Well, I got caught reading DR and now I'm an Ahole for reading a book about divorce. Trying to explain it was a waste. Anyone else have this? Maybe I will just leave it out now, but I think that would be wrong.
I am so with you! I told my wife the books were about relationships and solutions based therapy techniques (she saw what I was reading before I actually started DB'ing) We need to get phony dust jacket's so our spouses don't know what we're reading. I now put the books out of sight, and transfer my solutions journal to a memory stick. If she wants to snoop, my own journal only has some simple stuff in it like "Do no harm", and things like that.
Hang in there buddy! Try to get centered and find a little time for yourself to let it all out. Be strong, and remember that your fighting for the both of you.
Drew, I do believe you are right on. I think the strikes against e are to get me to lash out to justify What she feels. It makes leaving easier when I am an Ahole! So keep me tipped andeaving makes sense
oh, absolutely. my xh picked fights for weeks before finally getting me to bite--which then justified his leaving and ending the marriage because he was "done fighting." It's a classic maneuver.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Wow, did I get torn apart tonight. Not much of my a$$ left after that chewing W decided to give me. I am thinking that there must have been another lovers spat in paradise for this mood to come out. Wishful thinking anyway, guess time will tell in the morning on that one. K....done venting and going to sleep now.
W wants to picnic with me and the kids. Guess that is a good sign. Still nothing there between us, and still planning to move out this week. Stupid rumors keep coming up from outside sources, I am so tired of that crap.
Isn't it amazing that one minute she wants nothing to do with you and the next she is wanting to go to a picnic? Very typical for a lot of WAW's. It wasn't for me b/c I did not want to be around my H anytime! I was only around family when I had to be. Just never know what is going on in her head.
Don't fight with her, but turn around and walk away. If you can leave the house for a while, that would be better....and give her time to cool off. But you can at least go into another room. Refuse to be baited in a fight, but don't stand there to let her wipe her feet on you. Walk away. As long as a wife can talk like that to her H, she won't respect him. Outside of trying to physically stop her (which you don't need to even try), all you can do is leave the scene. She'll get the message.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I have walked out for her simply calling a me a minor rude name. Told her I was not going to sit and be called any names, pissed her off even more, but there was no call for it all. Or I will just turn it around sometimes and say "so now I am (fill in the blank) now to, huh?" and walk away or get off the phone, whatever it is at the time. The biggest thing I have doing to her lately is not allowing any shadiness with me, if you are going to do something, I make sure that she isn't able to hide who it is with. It pisses me off sometimes, but I am not going to be lied to. No reason to lie if you don't feel that what you are doing is wrong, and if you are needing to hide it, then obviously there is some guilt there or you would not need to hide it.
