Steve, It's up to you whether you want to ruffle "pet pet's" feathers about the sleeping arrangements. If you want your bed back, then think long and hard how you will approach her about this.
Now, let's look into what may have triggered the crisis. The young lady didn't trigger the crisis, something else did. Think back to about 18 -24 months ago...what happened? Was she promoted, changed jobs, death in the family or a friend, health issue? How old is your youngest child? Something triggered it. The young lady was just the icing on the mlc cake and helped her slide gracefully into it. They all tend to "hang" w/the younger and different people once the crisis hits.
Will she come out of it? No knows the answer to that question. She may come out of it and keep a few habits that she's picked up along the way. You may or may not like the new and improved wife once the crisis is over. Then again, you may opt to walk away and wash your hands of her after battling the mlc monster for months, even years. Ultimately, the decision will be yours as to whether or not you want to reconcile. But, for the time being, keep the focus on your children and on yourself. If you over analyze her every move or comment, it will drive you totally insane.
Read the MLC Resources thread, ask questions and come here to vent. Most importantly, watch your finances and take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I just slept in the bed and she slept outside. She then came into the bed because she couldn't sleep. The thing is I've had to do this the last 2 weeks.
Your all right in that you can't fight it. I think she has started working full-time and that may have triggered it.
I think now I just have to work out a couple of things: 1. How do I now balance the needs of my kids & myself whilst trying to take care of them in a dysfunctiomal relationship ? 2. How long do I let this go on before I end the relationship ?
Atm I'm wondering if she will ever have the ability to act like an adult. Will I always miss out on adult conversation & an adult intimate relationship ?
I think in someways the only way to get through this is to forget that your married. You have to be a doormat to a degree. I also have to realise that she has basically the emotional maturity of a teenager. You can't talk to her about what is going on because she can't express herself.
Steve, Never be a door mat! Live your life to the fullest. You will now have to be "both" parents for a while to your children. If you want to go somewhere and take the children, then do so. You can always invite her, but put the ball in her court to make her own decision.
Yes, you have a teenager on your hands and you will discover that she will not be the person you once knew. In fact, in many cases, you will not like the person she's become. She was stunted early on in her childhood and now she must go back to that time and recreate the scenario in order to grow up.
The decision is in your court as to how long you want to put up w/your situation. Many will waffle and fall, but we are right there to pick them up again and keep them moving forward. We will do the same for you. You will have to find a happy medium that will work for you. Maybe consider her a roommate for a while and see how it goes...You will need to keep your expectations at zero at all times and never expect her to tell you the truth about anything she's doing or done. Do not expect her to be reliable and at some point her memory will become mush and she will be extremely forgetful.
Always remember...we are here for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm real unclear about the seperation issue. It seems to me that she needs to grow and I need to behave as if I am not married as well - except I'm the one taking predominant care of the kids. In that scenario a seperation might help but it doesn't seem right that I should leave the house and I think that is the best advice.
Steve, You do not leave the house under no circumstances. If you leave, you are giving her the keys to heaven! This is your home too and your children are there and need you to be the stable parent in all of this.
If the situation becomes unbearable, then she should be the one to leave. Do not make her situation any easier for her. She's the one that wants to play in the sandbox and go back in time. She's the one that needs to grow up.
Whatever you do, do not suggest your moving out.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
so very similar to how mine started! did the "i love you but not in love with you " happen yet?
yeah mine was going out just like that then she would lie and say she was at/with other friends later I find she was not...
ive found the younger kids they "hang" with will give all sorts of relationship advice and they will take it as its what they need to do with out the slightest idea they just got advice from a kid who would have no idea.
the lies just dont stop and the money? WOW look out if you dont see it yet it will happen and they will be good at hidding it too!
hidden CC loans ect...
mine well she is so far into it right now im the cause of everything wrong in her life. im an "ass" ect. she gave up the kids and seems fine with it.
every once in awhile she tends to have small breaks where she misses me and the kids but resorts right back into im the problem.. we never were right .. ect. its just a ride and until you REALLY protect your self she will keep pulling your strings too. ive been back and forth so many times . I finally decided I just cant take the ride right now and im keeping my distance and i need to hold this firm. ive done this befor in small amounts but she got used to it. now i need to try months on end. if for nothing else i will be better
Yeah - mine is lying about where she is going etc.
And I'm sure she is taking realtionship advice of her friend who is a child and has divorced parents. It is actually funny.
How do you protect the kids ? Did she leave you with the kids - imo that would be awesome.
well, when she first left she took all three that lasted for about a day or two then she let me have the girls so they could finish school here (not much of a fight getting the girls) then she kept my son because his daycare is near her work... funny thing is her "friend" the young girl she confided in was her roomate right away with out skipping a beat. then after several months she gave me my son she said she was broke and could not afford to fight?? (long story but she makes more, and there was bassically no money involved i just told her to delete my cell number and she then gave my son up) funny thing is i offerd her the kids for the summer and she refused.. i think she just wants to be a kid
she acted upset at first but it fadded very quick!!!
as far as protecting the kids well IDK i try to seem calm and collected i let them talk about the issues and let them know she still loves them and so do i .
