ya know there you are driving down the road not really thinking about anything and then some song starts playing on the radio and you are not really paying attention and then all of a sudden you really start to hear the words and reilize wow that the song writer must have felt like you when he (or she) wrote that song...
Thanks Bad Company
Walkin' down this rocky road Wondering where my life is leadin' Rollin' on to the bitter end Finding out along the way What it takes to keep love living You should know how it feels, my friend
Ooh, I want you to stay Ooh, I want you today
I'm ready for love Oh baby, I'm ready for love Ready for love Oh baby, I'm ready for love
Now I'm on my feet again Better things are bound to happen All my dues surely must be paid Many miles and many tears Times were hard but now they're changing You should know that I'm not afraid
Ooh, I want you to stay Ooh, I want you today
I'm ready for love Oh baby, I'm ready for love I'm ready for love Oh baby, I'm ready for love Oh, for your love
They call me Dr Love
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Soooo many positives. But what I am finding out is that sometimes were our own worst enemies... There have been some very nice times here at home with wife. We've been drinking margaritas watching Harry potter movies. Looking at old slides. Wife is impressed with the deck I built around the pool and patio.(she does not tell me but I have heard from others what she has told them. BUT every night wife still goes to her room and me to mine. What my problem is now is when I have been going out "GALing" I have been looking at and checking out Other ladies...I have been having second thoughts if it is all worth it. I hope we turn the corner soon. My mind is willing but my body is weak. I am trying to hold out until our son is back in school so we will have some “alone time”. It is hard to keep up the “positive Doc” around wife when I keep getting these Negative thoughts about my marriage. As it is now I have to concisely make an effort to be positive. Wife made arraignments to see the king tut exhibit here in SF next Wednesday so that should be fun and give me more opportunities to show wife the new me..
Later Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
BUT every night wife still goes to her room and me to mine. What my problem is now is when I have been going out "GALing" I have been looking at and checking out Other ladies...I have been having second thoughts if it is all worth it. I hope we turn the corner soon. My mind is willing but my body is weak.
Doc, you need to tell her this. I know you have told her things in the past, but maybe it's time to remind her. Write her a letter again, if that is your most comfortable way of communcating. She needs to know how dangerously close she is to "losing" you. Let her know that this not a demand or a threat, just honesty.
I wish my H had been honest with me and let me know there was a problem before it got so out of hand. I may not be in the middle of divorce now if he had. Show your wife my post if you would like.
Hugs, Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I second what Yoyo advises. Communicate with your W, give her the chance she didn't give you, to let the other know that you might be reaching a crisis point. No pressure, no guilt. Just open honesty and compassion. She should be adult enough to know what to do with the information, to talk more with you and explore this issue with you.
Rather than complain that your W isn't your lover, WHEN YOU AREN'T HERS EITHER, why not try being her lover?
You keep wanting her to act like your lover when you are unwilling to treat her in the same way. It is clear that she isn't going to initiate a sexual R. And, at this point, it seems pretty clear that you aren't willing to do so either.
If you are willing to view other women as sexual beings, pursue them, fantasize about them, flirt with them, and presumably before too long try to seduce them and demonstrate your passion for them, then why won't you do this for your wife?
Thanks yoyo & nocode..yep you are right.. and as for you OT.. Yep you are right also..The problem is that in the past when ever I made a "pass" or said anything remotely sexual to my wife she would get "pissed" I mean even if a friend said the same thing to her she would laugh but me...I think it was her self defense against letting things "happen" between us. But now I think she is ready. And yes you are right OT "If you are willing to view other women as sexual beings, pursue them, fantasize about them, flirt with them, and presumably before too long try to seduce them and demonstrate your passion for them, then why won't you do this for your wife? " Dr Love
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
(1) Ignore me sexually, not be my lover, be afraid of initiating, not show any passion, etc....
(2) Tell me he's thinking about getting it elsewhere because I'm not putting out.
(3) THEN start trying to seduce me
I'd certainly tell him to get the H E L L away from me. It sounds like the adult version of if-you-loved-me-enough-you-would-and-if-you-don't-i'll-dump-you-so-put-up-with-the-groping-or-whatever-i-want.
Things would be different if she were in fact turning down your non-skittish, authentic, passionate, sincere sexual advances over and over. But this is not the case. You treat her like a sibling and now want to complain that she's treating you like a brother.
No doubt, before you leave your W because you want a lover, you should tell her that first. BUT, before you attack her for not being her lover, you should at least give her a chance to be your lover by treating her like one.
It sounded to me like you were going to first follow the other advice (tell W you were moving toward sex with other women) and then follow my advice. To me, such a strategy sounds like 1-3 above...
