass in the questionable time/place, and it would all make sense since he'd be where the charge was taking place, and his driver would have the ipass.

Sounds dumb to say out loud, and I may be convincing myself, but that's all I'm prone to look at now, and it wasn't really even on purpose.

We're doing well, and getting better. I may be succeeding in work, and exercising, and having fun w/friends, but this still weighs on my heart heavily. I can't tell my heart to not feel this. I just have to keep trying to push the hurt to the back. Not sure how long the stress of this will allow me to continue though.

Thanks for coming by.

IMHO the key to all this is YOU staying emotionally centered...in a way you must harden your heart to an extent(I know that sounds stupid)but be open to reconciling when he is ready....in my laymen, redneck speak....don't let his dip**it ways or things he says or does affect you or your PMA...even if you have to act.....



I understand that....I got to a point where I said "f" it..I'm done..it's not what I wanted but now i know I am the better for it....sometimes we are miserable but are not in a place where we can see our own misery...sometimes it takes a life shattering event for us to see what misery we are in.....

like I said..continue on..keep a watchful eye, trust but verify..always..

I read along..I SEE GOOD THINGS from YOU and him....

of course,,having said that...all of us here rely on YOUR side of the story and take it for what you say it is...

in his mind it may be the exact opposite

hopefully...he is not just batchittcrazy..like Kim was..

H got home from out of town work early this afternoon. Scared the heck out of me. Came in and startled me (on purpose).

I said it above, but I'm moving on from the thoughts of snooping for now. The key reason is that there is really, daily, improvement. And, I checked the main sources of intel, and it appears he's where he should be when he should be... He's easily tracked. Leaves bread crumbs of charges and toll usage in his wake.

So, letting it go FOR NOW...

My friend's H was just here, measuring to replace the carpet on our back stairway. I wasn't in the room, but H, certainly didn't know if I was near or far, and I heard him telling a cute story about us from a lot of years back. He was relaxed, comfortable, and smiling... Last year, post bomb, pre-DB, he would have been condescending to me in front of someone in our home for a service, etc...

AND, I look cute. The girls are tastefully on display!

Hi, MB,

Thank you for dropping by my place, and I'm glad I could put a smile on your face. I wish I had amazing, life-changing advice for you but so much of what I do is seat of my pants that I often don't even feel like I know what I'm doing myself.

I can tell you one thing tho - the biggest difference in my PMA, attitude, game-plan etc. came from talking to the DB Coach, and so far, I've only done it once.

Kudos on the walking and looking cute. They *do* notice, even if they seem not to.

Cheers,

Dia

Yeah, I know I'm digging this up from forever ago but you need this quote...

"Dequila. When denial alone just won't cut it."

Gee, Dia, you could have your MTV show with that...

DIA DEQUILA!!!

Picture you, w/all kinds of waxed, greasy looking guys, competing for your affections, pumping their guns, doing shots out of your navel, and flashing you.

How do you say no?



Journal Update:

Just made the fam my H's favorite dinner, even added a course or two! He LOVES Boursin cheese, and these peppercorn crackers (didn't know that went together, but hey...), made a salad w/some yummy new and pricey balsamic and oil, THE DINNER, and caramel apple pie.

I know you're all thinking... Good Lord! She's gorgeous, brilliant, funny, witty, AND she can cook?

Balsamic on the front of the cute top though. CHANGE!

I could be the executive producer!

Stace

Stace:

LOL!! You could!

I like what I'm hearin'!

How was your day???? Sh!tty weather, eh? Football and soccer training cancelled! (Was that I cheer I just heard from this MOM?)

Hey MB,

Pretty good day, at least it didn't rain much, mostly overcast and about 60.

Glad your son's practices got cancelled -- MB cheering on the inside!!

I've been thinking about you - thinking about when we're going to have some LUNCH .

Stace