Here is my OWN opinion as to what can happen in different marriages:
Both spouses are LD, have little sex, and are very happy.
Both spouses are HD, have lots of sex, and are very happy (This in effect is the PERFECT MARRIAGE).
The Husband has LD and the wife has HD. This marriage will probably be in trouble, but I think that many women in this situation can tolerate the situation because many of their other needs are met, and I have yet to actually meet a women (even a HD woman) that has a sex drive that is even close to a below average sex drive on a man. Ask yourself, how many women want to have sex EVERYDAY like the average man does.
A LD women marrying a HD man. This is THE WORST POSSIBLE MARRIAGE. Most men I know are in this situation. Of all of my buddies, only 1 man I know actually has an acceptable sex life by male standards. When men get together and happen to talk about sex, only the real young guys still have positive thoughts about their love lives, while the rest of the guys think about what once was. Most men I know are actually only still married because they are honoring there commitment, and they are afraid of NOT being married. For this kind of marriage, unmet sexual needs make it impossible to have a decent marriage. Where as women have tend to have needs in addition to sex, if you look at the top 3 needs for men, they are basically ALL ABOUT sex. So if you ask a man in this kind of marriage how happy he is with this kind of marriage, make sure you ask him alone, and then you will get the TRUE answer.
I completely understand your pain and frustration being the HD spouse as I am in my R. Please know that there are HD women that suffer just as intently and in the same way as men do from the lack of sex in their R. We HD women are definately not a majority, I just want you to be aware that we do exist. We are miserable and suffer as our needs of all kinds are not being met, or even attempted to be met by some of our LD husbands.
Just because you have not personally met or have known one of us, that does not mean that we do not exist.
I understand that you are venting your frustration on this BBS as we all have. Please keep reading as it does help to have these friendly strangers give words of advice and wisdom. We really do care and try to help each other out with our situations.
I think that LOTS of things are bad for children within a marriage. The perfect scenario is both parents being together, loving each other, showing each other a decent amount of attention, both looking out for each other and the children. My mother and father were married for 26 years. No, not happily. There was no fighting, but lots of quiet times, lots of unresolved issues, lots of problems never being talked about. Everything was under the table so to speak. They might have been together living under the same roof, but it was in no way a normal, loving relationship. They both loved us, but we did not witness throughout our childhood any kind of a normal relationship. Should they have stayed married? Who knows; I really don't know what would be worse, to stay or have left. But I do think that it affected all of us to this day. It is so hard to say what is absolutely best for the children; there is abuse in marriages, verbal, mental, physical...none is good for children to see. And as far as making a marriage a good one, you can certainly tell yourself to try and accomplish that, but try telling your spouse who wants out. But I will say that I respect anyone two people who can do it successfully. Intimacy is important, and the lack of it creates such resentment over time. We all know it isn't just about "sex", but what it represents; to be wanted, loved, and to feel needed and attractive.
I know I would give ANYTHING if I had a wife like that. I am not sure if I have an upper limit on too much sex, I know I have never even come close to finding out.
Heaven knows its awful. I kind of look at the need for sexual fullfillment as being the make or break need in marriage. If marriages got letter grades, then the need for sexual fullfillment is worth 80% of the overall grade. If my wife meets ALL of my other needs but fails on sexual fullfillment, she still gets an "F" because the need for sexual fullfillment IS THE ONE NEED THAT MUST BE MET. My other needs are NOT this important to me. I want to be "Lovers" with my wife and NOTHING less. To be "Lovers" absolutely REQUIRES a GREAT DESIRE for sex, nothing less.
To me there is nothing worse then to be in a relationship where you want your spouse, and yet they do not want you in return. Reminds me of the times where you might have a crush on a girl in high school, only to have her tell you she no longer wants to go steady, she just wants to be "Friends". LD spouses in effect, just want to be "Friends".
