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Had a very good night with my 2 daughters and wife. I washed the dishes before she got home and she said, "you dont have to wash my dishes." I said, "I know but it probably does help you."
By the time dinner was ready we had a pretty good conversation going about music, jobs, life in general. They sat down to eat and then she offered for me to have some so I did. As we were eating I told a story about a friend of mine that made her laugh just like she did in the old days. When she really laughs she cant stop herself and it brings tears to her eyes! I love that about her. We were really hitting it off! It really felt like nothing was wrong but now as I write this I remember the fact that there is a court date set for september 9,one week before our 9th anniversary Oh, and the court is making us go into mediation before the court date.


Anyway, after dinner I took D7 to do some shopping for our little trip to King's Island. While we were out I bought some refrigerator child locks. My D23 months opens the fridge ALL the time. We got back home and I put D7 in bed and then came down stairs. My wife and I ended up talking again about a song that was on the radio, Airborne Toxic Event song. We both love the song but did not know who it was by. We talked for about another 45 minutes and then I left.


Now, here is the part that suprised me. When I was driving she sent me a text. It was about that song. She had looked up the band and texted me to let me know who it was. This is the first time that she has initiated any contact that was not about our kids or about logistics. So I sent a text back and then she sent another back. Then she told me to stop texting while driving. I ended it with "sweet dreams" and she texted back with "you too" This felt like our early dating relationship to me. Maybe a baby step??


Oh, and just to vent, my car is in the shop and it will cost me $1100. and I got a bill from the state for $836 in tax. My first month rent is due in a week,$974 and I dont have any beds for my kids yet.

Take a look at my thread. Same thoughts going through my head, but a little experiment seems to point to him WANTING to help me. Maybe letting her do a little care-taking isn't such a bad things. Sure beats the alternative.

That was what she always did extremely well,caretake. She got tired of taking care of everyone. She has said since the bomb that "I am tired of taking care of everyone but myself. I dont feel like a person anymore." SShe is a bit young for a midlife crisis but she sure seems to be a mix of MLC and WAW.

Something she just wrote over the weekend in a journal that she left out, "All I have to do is hold my breath alittle longer and I know I will be happier than I ever have been." That is a real ego crusher for a guy but I dont let those kind of things get to me anymore. I read that before she came home and we still had a great time because of my positive attitude. Thank God for DBing!

((( v1olin )))

Everyone wants to put the MLC label on every bomb. This might be, this might not be. She might just be tired.

I am glad you washed the dishes. I always told my H that there wasn't anything sexier than a man that washed dishes. : )

Instead of getting tied up into labels, and reading journals that were accidentally on purpose left out for you to read, how about you make a list of what you need to change about you?

Man, my list was pretty scary the first time I wrote it out, but there are actually things I can cross off now. It takes three weeks for something to become a habit, btw.

Ok, my wife knows I have an apartment now and she wants to give me things from our house. I still do not want any of these things in my apartment because it is too painful. She wants to give me OUR bed and I dont want it unless she is sleeping in it with me. She wants to give me things that I bought that she doesnt like. She does not want to follow the 50/50 split of marital assets that our state employs. She says she has no money and yet she is planning on buying a new car,trip to Italy to visit "friend", new house in her mothers neighborhood, new hairstyle, getting a tatto. I feel like she is buying me off with the offer of things from our house.

Things have been going pretty well since I last wrote and we have been friendly but we have always been friendly. How do I approach this touchy subject with her?

Another question; there is a retrouvaille program just 10 minutes down the street from our house. I have been wondering if I should ask her to attend this with me before our divorce is final. Anyone out there have an opinion on this? Wifey, did you and your husband ever try this?

Hi Wifey, Before the bomb I had a very pessimistic attitude about a lot of things. This was one of my biggest problems. Many people would say that I complained too much. Losing my wife, my home and my family has really changed my outlook on life,as with most of the LBS on this board. I am able to take everything that life hands me with an appreciation now- I have been humbled greatly.
My other major bad habit was/is procrastination. I work on this everyday. I bought a planner and actually use it now. I take care of bills as soon as I get them now instead of "throw them on the pile." I didnt clean toilets, I didnt cut the grass often enough, I didnt give my wife a break from her busy schedule often enough, I lost my temper and punched a couple holes in doors over the last 9 years, and I had a bad potty mouth. I always thought I was a good person because I didnt drink,smoke or cheat on my wife. Turns out that the things I was doing could be just as poisonous to my marriage.

Everyday I think about what my part in this is.

I asked to attend one, but at that time he said he didn't want to. I don't know if he would consider it now. I will have to wait and see. I'm following God's lead and the last thing he told me was to embrace uncertainty because it was the definition of faith.

I asked Him how he could ever feel in love with me again unless he dealt with his ED and God said he would take care of it and to have faith.

So I continue stepping out on faith.

My trip with D7 to Kings Island went very well. On one of the rides there is a camera that takes your picture as you go by on the roller coaster. When you get off the ride you can go look at your picture and buy it if you like it. I paid for it and had it mailed to our house. My wife looked at it today for a little while and said "cute".
When it got to be 8 o'clock I texted to wife that I would bring D7 back the next day because we would be late. She called immediately after. She asked if we were having a good time and I told her about all the great fun we were having. She sounded very happy to hear about it.
I planned to buy a funnel cake before we left the park to give to my wife when we got back. She LOVES funnel cake. The next day we were all back at the house and I had forgotten that the funnel cake was in the refrigerator. She opened the fridge to get some dinner and let out a loud gasp! It is hard to type the sound of the gasp so use your imagination. This is something that my wife does when she is really suprised. I have not heard this sound from her in atleast 6 months! I said,"I am glad that the funnel cake got the proper response!" in a friendly tone. I didnt want to scare her off by being too happy about her happiness She offered me some of it too. It seems like she offers me sweets more often than offering me dinner. She knows I have a big sweet tooth.


Things seem to be going well. Wife has not brought up divorce talk. She could have mentioned the court date but has not. When I am around her now it feels more comfortable for both of us. We even had a couple brief instances of touch while handing our 2 year old back and forth. While my wife was holding our daughter I put my hand on D2's back to say goodnight and my hand was on my wifes hand. She did not squirm or seem uncomfortable. Probably reading too much into that.


Last night when my wife got home from work she looked tired. She said she had a migraine headache. I said,"let me help you" but she continued to make dinner on her own. I played with the kids. While they were eating I started to wash the dishes. She said not to but I playfully said,"watch me." When I was half way done she said,"you really dont have to do that." I said,"I know, I WANT to do it." I told her to go to bed and I would make sure the kids got to bed. She was falling asleep on the couch already. I put D7 in bed at 9 o'clock. I had not eaten since 12pm but I did not care. It felt great to take care of my wife and show unconditional love to her. I peeked in on her before I left and she was lying in bed listening to her ipod and reading a book. Today she was talkative on the phone. When I got home with the kids I decided to pull back some and left earlier than usual. I wish we could have some time together without the kids. Any tips on getting alone time without it looking like a date?

One other event that I wanted to write about...

This weekend was my weekend with my girls and we had a great time. On Sunday I decided that we would have dinner at my new apartment so we went to the grocery store across the street.This is the same store that we have been going to for the last 9 years. While shopping my 23 month old started to throw a tantrum because I would not let her out of the shopping cart. I only planned to be in the store for 15 minutes or so. She cried the whole time. When we were walking out of the store I spotted my wife coming in the door at the opposite end of the store! I was so suprised to see her there that I blurted out before thinking,"there is mommy." My D7 then wanted to go say hi. I did not want D23 months to see her because I knew it would only make miss mommy more. I told D7 she could go say hi but that she had to come back so we could go have dinner. I waited a few minutes and she was coming back with mommy.(oh the joys of divorce!) It is these kinds of things that make me so sad for my kids. Do we really have to do this for the rest of their lives? Wife asks if she needed to take D23 months home with her but I said no, "we are going to have dinner at my appartment." She was fine with it. My daughter was screaming at the top of her lungs "mommy!mommy!" I am sure that my wife could hear it as we left the store.

We got to my appartment and had a good time eating frozen pizza and carrot sticks. I still need to buy plates,cups,bowls,a bed for myself and D7 but money is getting tight. My car cost me $1500 last week and a couple days ago it started a new problem! Staying focused and under control though. Life is not over.