Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis How do you wait this out?

I second the comment about visiting a L and making sure you understand what you can do here.

My gut is not telling me to file for divorce at this time, although the second something happens financially I will immediately do it. I have seen a lawyer, have all the paperwork and am ready to go. Just waiting for the signal in my gut...everyone says it will just be there one day.

My doctor prescribed Lexapro and I was on it 2 days and about went crazy. I'm a former fitness instructor and I work out all the time and eat well, so the meds didn't work too well. Anyone have anything to say about that? I'm thinking once school starts and I'm busy and focused with my teaching career I will do better. Any thoughts?

What about when they do return? Are they that different from before? My h keeps telling me, "i'm in here somewhere i just have to find myself again." Do I believe that???

So, I sent my husband an e-mail talking about some of the issues in our marriage and my feelings...probably a dumb thing to do. I have a program that shows when he reads it and he's read it a couple of times, the weird thing is, so has someone else. Now I think he forwarded it on to the ow....

Sigh...I feel so humiliated.

I really need help getting strong and finding myself again. I am only in control of myself and my life, but I'm not doing too well with that. I feel like I've lost everything and I never had a chance to try and 'fix' it because I didn't know what he was thinking and what he needed that I wasn't providing in our marriage. Please! Somebody give me some strength to go on...

Trust me, been there, done that. When the bomb was dropped on me back in January, I never thought I'd make it through, yet here I am. And it is getting better. When you are feeling like this, think of one thing you can do today to bring you joy. Then go do it. Surround yourself with positive people. Try not to think about the situation. Tell yourself you won't let him drag you down with him. You need to be strong for you and your kids. One thing that will kill you...living in FEAR. Stop! Don't think about what if's. Just get through one day at a time for now. Then...
Lather
Rinse
Repeat

Hopeful,
You got that right...I live TOTALLY in the what if's. I blame myself constantly and just want to go back in time because then I would have known what to do differently. I read an old post by Snodderly that seems to help; just knowing it's not a personal attack on me. Thanks to everyone for listening to me and posting. All I want to do is sit here all day on the computer and wait for someone to talk to me...

Me 47
H 42
M 20 years
No kids
Bomb 5/09

I'm feeling like you today. I am coming up on 11 months of this and no sign at all of any hope as of last night. W could have cared less that I was even around. Its tough not to live in the what ifs. I'm doing it this morning. We have to pull ourselves out of this and remember what else we have to be grateful for and remember who is counting on us. Our kids definitely are. There is a lot to be joyful and thankful for.

This is just a dark period. It will get better. We just have to pull through it and there are some days that it literally takes everything we have just to make it through the day such as today. But we can do it.

Keep trying,

Kevin

My friends want me to file for divorce because they think it would be easier for me to move on with my life. I can't even think about doing that right now. I am just trying to get through one day at a time; I can't imagine how I will be a year from now. It's better than it was 2 months ago, but I've never had anything this hard to deal with in my entire life and I know this is a journey I'm supposed to be on, but yikes!!

Golfgirl, you`ve been hit a hammer blow and somewhat recently(May, I think?) so you`re still reeling.

Things to do for now:Get Divorce Busting and/or the Divorce Remedy books asap. Get yourself a good therapist to talk to. Search around until you find someone who will listen and challenge you and you feel comfortable with. Don`t talk to too many people about your sitch(well, not n the real world anyway). Its great to have a trusting friend, especially one who`s BTDT.All your friends will egg your on to D and "why are you putting up with all that" but you need to be very sure that is what you want before you jump aboard the D ship.

Do not involve H`s family.

You`ve got to detach yourself.I`m no expert at this but the Last Resort Technique is in Michelles DB and Dr books and it`ll give you ways for pulling back and looking after you.

Check the MCL resources and the LRT resources on this board.

Mind yourself. Don`t plead or beg and get angry anymore with your H.