My wife's a marginal and wordy writer. Throughout our marriage, in her career, I have helped her write - or written - most of her letters, goals, performance evaluations, everything. I've been her ghost-writer. And this:
Subject: Warm Regard: Hi, Gardener,
To clarify my position about our difference of opinion, I feel that leaving our marriage is the healthiest decision I've made in quite some time and stepping back into any relationship would only continue to jeopardize my health. So, I will move ahead to resolve and finalize the mediation with a goal of completing everything legal as soon as possible. I'll be sending you the mediators' information before the end of this week. Please pick one or the other – it doesn't matter to me.
My wishes are for future health and happiness – for both of us.
is not her writing.
"To clarify my position" Not her style "Stepping back into any relationship..." Nope. Why, an IC or MC talks like that! "So I will move ahead to resolve and finalize..." Nope "...with a goal of..." Unh-uh.
I credit Gypsy woman for getting my wheels turning on this. G-Woman said to me this morning, "Very strange.. yet very businesslike." Gypsy's a talented writer. Picked up on it immediately.
Gotta stop by her thread and say thanky.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
During the divorce process, I relied on my brother, folks I trusted, to help me with the wording when I had to respond to spouse. I was intimidated and clueless on how to write without getting caught in reflection and emotion. Sometimes after talking with my brother he'd almost dictate what I should write. I felt so helpless.
If your wife is used to turning to others for help with her writing, she won't stop just because she's not using your skills. I can imagine a scene with her counselor, friends going over the correct way to phrase picking a mediator without being antagonizing or emotional, just matter of fact... which if you're getting divorced is a good way to be.
The house is a big issue for her. Talk about what is the best way to divide the belongings. Help her pack. Make it easy. I didn't view any 'family' items passed down, like my Grandmother's silver, his mother's antique lamp as being part of the marital assets. He agreed with me. They were separate and not included in the tally sheet. We split what we accumulated through our union.
Perhaps your wife has hopes of keeping the house as part of the divorce... who knows. That will come up in mediation. Stuff is stuff. And what you can afford and want as a couple is far different as a single individual.
Good job on saying you understand her, but not going into detail. The less you say, the less likely you'll be distracted and derailed. Asking to move back in after leaving is a little unrealistic.
Enter into this with no expectations, no intentions. Protect yourself financially, settle on what is fair. The more agreeable you are to moving forward, the less reason she'll have to dig in her heels.
The greatest control comes from letting go of control. The ball is in her court.
And you're doing it again... giving her prime real estate in your mind. All your thinking has no impact on what she does, only drags you down. Let go of that rope, my friend.
You're right about the writing. I did get a bit carried away after my "Waitaminnit" moment. I have one reason for doing so to some extent, but I can't get into it here/now.
We don't have much, I anticipate no problems splitting "stuff". Much of furniture is in her apt., anyway. I'd help her pack, of course. My guess is she won't want that. She was already sick of this white elephant house and wanted to sell 1 1/2- 2 yrs. ago, so I don't know what's up with that. Could well be just wanting it both ways. Could be sentimentality.
Giving her prime real estate in my head. Boy, you got me, there, Gyps. That gave me pause. Has been an emotional couple of days again, though. But, duly noted.
Thanks with (((G))).
p.s. probably MM Sat. show. Will confirm in a couple of days. Oh boy!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
So, without her having prime real estate in your brain, what is your list of what you need to work on and how you need to grow? In addition to that gratefulness list, that is.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Gardener,So, without her having prime real estate in your brain, what is your list of what you need to work on and how you need to grow? In addition to that gratefulness list, that is.
Jeez, woman, doncha ever lob an easy one over the plate? Just kidding. Just got home. Will step up to the plate, later.
(like I don't have enough &$@#$ lists an' goals an' GALs an' To-Do's, To-Reads, 180s an' grrrmumblemumble.....)
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
What's MM? Thursday, Friday and Saturday are evening shows. Saturday will probably sell out first. Can't wait to see closing night. Then again it is kinda fun being backstage doing all the last minute things.
When things were overwhelming, I'd focus on doing one thing well. The usual one was sending blessing to spouse. It helped ease my anger and put me on the road to forgiveness (the ultimate gift you give to yourself.) *hugs*
) Friday. Should I buy online in advance?