I haven't caught up with your thread yet but wanted to stop by and thank you for your book suggestion yesterday! And the interaction.
I hope you aren't going to leave the bb even if you don't maintain a thread. I love reading your advice to people. You always seem to see things so clearly!!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
ok not really but one of the things that I've been missing is h saying those three little words...
h left in the wee hours fri morning and as he was saying goodbye said ILY and then less than 24hrs later again he said ILY...
the kids and I are not feeling well, the little lady had a fever and was feeling yucky on thurs, she seems better but now son is not feeling well and I have a horrible head cold that has settled in my ear.
looking forward to h comming home...and even more looking forward to going away with him in Nov for a weekend refresher again.
Thanks for dropping by my thread and volunteering to kick my X's butt . Seriously though, glad things seem to be OK with you and you're still posting. Look forward to seeing you at our next get together (whenever that is)!
I don't want to jinx myself or anything but I feel that things are a tad better than just OK...
Some on h's part and some on my part..
was thinking earlier that perhaps I've spent a tad too much time trying to figure things out, trying to "understand" wtf all this happend when the truth is it really doesn't matter why or how it just did! the key now is to do what works and to let h know what works and to hope that he'll tell me what works as well.
I'll probably continue to post until this thread is locked out. I have no real desire to start a new one, after a while it really becomes redundant and we have to just live our lives without that crutch.
This bb was my life line during my seperation...at night after putting the kids to bed here I sat alone, couldn't watch tv, couldn't focus on a book (my book club can attest to that I hardly ever finnished a book through those months) here I sat reading about peoples lives and searching for hope, for answers for companionship. Sometimes I found what I was looking for and other times I read things about peoples lives that made me want to cry. Alot of the time I felt like I was talking to myself (I suppose my raw style may have something to do with that but wtf I'm me)
I don't know why this all happend and don't want to figure it out any more....seems to me the more time I spend trying to put all the pieces together of the what's and why's and who's it just keeps me going in circles of blaming myself and then, no wait not me, it was him and then oh but wait I might have, but he...pointless really and never ending.
I've decided that what's going on NOW is far more important than what occured in the past and I think in doing so h is breathing easier and honestly so am I.
If I'm going to enjoy my family I'm going to have to look toward the future instead of suffering in the past.
Guess it's time to bite the bullet and put the past to rest where it belongs and start enjoying my life.
Ah...I'm on the brink of where Shiny and LL are at. I can see it, smell it, sense the value of it, etc...I'm just struggling, struggling, struggling with letting go of the handle bars of WHY.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
was thinking earlier that perhaps I've spent a tad too much time trying to figure things out, trying to stand" wtf all this happend when the truth is it really doesn't matter why or how it just did! the key now is to do what works and to let h know what works and to hope that he'll tell me what works as well.
I'll probably continue to post until this thread is locked out. I have no real desire to start a new one, after a while it really becomes redundant and we have to just live our lives without that crutch.
This bb was my life line during my seperation...at night after putting the kids to bed here I sat alone, couldn't watch tv, couldn't focus on a book (my book club can attest to that I hardly ever finnished a book through those months) here I sat reading about peoples lives and searching for hope, for answers for companionship. Sometimes I found what I was looking for and other times I read things about peoples lives that made me want to cry. Alot of the time I felt like I was talking to myself (I suppose my raw style may have something to do with that but wtf I'm me)
I don't know why this all happend and don't want to figure it out any more....seems to me the more time I d trying to put all the pieces together of the what's and why's and who's it just keeps me going in circles of blaming myself and then, no wait not me, it was him and then oh but wait I might have, but he...pointless really and never ending.
I've decided that what's going on NOW is far more important than what occured in the past and I think in doing so h is breathing easier and honestly so am I.
If I'm going to enjoy my family I'm going to have to look toward the future instead of suffering in the past.
Guess it's time to bite the bullet and put the past to rest where it belongs and start enjoying my life.
This is great LL. Makes so much more sense then questioning, questioning, I agree whole heartedly. Isn't this part of dbing, you can't change the past and you can only control yourself. So let it go and "act as if" NOW, also. I mean we do so much "acting as if" when we're working on ourselves while our S's are figuring out what they are doing and where they are going.
I'm the kind of person who doesn't hold grudges, who says what they have to say, who lets other people say what they have to say and then move on. That's what my H had such a problem with, he took everything personally and that's the way H is, but I move on right away. I can be mad as hell one minute and then completely over it the next. I don't stay mad at anybody.
So many people hold grudges, won't talk to this person, are mad at their families, haven't spoken to so and so for years and it's just so darn sad, all the time wasted holding grudges.
Okay I'm rambling on your thread LL. You do have the right idea, you can't change the past, you have your future and today is really all that you have. I agree you have to let it go.
So have a great day! Thanks for all your support.
I'll miss once you're locked out. I LOVE your "raw style" and your attitude, you're an awesome person!!
Cathy
P.S. I've always had a thing for a guy in workboots, I don't know why, but there's just something about the guys who are out their working with the bodies and their hands that draws me to them...
Quote: I've decided that what's going on NOW is far more important than what occured in the past and I think in doing so h is breathing easier and honestly so am I.
This is wonderful! And I believe I will want to lay the past to rest, I'm already doing it and H is not home yet! But wonderful things are happening, and very fast!
I too will miss reading your threads, but I understand, you must leave the past in the past!
I'm VERY HAPPY for you. You have broken the odds, upset those percentages! I'm proud of you for standing for your M, for making the choice to save it! My hat is off to you, girl and I plan on following the same road!
Hi LL, I've been sent over here this morning by Deb and Cathy...sort of like being sent to the Principle's office I guess.
Your post IS great. You've said a lot of important stuff in it here.
I think my BB freinds wanted me to read the part where you said:
Quote: I don't know why this all happend and don't want to figure it out any more....seems to me the more time I spend trying to put all the pieces together of the what's and why's and who's it just keeps me going in circles of blaming myself and then, no wait not me, it was him and then oh but wait I might have, but he...pointless really and never ending. I've decided that what's going on NOW is far more important than what occured in the past and I think in doing so h is breathing easier and honestly so am I.
Believe ME, I see the validity in what you've just said, I also admit that during the times that I have been at peace with myself those were my very thoughts. But my difficulty is in maintaining that attitude. I fear surrendering to that mindset before I get what I need to move forward.
I keep saying my H has a long way to go...the truth is so do I.
You sound great LL and for YOU I am very happy indeed. T2
. Seriously though, glad things seem to be OK with you and you're still posting. Look forward to seeing you at our next get together (whenever that is)!
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