thank you....BND .....I saw him when he dropped off our daughter....all I could do was cry.... and hold him....and tell him he could ALWAYS come back home....and answered with I KNOW and hugged me back....no contact since then and dont plan to.... as you and lots of people say to me in here BE STILL... besos.
IRMAC....OHHH, the famous..."I know"...my H says that all the time..I have been away from the board for a while...I have nothing to report...my H still continues to tell me he's moved on...I don't call him AT ALL..he seems to like that...he has not taken my son for a night in 30 days...but is tomorrow night.....I saw H last night and the anxiety is still there, the hurt, the pain...but I'm doing better...I don't get to hug my H, and he would rather text me to tell me he's on his way to get son...for 3 weeks he would see me at my son's baseball games and not even say hello...that hurt...but I didn't speak to him either...he texts me cause he doesn't want to hear my voice...I really believe that one day, down the road a bit, maybe years, we'll find each other again...
Hang in there....(((HUGS)))
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I have been sitting here this morning looking back on this journey,and I have just one regret.....on this last fiasco my H did to my daughter, I didnt do an damn thing...I said NOTHING and I should have in defense of our daughter...I should of confronted him with what he had just done to her..the low life spineless way he told her she (O/W)and her daughter was joining them for dinner..this was their time... my daughter had looked so forward to spending time with him since she hadnt seen him since Christmas...why could he of not had this family dinner with her uncles that day ...she could of come along the next day if he wanted his new G/F to get to know the family... Why didn't I do something ....say something on her behalf.... My daughter had lots to say to him that afternoon...but as her mother I should have. Should I do it now?? Call him and give him a piece of my mind? I am so glad they dont live here in this town.He lives 900 miles away with her...but I know God moved him there because he knew how I would of handled this... Any advise? I have been so sick lately, I think my immune system is all whacked out from all the stress.... What do I do?????
Others may disagree w/me, but if I were in your shoes, I would sit quietly, for the opportunity will present itself for you to step over the threshold and tell him about his incident. He is in another world called "selfish". No matter what you would say to him right now, it will go in one ear and out the other. That's why it's important to wait for the opportunity to present itself. Believe me, you'll have that chance very, very soon.
I do hope that your daughter is doing okay. Yes, the stress in your life is causing your immune system to be out of whack. Slow down, take a deep breath and let it out. Keep the focus on you and your child.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Any thoughts on why picked her to have an affair with?They had a 2yr. relationship 15 yrs.ago we knew her from them working together....she left to work elsewhere never heard from her for 8-9 yrs.in Nov.1995 I found out they had had a 2 yr relationship.He literally had 2 families. I found out.he confessed.and we worked it out. the next 13 yrs were hard but we worked at it...was good.felt we were meeting each other half way.. Mom dies 11/06.....loses job of 14 yrs.03/07 06/07 starts new job meets her again.P/a starts...dad dies 11/07 the bomb drops tells me WHEN I SAW HER ALL THE OLD FEELINGS CAME BACK I love you but I am not in love with you.... I read and read in here trying to find someone who has been in a similar situation....someone I can relate to.Could they of been in love so much he thought he would give it one more try....I am sure she has done nothing but validate his feelings. how unhappy he was.how I bithced all the time.how we never had any money.how our kids will get over it...since her kids did well w/o their dad and our will too, kids get over things blah blah blah. today is my birthday and I am sure he wont call me to say H/B Why would I want some like this back into my life...not only did he cheat on me twice but twice with her...what is so damn special about her.And he lies so much everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie....He looks and acts so happy..so unfair...we have nothing but memories..and heartache.... I dont know this man he has become I dont like him very much..kinda scarry looking, if you ask me' But in my heart I know he is in there somewhere... MLC is very real....Jerry had alcoholic parents...very strict father..more strict on him than the other kids...but then he was the one who always did things to get into trouble Dad a very stern military man... mom a very unhappy alcoholic military wife. Not much love from them except the kids they loved each other.... Mom and Dad too drunk to care..she drank all day he was gone to work on the base..come home and get drunk..maybe he was unhappy too. Dont get me wrong these 2 had lots of friends.but I think they were all drunks... Maybe this is where the MLC is coming from from what I read in here. But I will...I wont say anything Snodderly....not one word..he is making it so difficult for me to keep praying for him.for his return..he just doesnt care ......what I see in him is a selfish lying,know more than everybody,arrogant,big kid attitude,money spending,spineless,eyes that are really alien like,show off,it could go on and on... WHY HER AGAIN??? I wish it would of been someone else.She knows and knew all about us.... Snodderly... ever heard of a husband with 2 affairs with the same woman with in his 25 yr marriage.I want to write to her kids and tell them what kind of a mother they have...that she is a homewrecker...broke up a family...I know where she left these kids of hers...one is only 15 still going to school and living with her older brother who is 25-28 yrs.old.I know where the live... the address.. I could easily write them something to tell of their beloved MOM..she is not what they think she is... Snodderly you have been in here a very long time, I am sure there isnt anything you havent seen or heard in here... Please..any thoughts to put my mind to rest...anything? WHY HER AGAIN???
Happy Birthday! No, I wouldn't expect any type of acknowledgement of your special day. Plan to do something for yourself and do not have any expectations about what he will or won't do.
What does she have that you don't? Nothing. It all about revisiting the past and the excitement of picking up where they left off years ago. It's that old "spark" from younger days and the thought of doing it just one more time takes over and they have to finish what they started so many years ago. Keep in mind, it takes two to spark the fire once again.
She's nothing special, she's just as needy as he is right now and they need to hold each other up while trying to find themselves. People like this feed off of each other until one is completely gone or used up.
From what you have described of his childhood, he's sought love and affection during that time and didn't get it. Who can compete with the bottle? He's searching for something that he didn't receive as a child...validation, affirmation and right now she's fueling his ego more and more. You have to remember, you know him best, his faults, quirky habits and he can't lie to you. As for her, he can pretend to be something he's not, lie till the cows come home and it's all a fantasy. A fantasy that will not last for old habits die hard.
Your complaint is with the woman. I would leave well enough alone when it comes to her children. I'm sure they are already aware of some of her antics and they are not responsible for their mother's behavior.
Just remember, the more you go after them in any way, the harder they will pull together and your h will protect her. There may come a time when you will have your say and I would do it then. Until that time comes, protect yourself, your children and your assets.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hoosiermama's H reignited a R from years earlier, although I think it was before Hooz met him. And I think there's someone else on the boards in a similar sitch, but I can't think who.
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
Dear IRMAC, I am not in your sitch... but I do have a beloved friend of mine, whose mother was in a similar sitch...
in that sitch, he married my friends mother and had three kids and a seemingly happy m. but apparently he kept in close contact with his x gf that he'd had just before he married my best friends mother, the story goes he married my friends mother bc she got preg. so i guess a torch was held..
anyhow she married and went on to have her own fam and he had his fam but neither partner knew the two of them maintained some kind of contact all this time... 15 years later... one day, my best friend was at a friend of hers HOUSE, and noticed her dads car in the next door drive way so she was like.. who LIVES there.. and her friend told her who it was (the name meant nothing to my friend) and went on to say "if thats your fathers car hes there alll the time". concerned she went home and toldd her mother, who knew instantly who it was. she confronted her h, who confessed to an affair... both marriages broke up right then as a result... friends mother later told her she'd always suspected, and warned him that if ever her kids got hurt, it would be over... and so it was.
it appears to my best friend that her father kept going back and forth to this woman... thru sixteen years of marriage... imagine.
I cant tell you how her mother coped... she died a few years ago from cancer... but I do know she resented the sitch bitterly and never got over it and never once tolerated the OW (whom he married once she ended the M.) my best friend doesnt like her, and doesnt consider her to be GM to her kids, but tolerates her presence for the father.
All i can say to you is that it does happen, these long connections with OP's... but everyone ends up knowing and theres no respect there. My best friends father, when her mother was dying... asked to speak to her, to 'apologise'. She refused and said no its only for him not for me.. and went to her death without speaking to him ever again. He has to live with that shame.
some people just have no idea of moral right and wrong... but in the end... they have to live with it and more, have to live with their kids knowing too. my best friend doesnt respect her father, or his partner. I think its safe to say, he suffered. and continues.
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
