Thank God for the gym. If I didn't have that, I think I would become an alcoholic. I need to get out of the house most nights now after the kids are in bed. If it were not for the gym, I would probably end up at the local gin mill every night. When I am done with my workout, I feel great, too. Of course, all of the tight workout clothes wearing women there are a constant distraction, but all in all it is a good thing.
I'm with you on both of these. Thank God for the gym, and all those of the female persuasion in it!
Thanks, Sandi. It is very difficult to deal with. It is like she completely changed her personality, she isn't the woman I fell in love with right now. Unfortunately, I have never had an easy time with patience. So, the waiting is really difficult too. I want to make sure that during this time I am doing everything right, and apparently I have been making mistakes. I want to detach, but not become cold and avoid her completely. It is a difficult balance.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Well, I'm not going to the concert with W and her niece. The two tickets she bought were for the two of them. I just got a text: "Forgot to tell you, I got tickets for Kieth Urban and Sugarland for me and (niece) on Oct. 8. It's a Thursday night, so i will get someone to watch the kids in case you have an appointment with IC." WTH? How do I respond to that? What does she expect me to say?
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Sorry for the bump, looking for some advice. How should I respond? Or should I at all? Thanks.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Does it bother you that is going without asking you? If so then her behavior needs to be addressed as crossing a boundary.
If you are Ok with her going say, "Have a good time." Then make sure you are taking care of yourself. You need to book a night out with your buddies and don't ask.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
You know, in spite of everything, I really did think she would ask me. I saw the receipt in the printer for 2 tickets and got excited. I know i shouldn't have. It does bother me, but how can I set a boundary? She obviously doesn't care about my feelings, so why would she care about a boundary that I set? So, she is going to a concert with her 20 year old niece. And what about the way she tells me? Oh I forgot to tell you... give me a break. She knows full well that I would have loved to go, and that it was always our "thing" to go to theses shows. I swear sometimes I want to just give up. I know... venting here, just venting. Please don't whack me in the head with a 2x4, I already know what i am doing wrong.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I really do understand the disappointment, but I saw this coming when you posted earlier that you thought you two were going. You know this too. Shake it off and keep moving forward.
The real issue is whether this is a boundary issue for you. Like Coach said, if it is something that bothers you, then bring it up to her, but do it so that it does not come off as you being needy. Don't know, but it sounds like it's a girls only thing though.
The more I read your stuff, the more I am amazed at the similarities in our situations.
You're not alone. My first BOMB even came the same month as yours!
It all comes back to seeing things from her perspective. Keep in mind, her perspective is all jacked up right now, but it IS her perspective at the moment. Feeling that she can go to a concert, have some space, breathe a little and have some fun probably seems very appealing. Knowing that you're supportive by hearing you say, "have fun, I'm sure it will be a great show," would probably be nice for her.
It's excruciating to try to see their side some times, but you have to try.
btw...yes, I would have to fight the "what the hell?? this has always been our thing! Do you think that you are a 20 year old kid again? You better not be meeting up with guys...blah, blah, blah..." talk too. You just have to ask yourself..."will this bring us closer or further apart?"
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
It's the way she tells me. I could understand if she came to me and said "look, I know we usually go to these shows, but I really want to go with my niece to this one" or "Do you mind sitting this show out so I can go alone with my niece?" almost anything other than oh i forgot to tell you. She knew damn well, she didn't forget to tell me. SHe waited till she could text me at work and not tell me to my face. So which is it? Is she confused, thinks she might still love me, doesn't want to break up the family, doesn't want to hurt me? Or FU, I'll do what I want, who gives a rat's ass about you?
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
