Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers riding the big roller coaster...

Love the image! I can just see a dusty office with a person handing out scripts behind the desk. Thanks for the laugh : )

Thanks to everyone also for reading. I can't sign in from home because I don't want him to see my internet history from home in case he comes by - but will check in on Monday or from my mom's. I hope everyone has a great weekend GALing.

hopeinwaiting...

I wonder if they get called back in every time they do or say something nice. Then they are reprimanded for not following the script precisely. Thus explains the turn around from nice to alien each time.
May even get another spraying of that fog if it seems to be thinning out!

MJ

I say hi jack the office and throw some clowns in there coffee !

I know this is about HIW and what she is going through, but the script analogy couldn't be more fitting. (Amazing how all of our situations are SO similar)

Hope - I hope you are able to do some revisions and write a great second act!

HIW--
Can you tell us more about what's going on?
How did he and OW meet?
What kind of contact have you had with her? If none so far, keep it that way.
Has OW had contact with your kids? If not, keep it that way.
What are H's reasons for leaving?
Did he leave then find OW or the other way around?

Good Monday everyone. Well, I got a phone call from H on Friday saying he saw that there was another break in on our street and thinks "we" should look into a security system. I said that I didn't know if "I" could afford it... and he said we should just look at prices. Another call on Sunday where he asked how I was doing. I just acted "as if" and said all was well but we had been rushing around since we had gone out with friends...All this DB is hard! : )

@Stronger, my H and OW met at work and have been involved since March. She left her H to be with mine this summer. She has no kids and I don't think she has met mine. I have had no contact with her. I pretend she doesn't exist these days (although I've seen them together in my car since he choose to move only 3 minutes from our home) and we passed by each other on the road one day.

As far as problems in the relationship, this was pretty out of the blue. Ups and downs, yes, but not serious problems recently. I should say, we did have issues 3 years ago with internet stuff but it went away after I caught him. My understanding from him is that he wants to be independent and prove that he can live on his own. I make 2x as much as him and I put him through college so I think he has some self esteem issues. He also has issues with his parents. They would tell him what a failure he was right in front of me prior to getting married. He is also from a culture where the "man" should be bringing home the bacon if you will. Basically, he told me that he was unhappy, had been for a long time, and that it was time for him to be a little selfish. Get up whenever he wanted, go out etc. (thanks, now that we have two kids!!!). I have been doing my masters for the last three years and did not put the attention I should have on our marriage. The sad part is that I graduate on Friday and was so ready to re-focus myself to him prior to all this. I am still hopeful, but I don't know how to get him away from OW. He has a very addictive personality and I feel like he is plain addicted to her and their current lifestyle. He rented an apt. right over the pool and hangs out there a lot from what my daughter says. I just don't know how long I can maintain the DB practices. It is so hard to keep going and going and think it may all be for nothing. But, I love him and I choose to love him so here I am.

I hope everyone has a great week and thanks again for reading!

HIW

M-35
H-37
Bomb 6/09
PA/EA 3/09
Moved out 6/23/09
Married 1996
Together since 1992 (long distance relationship)
met 1988

How hard are you willing to put your foot down when it comes to OW?

Has he really gotten a taste of life without you? Does he take the kids to his place on the weekends and one night a week?

Do you have any idea how OW's husband took it when she left him?

Stonger,
good question. I did put my foot down when I found out and then he left. I thought the book said to keep a low profile with regards to the OW and ignore it - so that is what I have done. I don't think he has had a taste of life without me or without the family really. I'm still pretty accessible and since he is in my home three days a week to take care of the kids - he has it pretty sweet. Things will change next week when he's back at his job full time. The kids don't go to his apt. very much, I assume he doesn't want my eldest to see her things and start asking questions. They don't live together, from what I understand.

As far as OW's husband, the grapevine informed me that he pretty much said, ok see ya later.

Anyway, he had offered to come over to watch the kids tonight so that I may study... but haven't heard from him yet so who knows. Take care and be happy. : )

HIW

Has he asked for a D?
What are the signs you're getting he's still in this marriage?

I asked about a month ago, in a moment of weakness, "what do you want me to do, do you want me to file for divorce?", his response was, "no, not yet". NOT YET!!! I asked the next day what that meant and he said, forget that I said it. So there you go... I get the feeling he wants to make sure that this other relationship is going to work out before calling it quits with me. I feel like he is both testing me and stringing me along, just in case. Last night he called and said "sorry, I fell asleep... do you still need me to come over so you can study?" I said (in an upbeat tone) "no, thanks... my mom's here. Have a great night." I've never felt so out of control and basically used.

Signs that he is still in the marriage lessen day by day. He still takes care of my kids and every now and then talks in "we" or us sentences but rarely. I know I need to let go and I'm trying so hard. I don't call him except when he is at the house with the kids and then rarely do I call. I'll probably call today because I won't see my kids tonight (I have my 2nd to last class ever : ) He is very civil with me these days so I guess I should be happy about that. I'm nervous b/c today the kids were going to go swimming at his apt. and I'm so scared that she is there and that they are going to meet her.

@Stronger, I've read over some of your threads and I thank you so much for posting here. I really hope your sitch works out for the best. How do you hang in there for so long... it's only been since mid June for me and I sometimes feel like I should just throw in the towel. Life is so short and I'm wasting so much energy on this one person. I need to stop! but... of course, I know that I choose to love him and I dearly hope that there will be a chance for reconciliation. Thanks again and good luck!

M-35
H-37
Bomb 6/09
PA/EA 3/09
Moved out 6/23/09
Married 1996
Together since 1992 (long distance relationship)
met 1988