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I feel so stupid. I can't stop contacting him. I wish I could. It's just so hard to work in the same building as him and see his car everyday. I guess if things had been drawn out like in most people's case I would be more okay with things but to be completely blindsided and detached in one day. This isn't the same man I married. I know people change but it's like he became a totally different person overnight.

I guess I'm just wondering for those of you have been through this...my husband is not willing to have any contact with me so if I GAL and move on and not have anything to do with him how will he notice? Does this actually work ? I have read DB and DR but it would be nice to hear from someone real that has been through this.

You have to give him enough space to miss you.

He cannot miss you if you are contacting him like clockwork.

It does work. You have to walk a fine line between being happy with your new life and not closing the door on the WAS.

It works better when you still have mutual friends I think, but it works. One of the things that piqued my STBXH's interest was my away messages on IM.

There is no one size fits all solution. That's why the first rule of DBing is "Do what works. Stop doing what doesn't work."

You are still in the first of the 4 stages (reducing negative emotions, friendship, romance, recommitment). Don't get ahead of yourself. If he rejects contact from you, don't do it for a month. Then feel him out again.

Take it one day at a time.

Try and look at your H with beginner's mind. How did you guys get together when you started dating? Who was the pursuer?

Anyone else get sick after seperating? I'm asking because I have had sever headaches, dizziness, nausea and vomiting the last few days. My friend says it's just stress because of the seperation but it's been over a month now and this just started as I said a few days ago. I'm going to the doctor in the morning just in case. I think I've done good I haven't contacted him since Friday and even though I really want to inform him of my doctor's visit I'm not going to.As always thanks for listening.

Yep! I was nauseous for nearly a month and a half, couldn't eat enough and was getting dizzy. Also fought with migraines. For me it was the stress/depression.

You only recently cut back contact with him. That changes things. In my case, it was essentially withdrawals. It was a physical reaction to finding out about the A, the arguments, and then the lack of contact - I missed his voice and touch even knowing what I did about the A. My internal conflict (missing him while hating him) manifested physically, and went away on it's own as I worked through my feelings.

That being said, go get checked out! It never hurts to get the doc's opinion.

Just wanted to update everyone. I have made it one whole week of no communication at all with my H. That has been hard but if I can go one week I can go another right???? Started a diet and am losing weight for myself this time. Bought myself a birthday present yesterday. I turn 30 next Tuesday so I went and bought myself the laptop I had been eyeing but he would not let me get. It is so nice having the freedom to do my own thing. Hope everyone is good. As always thanks for listening.

Oh yeah!!!!

You rock!!!

On all counts!

The not having to check with anyone before buying stuff part has to be one of the best things about being single! Enjoy it!

So H and I had a civil conversation yesterday over IM. I initiated the conversation but he gladly joined in saying he has been scared to talk to me, not wantin got pour salt in fresh wounds, still trying to figure things out, etc. I told him I could understand his concerns which is the same reason I hav enot contacted him however we do have on resolved business and we pledged to stay friends so we need to talk on the occasion not every day. I also told him I was done crying over him and never wanted to have another arguement so if we did argue it would be something he would start not me but I would gladly end. He was very polite after that even assuring me that there was no one else why he threw that in I'm not sure. I asked if he would like the playstation I bought back as I had took it when I moved and he said that would be very nice of me. I reminded him my b-day was comin gup and he said he remembered and would be sure to say something to me that day. I went and put the playstation on his desk after he was gone today and found a bright white receipt on his desk. He was never much into personal apprerance so this new interest in tooth whitening seems to hint to MLC which is what I thought was the problem. Not snooping by the way it was in plain site. Any thoughts???

Maybe he is trying to look good for Tiffany.



If you are trying to DB thru an affair it is different than DBing a WAS. Do you still want to reconcile with your husband?
You can handle it either way. It helps having some facts to know what you are dealing with.

Cheers

No we talked things through and Tiffany really is his co-worker Robyn's daughter. Robyn's phone was broken for a while so she was using Tiffany's. So I totally overreacted. He swore to me on his grandmother's grave that he was not seeing anyone else. His grandmother meant the world to him so I totally believe him. I wan thim back more than anything in the world I'm just making sure I am not looking for signs of hope that aren't there. example: today I was in a car accident and of course it got around the office. He sent me a IM to see if I was okay and to make sure the car was okay and to see if there was anything I needed help with. Ideally I would see that as a sign he still cared but I'm trying to look at him just being a good friend trying to help me out. Besides he has never been big on personal appearance with any of his girlfriends. Remember I have know him 10 years so I have seen him with a few girlfriends before we got together.