I feel the same way. My w said her counselor told her not to bother offering me chances to change if she thought change was not possible...so she didn't offer me even a week to change. Said she didn't want to waste her time.
Then I look at all the time and money she has wasted pursuing a divorce for what she thinks are greener pastures and for what I know is the destruction of our family and taking away a possibility of a whole family for our 7 month-old son...it makes not sense that she is prepared to "waste" an infinite amount of time on divorce, but not on working on the marriage. After 4 years of being married, I'd expect some better treatment than that...friends tell me that alone is why I shouldn't bother with her anymore and just move on, protect my interests, and focus on my son. Accccccccccch! This is hard to take. Do you feel that way to v1olin?
Yes, I do. She was my best friend for a very long time and we have been through alot. We have two daughters and we lost a son together. We have both been to our grandmothers funerals and our inlaws hospital beds. I was there with her all those times she was down,tired, and sick. I supported her through her career while mine suffered. I raised a baby on my own for 6 months while she was at work and now I am not fit to live in my own house! Yes, I do feel like I deserve better.
Last edited by v1olin; 08/06/0904:37 AM.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
My wife is not in a PA but she is way too attached to a "friend" who is also married and has two children. Tonight I found in a journal of hers that she was thanking god for the time that she spends with this guy and that he has shown her how a man should treat a woman and a man should be compassionate,caring, and confident. WTF?? and the people on here have not said one thing about this being a problem. Even my DB coach said to not worry about it? As if I am not those things? I have been working my ass off to save this marriage/family and this is what I get?
Its a serious problem in your situation.
how have your been working your ass off? seems to me from your thread you are helping pave the way to divorce and are now more concerned about custody and child support.
defeatist attitude :
Originally Posted By: v1olin
I have come to that same reality about a month ago. This divorce will happen.
Steve, I have been trying everything that I can to bring this sitch to some kind of improvement. At first I did all kinds of home improvements. I moved out of my own home. I moved my business from my home to a new job. I have my kids more than my wife does so she can have "alone time." I went dark for a month or so until I missed my kids too much. Now I have a temporary legal order so that we have a schedule and I see them everyday except her weekends. For the last month or 2 I have been driving 100 miles a day to make it all work and I still find time to do dishes for my wife,cut the grass for her,clean the kids rooms etc. I keep getting conflicting advice! What should I do?
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
I know this was more in response to v1olin, but I feel like I am "paving the way for the divorce" as well by being concerned about custody and child support.
Within a few weeks of my w's divorce filing, she reduced my time with my infant son to 1 day/week for 2 hours. I pleaded with her for more time for several weeks and no response. I was then forced to get a temp motion for a better visitation schedule, which she settled out of court. Is that paving the way for divorce or just not being a doormat?
My w has requested double the guideline support, my car, 3 months of cash, and more. I was unable to get her to lower that in personal negotiations. She then filed a motion for temporary support where she painted an extremely negative picture of me. I had to then get an attorney to protect myself and deal with that motion. Is that paving the way for divorce also?
I don't ask these questions sarcastically Steve McQ. I'm truly at a loss as to how to walk the line between protecting myself financially and desperately wanting my wife back, but yet not becoming a doormat.
The point is that w has shown me that she is willing to use our son as a pawn and literally lie about me to gain financially. I believe that she is a good woman deep down, but has been carried away with her emotions in this divorce.
Oh yes, her parents believe our son will not be affected by the divorce at all, despite all the studies that show that in low-conflict marriages, it is the long-term effects of the divorce that cause the most problems, not the act of divorce.
Within a few weeks of my w's divorce filing, she reduced my time with my infant son to 1 day/week for 2 hours. I pleaded with her for more time for several weeks and no response.
That's just meanness dont ya think? I can understand your feelings toward retaliation. But I think the healthiest thing to do is to set aside the anger and resentment. You will need to do that first before you can have any meaningful conversation with your wife.
Yes, of course I've tried to do that. It really was a deep pain of seeing my son change each week and not being a part of that. One week he's bald. The next week he's got fuzzy hair. Then he's flipping over. I was unable to put aside my feeling that I am missing those precious times and will not be able to regain them. My son was simply becoming a stranger to me and I could not take that anymore. More of that than any anger and resentment towards w.
