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I left the thank you card on the counter when I left the house this morning. I just got this text: "Thanks for the card! Do you know when the plumber is coming today?"

Thanks for the card? Thanks for the card?!! WTH? And it was sent with when is the plumber coming? What's up with her? Sandi2, any thoughts?
Sorry... I know I shouldn't expect anything. Still, I would have thought SOME kind of reaction other than "Thanks for the card".
Maybe she is waiting till I get home from work. I'm not expecting her to run into my arms when I get home, but I gave her a thank you card instead of an anniversary card. Isn't she affected in some manner about that?
She sent another text about bringing the boys to see "G-Force" tonight. She wants to eat at the theatre and see the movie. I said yes.
I probably need a 2x4, but please wrap it in bubble wrap, I am a little fragile today, it is after all our anniversary.

Oops, thats weird, my post went up twice.

Hi, O,

Hey, she said thank you. That's a good thing. In the worst of my almost WAW days, I wouldn't even have acknowledged it. And a movie together too? Jackpot!

You can drive yourself to distraction looking for hidden or additional meanings in her reaction - so just don't. It's crazy-making and it will trash your PMA. Accept her thank you at face value. Smile and say "You're welcome. The plumber is coming at XXX. See you tonight at the movie!" (Assuming you know about the plumber)

Hang in there!

(Here's something a good friend of mine always says. "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and swing."

Thanks, Dia, I know I should focus on the positive. I wish the movie was just the two of us, but you are right, we will be going out as a family at least. My PMA is already at a low point because of the day, so I am trying to bring it back up.
Mule, thank you for your advice, too. I don't bring up R talk with her, and don't let on how much I want to be intimate with her. I'm trying to be detached and all.

The count is 0-2 on Orich. Whats the pitch going to be from your wife? Curveball off the plate. Unhittable and makes you look weak swinging and missing.
Stop thinking like a "Nice Guy." Most of us here were in the club. Detaching means you have no attachment to the outcome of things. You gave her the card because it was the right thing to do for you. Her response (outcome) is what upsets you. She didn't respond the way you expected. Do you care how a person feels if you are cuffing them for breaking the law (boundary)? No, you are doing the right thing because it is the right thing.
You only control your thoughts, feelings, emotions and actions. You are not going to win her back by giving her the right card, saying the right thing, being who she wants or looking the right way. You will detach when you are being the best Orich, Dad, husband and cop you can because that is what is great for you. You can handle it.

Strength and Honor.

Cheers
Coach

Coach - I remember you and I discussing this a lot last year. She is detached from Orich right now. She is where he needs to get to. The card was the right thing to do, but her reaction was script. I like Dia's response. The LBS has to understand just how detached the WAS is. It will help understand responses just like the one Orich received this morning.

Orich - do your thing. You're a great man. Just be you. Be there for her. Not all over her. Give her the space she needs. Use that space for Orich time. Go learn how to hit Tiger's "stinger" so you can play golf in the wind. Ask coach how to hit a wiffle ball on a windy beach. Love your kids. You will get through this.

0-2 curveball off the plate, Coach?? That's so cliche. In this day and age of pitch counts and setup men, why not another blistering fastball inside??

Strength and Honor. And You can handle the 0-2 pitches.

Mules

Well, I am venting here. I didn't react to her text, and I won't when I get home. She is detached from me, but I think I am doing a good job of detaching from her. I sent the thank you card, not the I will love you forever anniversary card. I am cool and calm at home. I try to do my own thing like read when she is doing her thing. I go to bed different time from her, and I don't ask her to watch TV with me. I don't expect to get a card from her today, either. While it hurts, I won't let it affect my attitude. We got several anniversary cards from family yesterday at my sons bday party. I assume we will open them tonight. I know at least one of them is a gift card to "our" restaurant.
We'll see how that all goes.

Staying strong!

PAY ATTENTION.. This shows her mindset. She doesn't have the correct feelings for you.



Nice pursuit. She doesn't get you a card for your birthday, doesn't give you much of a reaction when you compliment her and then clams up when the kids go to bed and YET you want her MORE than ever... This only shows YOUR low self esteem and is nothing but pressure and pursuit. She feels it and senses it in you. I sense it too. Imagine how much MORE she senses your pursuit. You are not in reality about this. You are in denial.

Trying to get a woman to love you back or reconcile with you while she is treating you this way TURNS HER OFF. You are showing her that no matter how she treats you that not only will you be there for her, but you WILL TRY EVEN HARDER. The more she rejects you the more you try different approaches to show her how "deep and unconditional" your love is. You are sadly mistaken if you think this path will work. It won't.



Correct. You should NOT have said it that way. You are coming across as a little child that is feeling sorry for himself. You are "losing" more and more control? That is weak and that is NOT MASCULINE. Women are not attracted to weak men who have no control. Time to stop telling yourself this nonsense. (and it is nonsense) and to start acting like a mature strong confident man. No wonder she can't feel the right feelings for you. She treats you like crap and you not only take it, but seem to want her MORE. Women do NOT respect or feel love for a man who allows them to treat them like this, and then to top it off the man pursues and tries a different approach.. (the friend approach, the compliment approach, the card with what a great mother you are approach, etc. etc. etc.) Sounds like the "approach for the day".. What approach will it be today?


Now. After all of that.. Look what you do next...
You asked HER if she wanted to go to dinner for your anniversary. She tells you no. MORE PURSUIT. No matter what yo call it, THIS TYPE OF STUFF IS NOTHING BUT PURSUIT. Until you can admit that, you are spinning your wheels. You gave her a card, you asked her to dinner, you compliment her. If this is not pursuing then what is it? Trust me. She feels it, she senses it. Every day from you.






God forbid that you DON'T get her a card. (which is what I would recommend for a woman who treats a man like your wife is treating you.) God forbid that you show some backbone or that you start to realize that rewarding her type of behavior is nothing more than enabling and nothing more than showing her that what works the best to get you to love her, is to show you that she isn't sure. YEP.. The less she gives you the more you try.



Your mindset in your answer to Puppy says much. You will have your BEST chance for her to come back when you are saying things like this to yourself... "Do I have a niggling feeling inside about why would I keep trying to get a woman to love me and is SHE worth staying with a great man like me"




I can think of a number of things you are not giving her...

A man with confidence.
A happy man.
A secure man
A man with enough backbone to say and ACT UPON.. fine, if you don't want me, then there are plenty of other fish in the sea who will want a man like me and they also WILL treat me well...
And I WILL be witha woman who does. I am perfectly fine without you and as a matter of fact, maybe this IS for the best.

A man who give her a challenge.


To name a few...

Ouch.
Am I screwing this up that badly? I didn't realize.

Usually I agree with Gucci, but not in this case.



I remember the year I completely forgot my anniversary. And my husband came home from work with roses and a box of chocolates. And surprised me. I was an unhappy wife at that time, but when he showed up with the flowers and candy, that meant something to me. I remember my daughter remarking afterwards, "Mommy forgot it was the anniversary, and Daddy brought flowers and candy!" And we all marveled at it and laughed about it. It was a nice thing to do. It didn't change my life. But it made me feel better about my life at least for a little while.

I think you are doing fine Orich. You have to make it through another month with no more emotional swings from her so that you can get to Retrouvaille and really give healing a shot. Just keep doing the nice guy routine. It's not working so badly for you. It got her to turn around at least once already.