Reality can be a funny thing. She may not have considered all of the details that go along with D. May have assumed that all of the costs would be yours.
Just keep it strictly business. It will get hard, but you do not need to react to her "not being happy" about every detail. This is your reality even if she hadn't thought all of this through.
Hugs.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
It's not the dating, I'm not naive enough to think she wouldn't. It's the fact that on Tuesday I asked her if she had any plans to date anytime soon, she said no...Then a few days later she has a date, that just pisses me off...Plus it's been two years she could at least wait a few more months till our D is final.
you assume that she hasn't gone out on dates previously? She probably has, you just weren't privy to this knowledge.
I have a feeling things are going to get BAD...We are trying to work the D out but having the L's work on the money part...Well my L wanted a copy of her partnership agreement(she's a partner in a practice) she has a significant retirement benefit attached to it...I don't know if I'm entitled or even want any but my L wants to look at it...emailed her this morning that I needed that and some other documents...she asked why I needed the partnership agreement, told her my L wanted to see it...she wasn't happy.
- you are entitled to it. If the situation was reversed and you were in her shoes, she would be pursuing half or more of whatever you had.
There are consequences for WAS's, nobody gets to walk away from a marriage without any consequences - you don't have to make it easy for her and get the idea out of your head that because you're a man you shouldn't be asking for the proper division & allocation of marital assets.
Alot of women will play that card with their men, because if a man pursues alimony or their fair share, a man really isn't a man then.
Men & women are equal - let's start remembering this & acting like it. You didn't ask for a divorce and you have consequences that you're dealing with: loss of wife, loss of family, etc. Your wife has consequences too, she's a lawyer and of course she's unhappy, she knows better and she knows now that there is a cost for her actions.
It's not the dating, I'm not naive enough to think she wouldn't. It's the fact that on Tuesday I asked her if she had any plans to date anytime soon, she said no...Then a few days later she has a date, that just pisses me off...Plus it's been two years she could at least wait a few more months till our D is final.
you assume that she hasn't gone out on dates previously? She probably has, you just weren't privy to this knowledge.
Hate to say it, but I sorta agree with this. Just because she said she wasn't doesn't mean its true. WS are not known for being the pillars of honesty.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Thanks for the support...Robx she's not a lawyer she's a doctor. My problem getting what I PROBABLY should get is it may hurt the kids (ie she may have to sell the house). I don't want the kids lives interrupted anymore than they have or will.
Also tomorrows my "anniversary" yippee...
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Oh she may lose the house and that would be so rough on the kids. I've heard that one too. Yeah, but it's ok for dad to move out and rent. F that.
I may have gotten out with a slightly better deal because the house and her financial sitch is a sinking ship but I would suggest to any other guy to ignore this WAW script line. If they are so intent on walking then they can find a way to make it work and willingly face the consequences.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Orangedog, sorry you have so much anger about your sitch - we are all here b/c it is tough work that we have to do.
(((V)))
It's complicated and everyone gets hurt in the process. Heck, you are all related - have a history - and despite the R breakdown, everyone is going to suffer some. Do your best. It takes two to resolve the conflict and grow the R, if not, then this is what happens.
Stay focused on making the "best decisions" about the uncoupling and co-parenting and "pray" it all works out - seriously!
In a way I agree with Orangedog. This is all part of D. The financial and emotional separation the WS don't want to think about. Yes, it will be tough for your kids but let that be her burden to carry, not yours. I would do your D by the book whatever is fair. No need to be a jerk about it, but this is reality. I would hate to see you in 10 years regret being too nice.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Not sure if it was the right thing to do but it felt right...Today being our anniversary I wasn't sure what to do, if anything, so I decided to get her a simple card, not mushy at all and inside wrote...regardless of our current struggles, I didn't think the day should go by without being recognized -- after all, a lot of good has come from this day, like S and D. And no matter what the future holds, I'll always be grateful for that. (stole that from Smiley :)). Just felt like I should do something...Left it in her car at work.
Last edited by volleydog; 07/10/0901:16 PM.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
