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I'm glad too! It sounds like you're doing well. I'm thinking part of the reason he's sad is b/c he realizes it didn't need to be like this also! Karen

I actually texted with him a lot yesterday. Its all started because our auto insurance policy is coming up to another billing cycle. I told him that I guess the reason I havent looked into my own policy is because the thought of us seperating even more just makes me so sad. He said him too. And that he wishes he could take it all back...

The long and short of the conversation is that he is very depressed. He told me that he misses me everyday, when our shows come on it makes him sad. I told him that I only want the best for him, and that I would have given anything to be the woman who would do that for him. He said "I only want the best for you too and I think that you deserve someone better than me, someone who wont hurt you so badly". I hate it when he says crap like this... I told him that hes going to have to forgive himself sometime. He said hes been trying. That was about it, we exchanged a few more messages, I told him that if he wants to talk later to get in touch. I havent talked to him today, I dont think I really would have much to say.

What I dont understand is this: If you really meant all you said yesterday, he actually said "Believe it or not, Ive been mourning our relationship for a few months now, Ive just been an emotional trainwreck" How can you still think that divorce is the solution? Is it because he thinks that it will be too hard to reconcile? Is he afraid to ask? I feel like I practically asked him myself... Beleive me, I understand being afraid to be rejected.

AUGH! MEN!!!

I still haven't talked to him, I feel like I could chew my nails off. I don't understand why hes freaking being like this!

My dad says pi$$ on him. If he cant tell you what he wants then screw him. Its sort of been his attitude since the whole affair started. My dad came over and tried to talk to H once, H was so disrespectful, he was playing a computer game and just ignored my dad, like a 15 year old boy again! I dont think that my dad will ever forgive him for that. But my dad did tell him that "Hey, I wouldnt be a very good dad if I didnt at least try to help my kids out, and Ive always considered you one of my kids. You will understand if I dont wish you good luck." I know that what my dad thinks doesnt really matter. But still... I guess it kind of hurts my feelings that he was so disrespectful to a man that I look up to so much.

I feel like I really need some interpretation on the convo we had the other day, I really dont know what to make of it, or if I should make anything of it. I have backed off, and I hope that he will come to me, but seriously, that is absolutely out of character for him. I dont think he will, it would be too hard to try to fix things, so hes just going to wallow in self-pity and take what he thinks is the easy way out. Its easier to curl up and be sad than hold your head up and hope for a better future.

I was in the paper today! I helped to rescue a sea otter pup and they said my name! the nightly news did a story on it, but they didn't mention my name, just Fish and Wildlife Service, but then the local paper ran the story and they said my name! I'm gonna save that paper!

H texted today and said that he was really proud of me, that I am doing things that he would really enjoy and that he thought it was really neat that I made a difference.

I feel like I was making such good progress at finding myself again, and now Ive just gotten sucked back in. Hes so sad that we're separated, and he wishes that 2008 had never happened, and all that, but he still wont mention reconciling! When I hint at it, he tells me how I deserve better than him.

I do deserve better than him! Maybe he should try being a better man!

Congrats on your new celebrity!!! That must be so exciting! You do deserve better and i agree, he should try being a better man for you if he really doesn't want a D. I think you should stop getting sucked in. Keep being your fabulous self and don't waste any time on your mopy depressed H. If he is ever really serious, he will find you and won't let anything stop him I think.... Karen

I think he expects you to basically argue with him on that. Don't you think? Maybe next time you should just agree with him: yeah, maybe you're right! Karen

I try not to even respond when he says that. Its BS, I can think of a few times where I wasnt so innocent either, certainly nothing as bad as an A, but everybody hurts the people they love. Last time I did agree with him, you did hurt me, bad. I really think that he has some poetic romanticized idea about how Im going to move on and find ultimate happiness with someone else, but think of him fondly sometimes, and hes going to be walking on a beach somewhere thinking of me with a sad smile... blah blah blah.

The job he has right now he travels a lot, training other coasties. Hes going to New Orleans this week, where we had part of our honeymoon. I wonder if the trip will stir any memories for him. Im jealous! Its 30 degrees here and we still have a foot of snow on the ground!

The volcano went off again, we got even more ash this time, the ashcloud had lightening in it, it was awesome! Last time it happened it went on for 5 months!

H sent me a text last night that saying he had seen a commercial for Alaska Week in the Discovery channel and it made him feel sad and lost...

I want so badly to tell him that I wish you understood that you dont have to feel like this, or you have always had a home, theres no reason for you to feel lost, or something!

Ive been biting my tongue though, the only thing I said was that Alaska would still be here when he was able to come back, so dont be sad. He said Thanks. And that was it.

Did I miss some opportunity? One reason I didnt say more was that hes usually kind of tanked by that time of night, and I was afraid that if we did have some kind of breakthrough, I didnt want him to recant it the next day.

Should I say those things? Why is he being so confusing? Is it really just alaska that he misses so bad... or is it us?

He does sound depressed. He won't get treatment for that? When I was depressed a few years ago, it was almost like I was too numb or something and couldn't feel love for my H or myself really. Of course, my H was having an EA & PA that year, but I did get a taste of that. Karen

It snowed last night. About another inch. Its almost 40 today though, so it should melt pretty fast... BS snow...

At one time I think that he was going to a clinic, exactly what that means, Im not sure. He says he's planning a trip up here next month to get his junk. I want to ask him what I should expect. I also want to ask him to wait until the end of summer so he doesnt ruin another summer for me. If he came he would be here about 2 weeks before my birthday. Last year the day after he moved out was my birthday, he came back the next day to get some more stuff and actually had the nerve to tell me happy birthday. Ba$+ard! OOH that still makes me so mad. Are you serious? really? wishing me a happy birthday? You have got to be joking. I should have slapped him.

I dont want to see him. Ive been considering renting him a storage unit that he could just grab his things out of so he wouldnt have to actually come to the house.

The other day he was all mopey and I sent him a text saying that I wish he got it, that he has a home, all he has to do is ask. And he sent me back one saying "You know I still care about you, I just dont know about anything else right now"

Im tired of being his crying shoulder. Thats what WIVES do!