LL, you are going through a LOT of changes now...and your R will change, too. You are becoming a better person, a more loving, other-centered person. Just don't EXPECT H to become other-centered overnight....it will happen, in time, as he responds to the wonderful changes in you. Patience, faith, tolerance, and love, LL...you've got all of these great traits. Keep putting them into practice...water seeks its own level...simple physics, dear, so if you are a great, loving, considerate mate...your H will grow into one, too! You can do it! Don't let fear interfere with your progress!
Quote: ok, ok, ok...so some things are different..(ok a lot is different than during our seperation) and perhaps part of the reason that things aren't so extremely different is that h never really was all that gone to begin with and it was me that pushed him away so therefore I am the one who is different.
LL -- I don't thinks it's nutty that a phone call from h, etc. can brighten your mood...it I thought that that was ALL you relied on, yah, I'd be worried...but, hon, you've grown SO much -- least since I first starting reading you --
Tal did a great job of listing the "differences" on her thread -- maybe getting those things into black and white would help you, too?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I have to tell you that CJ is also a master of the silent car ride. It used to, and still does to some extent, drive me CRAZY!
At first I'd make chit chat about the party or family gathering we'd been at...no response. Then I'd sit in sullen silence conjuring up all the possible reasons for his silence...he hated the party, he didn't want to have to talk to my family, he's mad at me for some reason, he's unhappy with our social life...blah blah blah...
LL, I've kind of figured out that after social events CJ likes to NOT talk on the drive home. Go figure...I'm usually still a bit pumped up from the interactions, still in social mode, and the second that car starts he's on autopilot.
As our dear friend Willwin would say...ain't nothin' but a thang...
This BETTER not be the post that locks you out...you do realize we'll just start a new thread FOR you if you don't!
Quote: I think I need to just get away and regroup and get out of this train of thinking so damn much...perhaps I read too many threads over the past couple of days.
Love Goddess,
somedays I read your posts and think, this is not the same person, must be 2 or more people. Or this person has way too much time to think/obsess.
Long time since I dropped in. I totally empathize with getting yourself into dizzying depths of confusion when you way over anlayze stuff. Feel like the world is falling apart until a simple, subtle event makes it obvious that maybe things are OK. I was going nuts with my X when I was trying to salvage the M, and then again with my GF when I wasn't sure where her feelings were for me. My M was a lost cause, but with my GF I learned to "chill-out". Took it a day at a time, and enjoyed the good things that were happening at the present. She figured out I wasn't a looney, that I was going to be patient with her reluctance to get involved with someone she thought wasn't "over" his X, and things sort of took off. I'm convinced if I pressured her she'd no longer be in my life. Do you think your H is "in his cave" because he's feeling the pressure you're putting on him? Maybe just give him some air....
Quote: I think I need to just get away and regroup and get out of this train of thinking so damn much...perhaps I read too many threads over the past couple of days.
Love Goddess,
somedays I read your posts and think, this is not the same person, must be 2 or more people. Or this person has way too much time to think/obsess.
sorry to diapoint you poe..but there's just one me! The many shades of LL, not a case of too much time to think and obsess just that kind of mind that can run on auto pilot no matter what I'm doing...maybe I've got add or somthin'
back from a nice relaxing weekend away with h...got massages...sat in a jacussi bubble bath watching football (ok not really) while h sat on the bed and watched football (the jaccussi was in the main room in a little alcove..kind of a bummer that I sat in it alone while h wathced tv but the is the way it is) slept late and did a whole lot of nothing!!
hope all is well with everybody..don't have much time to check in...dd just woke up from a nap and doesn't sound thrilled about it.
I always thought you were a little shady! Thanks for checking in on me, and being my major supporter through my D, but to no avail. I am truly convinced that her mind is completly gone, even the kids feel sorry for her. It should be over soon. We have reached an agreement, and all she has to do is sign, and we're done. I thought selling our family home would break her heart, but she is out there happily throwing all the kids things away, and having a yard sale so she can get more $$$$$$$, so her and Mr. All Thr Right Words can buy a home together in Daytona. At least she will be out of my sight, and now will have no where to come back to!
I passed my State Real Estate exam Monday, and have already signed on with a broker, her old one! They gave me her desk. It still has the kids picture on it, her business cards, her folder with her listings, and her sweater is still hanging over the chair like she just stepped out for lunch. They told me she stopped in the other day to pay her annual dues, and acted like nothing was wrong??????
Also, I've got a couple prospects on the shop!
Oh yeah, this is YOUR thread, SORRY
PS: I tried to change the picture, but they told me it's not possible any more!
I don't know where home is anymore and I don't know who'd even be there with me if anyone at all...
I just want to be happy..I just want to be ok with being content...I just want to not feel this doubt in my gut about life with h...I just want to go to sleep.
Don't let fear interfere with your progress! 
