I need to go take care of some D-related banking and paperwork today. It sucks, but it is what it is. I keep having these dreams about Her. Unfortunately, my internal gyroscope is spinning wildly and I am seriously fighting the urge to call/text/email Her. It's dumb, irrational and violates all sorts of DB rules, I know. It frustrates me that I can be cruising along one day and then all obsessive the next. I need to hide my phone ... and find a gym ... or something.
I'm just venting ... I know I'm supposed to be detaching from Her. I think I've been doing a decent job at it, lately anyway. It is hard to stay detached while filling out the D paperwork. I'm trying to treat the process like a business transaction, but seeing the forms in print just sets my head and heart spinning. I don't know how it can't. We can either file the forms and avoid court altogether, or we can show up in court and get the exact same result, since we agree on how to split up everything. Doing it this way makes more sense, but it doesn't make it any less painful. Going to court wouldn't be helpful for me either. The whole thing just makes me physically ill. I think I just need to get everything signed and mailed, then I can forget about it hanging over my head.
I feel like I'm on this boat that I never wanted to be on in the first place. It's floating down the river and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I do have control of where the boat goes now that I'm stuck on it, but I'm still mad I was put here in the first place.
and throughout all this time, you never took Gucci's advice to start dating? You seriously had nothing to lose and all to gain, it may have been the kick in the butt for your wife to realize what she's losing when she hears you're dating.
Dating means you're moving on, it's becoming your decision now, not hers.
Someone else dating you increases your value in her perception, currently she's leaving you, you have little value in her eyes.
No one is telling you sleep with anyone or fall in love, just to date other women - it would make your more attractive in her eyes and increase your self-confidence & self-value.
Lately your posts just describe to me how much control over this situation you DON'T have and how much she has.
Actually, I have been out with a variety of women since this has all gone down, and a little before. She actually saw me out to lunch with a woman the day after I got served. I'm not sitting around pining away hoping she comes back. I've moved to a different city. She has no idea where I live. We have zero contact.
I was doing well going about my life. Generally, I feel good about myself. My new place is cool. I'm doing stuff that I enjoy - and in fact I've never stopped. I've just been caught a little off guard by my emotions surrounding the filling out of the paperwork. It makes me frustrated that I can't see the emotions coming and it surprises me how strong they are.
It's dumb, irrational and violates all sorts of DB rules, I know. It frustrates me that I can be cruising along one day and then all obsessive the next. I need to hide my phone ... and find a gym ... or something.