I can so relate to this. My H's OW's H died last September. So my H is feeling like a hero to her, also. "she doesn't have a lot in her life" BS I say. I don't think she's as needy as H likes to think she is either. Maybe emotionally, but if she can drive a snowplow...than I don't think she's as helpless as H thinks she is thus the reason he'll soon tire of her. She's using him.
I'm not necessarily a needy person either, I'd like to be, but I've had some walls up for awhile.
Hi there kitti. Thanks for popping in earlier in the week ... you sure do get up at the crack of dawn, don't ya?
Quote: there have been times in our marriage where i have made the comment to him that the reason we always have had problems is because i wasn't NEEDY or CRAZY or looked at him as my HERO enough to keep him satisfied
Well I sense being needy won't work for you , but maybe a little roleplaying may work to feed his HERO image and even introduce some fun. What if you lock yourself in the attic one day so he came home to the "damsel in distress" calling out from the window? OK, maybe that's going a bit too far, but it may be worth exploring in some venue?!
Thank you for stopping by my thread. I've read this one of yours - it's so bright and inspiring with lots of good quotes!
About perfume - part of my DB strategy was to start wearing perfume again. This was one of the first things my H noticed - and it was an almost immediate and very positive response.
Hope your little sweetie is feeling better today.
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
andrew - thanks for the poppin in, doing ok i guess, i will be posting an update after i reply to those that posted to me
cathy - it's really quite sad to watch tho. him giving all this attention to other female friends, the stuff that was supposed to be for me his wife but because i am not as needy he doesn't feel as fulfilled, ugh, not having a good pma today so feeling very negative
pam - as usual, thank you so much for visiting me. you really are a ray of sunshine. i spoke with you earlier so i know your doing a bit better - {{{pam}}}
kaw - well if anything you brought a smile to my face - dont think i could ever do that but it was fun envisioning it. thanks for stopping by
mockers - thank you so much for stopping by. i am still looking into the whole perfume/pheromone thing - question is, is it really what i want?
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ok, i haven't posted much in my sitch because i have been having some really negative thoughts as of late. thoughts of wanting this all to be over and for us to be apart.
i am really trying to figure out if i truly love this guy or is my EGO just crushed because he felt it better to sleep with another woman? am i only trying to prove a point? that i can win him back? then where would we be? i am starting to feel almost like him, maybe there really wasn't any good times in our marriage
the only thing right now i can think of that is making me stay is my daughter. she loves him with her very being and i am not ready yet for her to grow up without a mommy AND a daddy at home (like i had to - am i living my life thru my daughter?)
i have been seriously thinking of how i can make it on my own, and here i am i don't even have a job. i went for training two weeks ago but it doesn't start until november, and i am in NO MOOD to wait, and heaven knows my hubby does not make enough money to support two homes, is that why i stay?
it's so hard, i know you all know this, but i conflict everyday in my head "am i being true to myself" = remind me again why i am here and why i am trying to make this work on my own
my heart is heavy, and i fear the future. i really need to work on "in the now" - i am trying people, i really am. but it's so hard to live in fear.
ok - let me try to bring this up a bit...positives
1) hubby actually let me lay my head in the crook of his arm this morning. and he rubbed my arm and held me (with one arm) for about 10 minutes.
2) i wrote him a text message to his cell phone today (having financial woes again and biz is not cooperating) "just thinking about you and hoping your having a good day. hugs kitti" - he called about 15 minutes later to let me know he appreciated the message and told me about his day
3) he sought me out this morning for a good bye hug.
sorry i am downer people, just can't help it today
Quote: 3) he sought me out this morning for a good bye hug.
I can't remember the last time my H sought me out for anything, let alone a hug. Oh yeah, he'd always seek me out for sex, morning, noon or night...the one thing I could always count on him wanting from me. I knew the day he quit pursuing I'd be in trouble and this is what happened and from that point on I knew something was definitely wrong.
Three positives! Sounds really good to me. I found it helpful to think about how'd I'd get along without H so I could let him go in my mind and I know I can do fine without him. Which makes me stand a little stronger some days and say poo on you to him.
I think mental imagery is a great way to get you used to a situation you might soon be in, it does me anyway.
I know I'll be okay either way, and if things don't work out between H and me then there's something better coming my way.
From time to time you're gonna have these kinda days because they swell from impulse to get impatient with the shortcomings that we have to deal with now. But they do pass and slowly they fade away when you start seeing yourself progress towards the future you envision where you are a loving, happy couple raising your daughter together. Think about what that would be like. What do you picture the three of you doing then? What do you picture is different between you and your H then. Is that something worth shooting for? ... even if it takes a little longer to get there? Give yourself a couple of days to answer these and if you come back with brighter answers, you will discover a renewed strength to one again exercise the patience that is needed to move closer to that vision.
The important thing to do now is to do nothing! Don't act upon the negative vibes your experiencing now ... as you have done, let yourself work thru emotion by writing it all down here ... but continue to act "as-if" it will get better to the outside world. Give some time to see if it will pass ... afterall tomorrow's dawn starts a whole new day and you may have a different outlook then...
Can definitely relate to the feelings that you're having. I certainly had them at more than one point. My 2 cents? I think it's GOOD and honest and wise and truthful that you're making sure that your motives aren't ego driven....just try not to dwell on it TOO much. You're gonna have ups and downs, right? Focus on the positives...I think that your feelings for h will become clear.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
, but maybe a little roleplaying may work to feed his HERO image and even introduce some fun. What if you lock yourself in the attic one day so he came home to the "damsel in distress" calling out from the window? OK, maybe that's going a bit too far, but it may be worth exploring in some venue?!
