In my case, the Red flag was when my W changed the password on her computer and email accounts. I had an innocent reason to go in there one day (household admin) and found I was locked out. Then I noticed the sudden increase in texts, picked up her phone and read the back texts and .... BAM!
I think in my sitch snooping is the only way I could have proceeded. It was painful, and it caused huge fights between us, and yes, my W accused me of violating her trust by snooping as if that is worse than the EA, but without knowing the truth, without having it exposed to both of us, I don't think I would have been able to see what was going on and detach. I think snooping, spying and exposing the EA stopped it from proceeding further and faster.
I now look at it this way. A cheating spouse wants to be able to have an A, while PREVENTING the betrayed spouse from reacting. If your spouse cheats, they will lie about it in an attempt to control you. Since an A directly impacts your M and directly impacts you, it is your right to know what is going on so that you can make your own decisions and react in the way that you choose.
For me, I choose to know, even though knowing gave me so many sleepless nights.
Thinker, I just added that one to my archives. That's about as plain of a way to say what I believe ought to be COMMON SENSE as I've ever seen.
I follow what you guys are saying. Here's teh question though.
Suppose one wants to find out if there are any unusual texts or other evidence of waywardness. Lets also suppose one has never had access to wayward's email account, cell phone records (through her job), or any other potential source. Let's also asssume wayward is not exhibiting ANY signs of A - not away from home when wayward should be there, wayward is at home on the weekends and does things with family and is not in a rush to move forward with D or kicking One out of the house.
First, does one upset what progress one has made DB'ing? Second, where does one look for said evidence/smoking gun?
GIMA-very simply ask her if you can borrow her phone to make a quick call because you forgot yours. If she comnpletely panics or doesn't le you use it-there is something on there that she doesn't want you to see.
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
My W left her cell phone in the bed one morning and got up to get a shower. That is when I looked at hers.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
