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Update? Take care and let us know if you need anything.

V/R,

Yes, I have been wondering about you too! I hope you are well.

Do we really need to ask? Hell, I could write the post FOR him at this point....

I'm really interested......



Can you Please share this advise.

Just do a search for "Gucci" and read all of his posts. The stuff speaks for itself.

Hey guys,
It's been a few days since I've posted so I'll give a quick update. I went with my wife to get my daughter's bridesmaid dress the other day and the wife kept yammering on about stuff from 10-12 years ago and I finally figured out that nothing is going to change until she can let go of this stuff so I told her that I didn't care to hear this junk anymore, don't bother me anymore about it and if you were interested in working on our relationship then I would be willing to talk. I "left" my cellphone in her car--I have a tracphone now. She found it, went through my texts and found some stuff she didn't like between me and my D, proceeded to call me up and bitch at me about my parenting? I laughed at her, told her she had a lot of nerve acting like she could judge me as a parent. I told her the only option she had to fix the sitch was to come home and work on our relationship and her relationship with her D, otherwise you did this, if you don't like the way I'm parenting then TS. She has offered to bring my phone back to me but has not done so and I really don't care. It's nice that she can't get a hold of me whenever she feels like it and I think it bothers her because she's not in control.

D and I went to the beach last night and rode go-carts, did the batting cages and went out to eat. My D then wanted to ride up the beach for a while. Got back and no messages from the wife on the home phone. It's just as well as she would probably have something to say that I didn't want to hear.

So, I have settled down for the most part. My days at work have been very busy. I work out almost everyday and take my D to the track 3 times a week to ride her bike while I run. I run 4 miles everytime and she bikes 7. She complains about going but when we are done she says she's glad we went. I can see a change in her demeanor lately as I've made her exercise, she's a lot more positive.

Not much else to tell. Puppy's right, he probably could give an update--that's one of the primary reasons I've stopped posting as much. It seems like not a lot has changed. The wife thinks I'm burger king and she's going to get it her way no matter what she's done.

Glad to hear from you, even if things haven't changed that much.

My husband also blames/resents me for things that happened years ago and when we went to Retro I saw in his journals that the reason he didn't forgive me was it allowed him to justify the BS he is pulling. If they choose forgiveness and acceptance then they have to acknowledge that running away, cheating, etc is ridiculous and they have to change...since then he has said he doesn't know how to forgive me, but again, that is a choice...

Take care

Had an interesting conversation with the wife last night but not a surprising one. I told her she needed to stop calling me unless she wanted to come home and work on our relationship. She said she thought we were pretty much over. Ok, I said, then let's get this over with. She said but I don't want to divorce you. I said no problem, I'll do it. She said why can't you just date some people and see how you feel about us? I said, what a minute(I've heard this before, a few months back when she was seeing OM), WTF, you're still seeing him, aren't you? She said, what are you talking about? I said, I'm hanging up, don't call back. She says, you're right, I am still seeing him, I've been sneaky, I've lied to you...I interuppted at this point and said, don't you dare bitch at me about anything every again. I said what is so great about what you are doing? What is so great about a guy that is married? She said, we don't argue about anything and I like the way he makes me feel. I said, yeah, no @#$%, that's because there's not a committment! This guy will say and/or do anything you want because you're giving him exactly what he wants! Silence for a minute then she says, you're right. I said, I have to go and hung up.

Fast forward to an hour later, she calls me back and says she's sorry. That the sitch is really messed up. I said, what do you expect me to say, that this is ok? What do you want? She said, I don't know. I said, from now on, don't call me, don't email me, leave me alone. She said, I can't. I'm ending it with him and I want to try with us. I said the only way for us to work is if you remove all temptation and move back home. If you stay in that apartment, you will keep doing this. She said, you'll probably never be able to trust me again--I didn't respond. We talked a little after that about work and the future--not our future together but about other stuff.

Here's some things she doesn't know. I was offered a job in Texas through the AF and it's not someplace she can go. I was also told there's a job for me in Hawaii pretty soon if I want it in the AF.

So, while the sitch hasn't changed, I feel that I have--let's see, I've become more cynical, less trusting of people, more easily prone to anger, etc--and those are just the good things! Just kidding!!!!

So, what to do? Puppy, I know you're tired of my sitch but your comments are rarely dull. Hoop, what do you think? Gucci??? I saw you started a thread, I've employed some of your tactics but have been unsuccessful in getting my wife back due to OM. Anyone???

How many times are you going to say this to her? That type of comment IS NOT WORKING. STOP saying this to her...

Some people need a challenge to wake them up.




BINGO. Sorry you don't see how important it is to take her up on her offer. She isn't coming back UNTIL she thinks you have found someone else that you like better.

Nothing else to tell you. If you don't value yourself enough to walk away from a woman like this then I can't help you. If I were you I would be off having social interaction with some hot looking women. I have found that to work far far better than the apporoach you keep trying. At some point I think I would have to admit to myself that telling her again and again that she needs to come home isn't working in the least.

Maybe you are addicted to this drama huh?

You will immediately come out of this and feel soooooo much better when you decide you want to be with a woman who can give you all of herself. They ARE out there. You just refuse to see them.

I hear you but fear that it will too late to reconcile at that point. It's almost like she thinks I should pursue her from the way she's been acting and talking, almost like I owe her something--hard to explain.




There's probably something to this--I don't feel that good about myself when I'm around her. She has this knack for making me feel like I'm unsuccessful and not smart. This probably means that she has more control over me than I think.



I thought about this for a few minutes and my answer is no. I hate drama. Maybe I'm addicted to the idea that my marriage is worth saving? Maybe I'm scared to admit that I cannot let go? I don't know. I find myself caring less and less everyday.



I'm sure you're right. So, how do I transition to this point without losing my sanity?