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Kitti,
Thanks so much for the chat this afternoon. You sound great! Keep looking for the positives, that's what keeps me going!
Talk to you soon
Deb

Hi..Kitti..I don't hink I have posted here..I am one of the "vets" that you talked about..been here oh about a year...I don't post much, as nothing is really moving with my m..I do like it here..it is upbeat here, and there are success stories to keep us going.
You sound like you have a grip on things...I say that just finding this place has made a life changing difference in my life...so much I did not think about before..that it is ourselves that we need to change, not our s.

So keep up the good work..I was thinking about leaving the board, but I really have met some great friends here that will listen and respond when I am having a doubting, whining, unsure day..and that makes it worth it.

Sue

Keep with the meditation kk, ...why do you think we say we "practice meditation"?

Even NOW I sometimes find my mind to busy to quiet down, but it DOES get easier and the benefits!!!

Well, I'm reading the latest book on talks with the Dalhi Llama...it's fascinating...looks into the physiology of what meditation does for us.

People LISTEN UP....meditation can actuall SHIFT BRAIN ACTIVITY....

Negative emotions such as anxiety, fear, depression, involve activation of the Right Frontal areas of the brain. Those of us who are anxious by nature have a lot of activity here.

Meditation has been shown (in brain imaging studies) to shift activity to the Left frontal areas...the "feel good" side of the brain...joy, peace.

Lately my meditations have ended with a three hour nap!...well that is peaceful, no?

Shiny

Good Morning Kitti,

I hope the sun is shinning on you today. Here it is raining but I may have found a very small ray of sunshine on the inside. I hope.

Have a great day!

I like this conversation on meditation! I think my left side must be the size of a pea! Can anyone recommend any books on this subject? I need to get focused!

Kitti, you are a great lady!

Deb

pam - positives are helping that is for sure pam! thanks as usual for stopping by and giving me a dose of sunshine

deb - always a pleasure sweetie, we got to get that GORGEOUS picture of you up there, wowza!!!! let me work on it today ok?

sue - thanks so much for stopping by my sitch - i think those that have successfully db'd (either with a working out of the r or even if all that happened was they became better people) need to stop in sometimes to help those that are new to this journey. you that have been there have so much to offer us that are just beginning

shiny - interesting stuff. i know that the mind is a powerful tool, that we have no clue in how to work it. there are cultures that have tapped into the resources of the mind (such as the buddah) yet we fill our minds with so much CLUTTER it's no wonder we can't get anything USEFUL done in our lives eh?

sage - i tried the "loving kindness" one again this morning and i must say, things were a bit better this morning than yesterday, so maybe practice does make perfect eh? thank you for the suggestion, i will look into that

*******************

ok - yesterday something PHENOM happened!!!!

i got a phone call from my hubby, and we were just talk talking about his day - laughing and carrying on about nothing, and then he was ready to get off the phone, and he said I LOVE YOU - i told him i love you too, and then said goodbye and hungup!!!

OH MY GOODNESS - he has not said that ON THE PHONE since BEFORE the bomb!!! i was STOKED, i couldn't believe it, a MAJOR baby step!!! i had a moment where i thought it was just a slip, but when he came home we had a discussion about something and then he said to me "that is why i said i love you today, i had to let you know that i do really appreciate the kindness that you have shown me and i wanted to let you know that i noticed"

talk about making my pma soar!!!

our discussion last night was very interesting to say the least - he started the conversation by telling me he really needed to tell me something.

a ff of his, in fact the woman i believe he had an EA with 8 years ago (which had ended but we are all still friends, distant but friends) called him and started telling him that she had screwed up her life royally and didn't know what to do.

he basically told her that he was in NO POSITION to give her advice on what to do, that this was between her and her husband and that she needed to go to him and fix it. and don't call him (my husband) again. he said that he was that kind of friend in the past but that he could not be that kind of friend anymore

then hubby proceeds to tell me that he realized how easy it was to fall into that trap of wanting to help her, but he stopped it - and he was proud of himself for doing that. he then reiterated to me how much he despises what happened between him and his PA and he even told me that these women knew what they had to do to get him to keep near. they knew the buttons to push to make sure he stayed around, and now he hates his PA for doing that to him, because he really thought he was helping her (at first i guess) - he told me he has come to the conclusion that he was being used and that it made him feel even worse

this all wasn't easy to listen to, but i validated everything he said and kept quiet mostly thru this, it's something i felt he needed to get out.

i do believe i see growth in this man. i do believe i see HOPE in our future. i do believe he is processing all of this and finally realizing what went wrong - and just the mear fact that he told this girl the other day that he couldn't be that kind of friend to her (or to any other female) was a huge step in his growth

pma right now is very high

after that discussion we had a very nice evening together, but at one point i got REALLY hot and heavy for wanting him so i just decided to leave the house and take a walk to calm down. he followed me outside and said "what's wrong - have i done something?" i told him no, i just needed some time alone "he said, did i put too much on you this evening" and i said "no, really, it's not you, just something i am working on" - he said "i know it's me, maybe not for what i did tonight but what i have done in the past" and i just gave him a hug and told him i would be back in a few. he watched me walk down the drive way and then yelled out "hurry back ok?" - i said "sure"

when i came back we watch a documentary together and really enjoyed ourselves.

all in all, a good evening

thanks for listening to my ramblings

kitti

Kitti,
This is all great! And we want to hear all the good stuff. It helps us out! Wow, what a wonderful day you had, it can only get better. You H is doing great and he is going to make it!

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much he despises what happened between him and his PA and he even told me that these women knew what they had to do to get him to keep near. they knew the buttons to push to make sure he stayed around, and now he hates his PA for doing that to him, because he really thought he was helping her (at first i guess) - he told me he has come to the conclusion that he was being used and that it made him feel even worse

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You H needs to write a book and hand it to all men! This is wonderful stuff, from "one of the pack" I think eventually most of the men realize what these woman have done!

I think my H is just now starting to realize what he has done; therefore the guilt and depression! I like your H for telling you all this, so you could pass it on to us! I needed to hear what your H thought. Bought my hope up!

Thanks for sharing Kitti!

Deb
And thanks for helping me with the picture! I was trying to figure it out last night!

WOW Kitti,

If I weren't already up today reading your thread would do that for me today!! GREAT STUFF!!!

Of course there is that Patience thing we have discussed.