So my challenge for myself is to be self-centered. To do things that meet my needs. To take care of myself and be strong. This may sound selfish but its not. After all I'm the only me there is and if I don't take care of me what good am I to my family?
from another thread on this forum
Originally Posted By: Bridgestone
Self-preservation/selfish... different sides of the same coin.
DB is about saving yourself first. The WAS just got a jump on it.
A selfish person with mature priorities takes care of his/her family. You take care of others out of a need to take care of yourself. Because they are important to you. The WAS has spent a lot of time believing that if he/she denies his/her own needs and desires then the spouse will somehow give them all the love and happiness the WAS could ever want.
The WAS believes that all those years were wasted and all the memories were lies at their expense. They feel used and used up. They don't believe that we do love them for themselves. They don't believe that we would do anything for them to feel good about themselves.
I understand but it doesn't stop the hate I feel.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
So my challenge for myself is to be self-centered. To do things that meet my needs. To take care of myself and be strong. This may sound selfish but its not. After all I'm the only me there is and if I don't take care of me what good am I to my family?
from another thread on this forum
Originally Posted By: Bridgestone
Self-preservation/selfish... different sides of the same coin.
DB is about saving yourself first. The WAS just got a jump on it.
A selfish person with mature priorities takes care of his/her family. You take care of others out of a need to take care of yourself. Because they are important to you. The WAS has spent a lot of time believing that if he/she denies his/her own needs and desires then the spouse will somehow give them all the love and happiness the WAS could ever want.
The WAS believes that all those years were wasted and all the memories were lies at their expense. They feel used and used up. They don't believe that we do love them for themselves. They don't believe that we would do anything for them to feel good about themselves.
This reminds me of all the things H was yelling to me before he left... that it was high time he started putting himself first and did things for himself, he was tired of being last on the list with the money he makes and that he didn't believe that I really loved him. I didn't put him in that position. I'm sad he feels that way. But it does seem like a common feeling.
M40, H39 M17 T20 D13, S12 H moved out 05/09 D filed 1/10
I'm sad he feels that way. But it does seem like a common feeling.