my sitch? shoot... anger, anger, fear, fear, name calling, blame, blame, blame... H is just now starting to settle down... after the restraining order, and after domestic violence classes (from which I, not H, have been transfered to normal therapy). There wasn't any physical stuff, but the threat was horrendous.
three long hell-spawned months in which i've simultaneously felt as bad and as good as i've ever felt in my 12 1/2 years...
so, yeah... the D proceeds
i met eom and when faced with the potentiality of a new "R", said "whoa!!! time OUT!"
i wrote this poem today:
Nigh end travesty…
The flaccid truth lie bare
and divine
We fail and move on
our cheeks stained wet
with contemptuous regret
still bruised where
false hope smacked hard
The stars have fallen
yet orbit my ankles
where I cautiously pine
for the thermal to lift
so I might
continue with my conviction
that I was right
And I am afraid for my future
the security normal living
so aptly provided
and slowly raise fingertips
to the swelling
where false hope smacked hard
He could cry at my feet
for a month
where the truth lie placid
and divine
and I know it would remain
While things changed
and stayed the same
Where I would only need
when absolutely necessary
Anyway lostlove... i most sincerely hope for cupid to come smack your H upside the head making him realize he will NEVER have a woman so willing to love him... and that that's worth changing at least enough to show you he appreciates it. Men are a most curious creature, are they not?
Take care on your Journey. Get yourself tons of day spa treatments, foot massages, manicures... whatever it takes so when your job is done you don't feel like you lived your life for some lesser ambition...
A ship is safe in the harbor, but that's not what ships were built for...
Good Luck (and many many many thanks for reaching out to me in my time o' need)
Peace my dear.
Word to KIP, Floyd101, Jethro, Sage, randyH, and WillWin.. (i hear you gotta g/f )
No time to check on y'all sitches, but if'n you read here, I wish you all harmony at home...
As I was reading your thread, I couldn't help but to think back to my marriage and what happened. I was out of the house briefly, yet nothing was fixed. 4 years later, it all exploded in my face. From what you say, nothing has changed. And your H will be content to ignore you until he is pushed to change. Seems to me that you still have some work to do to save this marriage and your has to be involved.
I like what Fran told you. Also, ask for what you want. If he doesn't "hear" it, ask again. You are in a very long valley but you will get to the top of the mt. !!!! nik
let me ask you a question though...how many 30 year old stay at home mothers of two kids not yet of school age do you know that are completely thrilled with their lives at the moment???
any mother knows that parenting is stressful and tiring..especially those early years...and lonely??? yup why do you think so many mothers get into scrapbooking or some other thing like that? it's an exuse to get together with other mothers at least once a month. Why do I choose not to do that kind of stuff??? cause I'm just not all that interested..instead I started the book group.
So then add to the typical stress and lonliness that an at home mom feels the fact that h did have an a even if "just" an ea...left for a while suggesting d and how would you expect that woman to feel?????
We just celebrated our 6th anniversary a weekend away without the kids. It was nice...I was a bit dissapointed with a few things but those things were my own expectations so I tried not to let them get me to down (I thought our anniversary would be a good time for h to ask me to wear my rings again but it didn't happen).
We had a nice few days away and in h's words...are trying to keep the ball rolling now that we are home.
last night I had a training session with the ambulance co. I knew that the sox were on at 10 so suggested that h "nap" on the couch til I got home and then I'd wake him and we could watch it. So we finnished a game of cards from the night before and watched the game (I fell asleep at the top of the 11th).
Things are going well...no complaints here other than I wish all this never happend!!
Hmmmm...seems like a little earlier in the thread you were complaining about more. What'll be? If the only problem is that you wish it never happened, then you just have to get over it. But you have said it goes beyond that because you have admitted had he not walked away, you probably would have. Don't sweep your problems under the rug. They will still be there.
Hmmmm...seems like a little earlier in the thread you were complaining about more. What'll be? If the only problem is that you wish it never happened, then you just have to get over it. But you have said it goes beyond that because you have admitted had he not walked away, you probably would have. Don't sweep your problems under the rug. They will still be there.
IMP
ok IMP,
push my buttons will ya!!
sure there are things about this r that don't thrill me...prime example being h's low libido...
ok so maybe that's the biggest one and feeds resentment into other areas.
I want things to get better...wish that h's work didn't drain him at different times.
Wish that he were a bit more open..or rather wish that he were a bit more opinionated about life but he has always had a roll with the punches sort of attitude anyway so why should I now expect different.
We are getting along seemingly better but there are times when though I am enjoying the friendship I'd like a bit more romance...but then h hasn't really been romantic since well since the wooing stages of dating.
I guess I just yern for him to walk up behind me and put his arms around me but then h was never that man anyway so how can I expect instant change.
I just wish that all of this crap didn't happen because it does make it much harder to deal with the "normal" down times in a relationship.
LL, Would hate to see you go from this BB, I'm not even in piecing yet, but that is one of my goals!
Quote: I guess I just yern for him to walk up behind me and put his arms around me
Even though your H never did that and you'd like him too. Maybe you could say, "sometimes I wish you would come up behind me and give me a hug, it would mean so much to me!" My H did use to come up behind me and hug me, nibble on my neck, occasionally. I wish now I would have praised him for doing it! I miss that! I will NEVER take him for granted again and will learn if you want something to continue you must show your S that you appreciate it! I'm starting to do that now, praise for good behavior will get you more of it! I just wish H would do more so I could tell him! Deb
Quote: Even though your H never did that and you'd like him too. Maybe you could say, "sometimes I wish you would come up behind me and give me a hug, it would mean so much to me!"
deb,
h is one of those strange men that if you ask for what you want you're not likely to get it...at least not right away..he kinda likes to make you wait so that it seems like it's his idea..no matter what it is. Thing is it's awfully hard to be patient and not ask again next week when what you asked for last week still isn't happening..but eventually...
Quote: My H did use to come up behind me and hug me, nibble on my neck, occasionally. I wish now I would have praised him for doing it! I miss that! I will NEVER take him for granted again and will learn if you want something to continue you must show your S that you appreciate it! I'm starting to do that now, praise for good behavior will get you more of it! I just wish H would do more so I could tell him!
what helped me was to realize some of the things that h was/is doing and acknowledge and appreaciate them even if they aren't in my love language.
be more like him and perhaps he'll be inclined to be a bit more like me???
Quote: Would hate to see you go from this BB, I'm not even in piecing yet, but that is one of my goals!
been on this bb for an awfully long time...most of those that were posting when I arived have since left and I have seen several cycles of new faces come and go as well. I'll probably never leave for good but I will start posting less and less as is some are poking fun at the number of posts I have.
)
