I understand. When the more normal times come, you can almost forget this is happening and then blam, you get slapped in the face. My H is a master at it. I'm sure they all are and I think for those that live with them, it is very difficult.
I was reading something last night, it was a channeled message from the Archangel Gabriel, if you believe in that sort of stuff, but it really doesn't matter where it came from in the end. It was a message about overwhelming tasks. It said that nothing will be put before us that we cannot handle and overcome. We are all here to learn things that our souls need to learn and that is what these trials are for. We are not being set up to fail by being given things that we cannot endure. However, because of free will, we can make choices that make the trials last longer, but untimately God and the angels are with us, helping us through this. Remember God says I know the plans I have for you. Trust is just so important.
I don't know how "spiritual" you are, but many people believe we are living in an extrodinary time because a shift in universal consciousness is happening. Which will be a wonderful thing but our souls are working harder and learning more in one incarnation than in the past. And the children are a whole different set of people than children of the past with strengths within them that prior generations didn't have. As I am a perpetual student of everything, I have read a ton of stuff about this. Many believe that the children born since the early 90's fall into a category being called Indigo children. At least many of them. They are more intelligent and much more aware of the different planes of existance than we are. Just interesting stuff and makes me wonder if this is where my S is drawing his strength from.
As I was growing up, I knew many many religious people, people who believed in God, but one thing I noticed was they never talked about hearing him. Or listening to their own intuition. That is what this shift is supposed to be about. A large shift in our overall consciousness and awareness about our existence. I have wondered many times if it is happening simply because of this board. So many people here now talk about being still, listening to their own knowing, hearing God's words. Whether it is God or universal power, or whatever you want to call it, it is something to think about. Maybe that is what these trials are for, to open us up to ourselves and the power that we all have and making us more compassionate towards others on a whole, just starting at home. Ok I've mused and ruminated enough.
Have a good day.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I`ve heard that too, Cat, about all the problems being thrown at us being for our own learning. When H asked me last week "How are you?" (well, I knew he didn`t really ask out of concern for me but was perhaps, curious about how I was handling our strained circumstances). I answered very truthfully. I told him that yes, it was a very painful place but that in LOTS of ways I`d learnt so much from all of it, that I have a greater inner tranquillity than I ever had before and that so much good had come already from all the pain.
Doesn`t stop me wanting him to take the high road forever though!
Part of what I`ve been working on is listening to my inner voice. Like you Cat, I really do a lot of thinking in all of this. Trying not to come from the head place al the time though but being aware of a Higer Power in all of this. I`ve just started reading The Heart of the Soul by Gary- (google!)Love that its promising to get me tune into my own feelings-those deep seated feelings of rage/sadness /whatever we put the mask on.
Yeah, I`d LOVE if our H`s all read this book. I`m convinced that my H has more baggage than a Boeing 747. And somehow, dork here was(get this!) ATTRACTED to the baggage! (yech!)Oh and of course, I threw my own baggage in on top of his which just about(even though its a mere briefcase compared to his lot!LOL!) amounted to putting a match on a heap of gunpowder.
So now we`ve got the firework display!
Anyway, forget about our H`s looking into their hearts(H told me last week "You may be going through a life crisis but I`m not. My problem is YOU!"!) This journey really is about US! We`ve to work on our own baggage. We`ve to feel our own anger, pain, sadness.We`ve to learn that we are truly lovable. We`ve to love ourselves again.
TIF, I hear your sadness, girl. Its damn HARD to live with the most inconsiderate roommates in the world. I really believe that they are swiping out at us in any way they can-dirty dishes in the sink, leaving all the cildcare stuff, the worry about bills, to us.
But from their perspective, if we`re actually looking fab, having fun,relishing our journey, that just adds fuel to their fire and they really want to try and make us suffer more. So if H`s are acting up, that`s a sign, IMHO, that their noticing our progress.So bawl your eyes out on your own, don`t let him see he`s getting to you.
Cat, I wonder about the setting boundaries thing in your case. H `going berserk` as you said in my thread re you getting another animal. Sounds very controlling on his part. Why don`t you get it anyway and challenge that? You`ve got to pull him on going beserk at any rate. Remember my fingers in my ears trick? Don`t let him talk down to you. Heck, why don`t you tell him you`re getting four animals and then just settle for one! Lol!
At the end of the day, in all of this, if I can continue to improve myself AND if I achieve a more amicable separation, that in itself will be progress. I suspect its going to take more than one lifetime for my H to shed his baggage and I don`t know how long I`m willing to wait.
Well, H and I had quite a conversation last night. Looking back at your post, Cat, you said "When the more normal times come, you can almost forget this is happening and then blam, you get slapped in the face. " Yup.
We had another late night conversation but his one he seemed much angrier than normal. He wasn't in a good mood when he came in but said there was no real reason. Anyway, he kept pushing me to find out my "feelings" on things and why I want him to stick around, etc. I basically said I made a promise and I intend to keep it. He of course kept pushing me that i have to be miserable, etc. I said I was fine, enjoying the kids, trying to find new things to pursue, etc. Anyway, he really kept pushing even though I kept trying to steer the conversation away from anything resembling R talk. So then he starts telling me what MY feelings are and explaining things and honestly some of it just didn't really make sense. I did at one point tell him to stop projecting his crap onto me.
I felt awful after the conversation and now am trying to put it all in perspective after very little sleep, and trying to remind myself it is not about me. It is hard.
I do see the childhood wounds at play. It is so interesting to hear him say sometimes in so many words and sometimes implying that the things he is trying to make himself different/make things better aren't working.
I gained a lot of insight this morning reading your thread and people's responses. Storm's reminder of the confusion was good for me. So are the reminders that this is their journey and it can't be rushed.
I just thought he seemed to be making progress, particulalry in our relationship, and then BAM.
So now I am back to regrouping, regaining my PMA, and moving on as if the conversation didn't bother me as much as it did, and hopefully soon it won't.
Remember you and I are in the same situation. H still living at home. We see everything they do, and because of that we analyze constantly. At least I do. We need to remember to keep our eyes looking up, and not on the circumstance. It's hard I know. And because they live at home, the urge is there to snoop. I did it because I was looking for a sign that they had broke up. And more often than not, I would find something that I wished I had never seen. Mostly ow love notes to H, or receipts of things he bought her or places they went. I finally made up my mind to stay far away from all of it. And, if that wasn't enough, his cell would vibrate, he would look at it, and text back. Right in front of me. Like he forgot he was married! I am starting ( and hoping ) to think that she is becoming controling and desperate. And through it all, I have continued to be the bigger person, and give her nothing she can say about me. Oh sure, she probably wonders why I haven't moved out of my house yet, that I'm being stubborn. And, she probably tells H that. Every so often she probably asks what's going on with the D, why is it taking so long. I hope she gets real controling, and H starts seeing her for what she really is.
Ok,I'm done venting now!
Did you read Serenity's poem, " The Courage To Let Go" ? If not, read it. You will be blessed by it.
MJ, Thanks for the encouragement and the reminders. I know, I have a hard time getting caught up in the analyzing and not just trying to live my life and take care of the kids and just be happy.
Let's hope the OW in your case is becoming controling and desparate! Sounds like a surefire way to end that relationship.:)
That poem is great - thanks for the recommendation. I guess that is my problem - not truly letting go and trusting that God will work things out for the best, whatever that may be.
I have been having a hard time lately with the roller coaster - but mine rather than his. One day I am happily detached and my focus is where it should be. The next I am feeling like I am just done and tired of being treated like I am not at all important when I know I could find somebody who WOULD treat me that way so why am I sticking around? The man I married was full of integrity. This one, not so much.
Right now I am living with half man/half alien which is strange. So much of the time he "seems" normal with his interactions with the kids, the dog, and even me at least to some extent. Yet he still wants space, is not around much, doesn't want to include me in his life, and obviously doesn't want the day to day responsibility of being a family man. Yet he hasn't quit his job like he said he was going to and just yesterday he finally got around to doing a couple of things I have waited months for him to take care of.
Commented about this a bit on my thread. Yes I think we all go on our own rollercoaster, but at least for me, it is more like a see saw or a swing now (you know, up and down, back and forth). You will be ok.
Yes my H went through this too at the end of last year, finally doing things I had been waiting for for a long time. Just part of the process. I think they test the waters for themselves in so many ways, just trying to make sense out of stuff and feel productive.
Are you still praying and meditating? That helps to settle me when the swing starts to move.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Definitely not praying as much as I should and I am noticing that my focus is off, I worry more, and I have a harder time seeing the big picture. Trying to get that back higher on the priorities!
I can see my H trying to make sense of stuff now a bit. I need to have a big discussion with him about finances and I don't know how he will react - alien or human?
Sorry you got the slap in the face. But you handled it really well!
Seems like your H was trying to push you off your tightrope that`s taking you through the MLC abyss. He was trying to push into fear and anger but you stood strong.
Yup, its hard to take. You probably feel very lonely at times living with the Alien. But look at that conversation as a victory for you, for love and for sanity.
There`s a learning in these tough times for all of us.
Keep loving you, having fun, learning about your emotional switches and loving your kids.
