This is off topic, however, if you new my stich you may understand why I am asking this question... In a previous post you mentioned your travels (China - Philippines) My H also travels overseas, Japan mostly and China is in the future the Philippines is wherein my questions lie. I need help.. Story short - H has maintained an EA with a woman from the Philippines for the last 2 years - I am convinced she is scamming him (he has been sending her an "allowance" for the last year I believe I have been DBing for over a year and have managed to keep the M together this long... I am about at the end of my rope.. I have recently inquired about hiring an investigator just to prove to myself and him that I am correct with regard to my suspicions.
My question is - do you know anyone over there that could possibly help me? I know this seems desperate - and I am...
Me - 38 H-36 DD - 15 S- 19 Together -almost 18 years M - 16 The Bomb - May 24th 2008 Meeting with Michelle July 7, 2008 Status - I moved out Sept 2009
I don't think I know of anyone in the Philippines who could help you plus I'm not sure a private investigator is the best way forward. Let me read up on your sitch for a few more details and we can chat some on your thread.
Not good news for FIL, the latest round of chemotherapy has hardly touched the cancer, if anything the cancer has spread a little. The doctors want to give him a break for a couple of months and then change to another drug and a further course of treatment.
W in the meantime is trying to book FIL a vacation but is becoming frustrated as she can’t find any travel insurance at a sensible price. And she is taking her frustration out on those who she doesn’t feel is sharing her pain and anxiety. I’m getting the silent treatment cos I think I said something she didn’t like when she was talking about FIL condition, when I continued to talk to her she just shouted that she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. If our past is anything to go by she’ll tell me what the problem was in a couple of weeks. BIL is getting it in the neck cos W doesn’t think he is doing enough to help FIL (not true in my opinion). Anyway as always with W it’s drama central but I am by no means taking away from the turmoil she is going through.
Sunday D8 and I went to feed he ducks at the water park, D8 invited W along and I was surprised she accepted but she wasn’t much fun when came. But that didn’t detract from a good time D8 and I had. So as always some tough times ahead.
Just spoke to W and I’ve found out from her what it is I said that upset her. She had said FIL is getting depressed over his cancer, so I said is that (depression) dragging everyone down. That is when she cut the conversation cos she said that was an inappropriate comment by me. She says now that she feels she can’t count on my support anymore and she doesn’t want to discuss his condition with me. (I say now a massive WTF). Any way if I hadn’t spoken to her this would have dragged on for weeks with me not knowing.
So, you asked what's wrong and you actually got an answer? Good for you.
You know Lan, your wife hasnt been the role model as a wife, but still, supporting her thru these difficult times is something you should focus on. And supporting means in my book "not leave her alone". Be there, try to open up discussions about how she feels, dont offer solutions, just tell her you know how hard it is on her. You know, you have read all the books on the market. Use the knowledge you have. xxx K
I know what W is going through and anyone who has suffered a loss will know this too. Her father is suffering from cancer but the whole world is carrying on as if nothing is wrong. I remember this feeling 10 years ago when my sister died I just wanted to scream at passers by “how can you continue to shop when my sister has just died”. But the world just carries on regardless.
This morning I just felt aggrieved when W said I wasn’t being supportive, as I said to her that one thing she shouldn’t be accusing me of. Supportive is my middle name along with Patient, caring sensitive etc, etc.
I’ve said one thing W didn’t like and she’s back on the (Batchitt) crazy train giving me the cold shoulder treatment, only wanting to talk to me to pick a fight and ignoring me in the mean time. I’ve seen it all before, I used think it was me who perpetuated these argument but it’s not.
W called me on the phone to tell me to make sure D8 is fed this evening and don’t give her any fast food, when I pointed out to W that she takes D8 to the same fast food place so she shouldn’t be shouting at me, she just slammed the phone down. I tried to call her back but she wouldn’t pick up so I sent her a txt saying as she is insisting on this childish behaviour I was not going to pick up when she called (it’s not the first time this week she’s slammed the phone down on me).
Although I can take these things on the chin and not show out wards signs of stress I know it does affect me internally. I had my annual BP check a couple of weeks ago and that was showing high, I had a follow up check today which was ok , but when the nurse checked my pulse she noticed that although I had a strong regular heart beat it occasionally skipped or paused a beat so now I am being referred for an ECG check. If I add to that the fact I’ve put some weight and I’ve been struggling for endurance when running at the gym on then it all adds up. Anyway time to cut out the crap food and the alcohol, my two recent comforts and continue with the exercise. I’m not gonna ride that crazy train again I’ve got my health to think of.
This weekend we’ve got D8 dance presentation, the IL’s round for dinner on Sunday and a soul diva concert on Tuesday that’s a lot of time to spend with someone who’s not talking to you, (although I know she will call a truce when the IL’s are around then resume hostilities as soon as they leave).
So, do I give it 100% PMA even fake it in front of the IL’s or do I do my own thing, dilemmas, dilemmas.
I’ve said one thing W didn’t like and she’s back on the (Batchitt) crazy train giving me the cold shoulder treatment, only wanting to talk to me to pick a fight and ignoring me in the mean time.
Sorry to hear this big guy, but you are still an insperataion to me.
Originally Posted By: Lanzo
So, do I give it 100% PMA even fake it in front of the IL’s or do I do my own thing, dilemmas, dilemmas.
Lanzo
Isn’t this the frustrating part? I mean inside you want to let people know what you are going through... and it may sound mean but sometimes you would like others to see “the real wife”…. BUT... I would just go with the flow right now. No need for more drama... A funny thing happened about 2 years ago when W first started all this Cr*p. We did have family over and we were “pretending” everything was ok but then… Wife was having a problem with the remote and I tried to tell her what she was doing wrong and she got pissed in front of everyone and threw the remote at me and stormed off. Talk about an awkward moment of silence. But I just completed the task so we could watch the movie. Guess it showed I took the high road…..
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
