Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Sandi2, Coach, Puppy and Gucci help!

Wifey,

I understand. Practice the love dare principles?

She is on the war path to see D 6. How else can I say to her what day works out for you? She will usually pick a day where it works for her for a while and then jams my day up, where I have to be back to care for D 6.
Should I just wait till I here from her again.

It sounds like her schedule varies and yours might be more fixed? Even if both of yours varies, on the day you both get your schedules, talk on the phone directly, politely, and make plans for her to visit. Do this Before you set the rest of the week schedules.

Does that seem fair? Put aside your hurt, your angry, your not wanting to be walked on mask, and make the plans, then fill in the rest of the week.

Why? You do this because its the right thing to do. Granted, this sitch stinks, but you do it anyway. It is best for the kids to have both of you and whatever effort you can make to have that be the case the better for THEM. That's why.

If I had a dollar for all the WA's that stopped being so nasty when they realized they weren't going to be "fought" on everything I could go on vacation.

Not telling you to roll over and play dead. Be reasonable. Don't go out of your way to be unreasonable. Be polite. Don't let her do any walking on you by being the better person.

At this point I would let her calm down. When you do communicate, don't mention her nasty response. Suggest what I mentioned about the scheduling. Tell her you know the kids need time with her and you don't want to fill their schedule for the rest of the week until you know what fits for her.

When she gets her schedule proceed. If she doesn't follow up on the day she says she gets her schedule then fill the rest of the week. If she calls after, say, oh I'm sorry. We agreed you were going to call with your schedule and when you didn't I made other plans for the kids.

Always polite. Like she is a business associate.

Wifey

Its sound pretty simple.

Wifey.

How does this sound.

I know the kids need to spend time with you. How about sharing your schedule with me on Sundays just like you were doing a few weeks ago. That way I can set up our schedule to work in sync with yours. lmk.
btw
I would suggest when you call D 6 and leave her a message or send her a text if we do not answer. I don't have my phone on me all the time either. And if she leaves you a message, it would be appreciated if you could return her calls, also.

Its bee about 4 hours since the W sent last text. Should I let this one fly.

Did I create a monster?

I wanted to get you pumped up so you would draw some boundaries and keep your self-respect, but I don't want you to swing too far the other way..... (Not bawling you out....just saying.....)

Anyway, Wifey is giving you excellent advice and I would not change anything about what she's said. Just try to wait next time before sending the email. I get amazed at the people who ask what the board members think about what's being proposed to send.....but then they send it on anyway. Oh well........just keep trying and you'll get it balanced out. It's hard and takes time. Men really have a hard time in "wording" letters.

P.S. Oh, yes.....maybe you shouldn't use the term, "I would suggest".....that seems to be a trigger with some of us females.....

Sandi

The monster was created four months back, you just removed the shackles.

I can't understand how to do the detaching, drop the rope with the W and still deal with the kid sitch. I'am I missing something. It's an exhausting balancing act, with no net below.
How do I seperate the two or are they all one big sitch.

I did send the text to W this afternoon.
She did not technically respond to me just through my cell phone to D 6. W wrote her a little note and then asked D 6 to ask me if she can stay with her Thursdsay night after she gets off from work. My daughter gave me the words to text back.

We'll see what happens tomorrow.... it's a new day.

Thanks for looking in.

How would you deal with it if a professional nanny was sharing time taking care of your kids with you?

That's how you should deal with her. Civilly, with courtesy, but not expecting anything in return other than her duty to the children.

Puppy

Yes, when she tells you how hard it is- validate her, ask her how can you help? Then just listen for her answer and repeat it back. You might be surprised at how easy it is and the response you get.
Cheers

Your re-worded text was dripping in honey. Good, but I liked mine. Only because it showed you were trying to work with her, yet you were not going to let her be unreasonable with you at the same time.

Polite and detached is the key. You are under no obligation to make everything easy and give in to every demand. I love the:

"I know the kids need to spend time with you. How about sharing your schedule with me on Sundays just like you were doing a few weeks ago. That way I can set up our schedule to work in sync with yours. lmk."

And I think it is a foul for her to text your D6 instead of talking to you about Thursday. Lets just put a 6 year old girl in the middle because I can't be bothered to meet what are reasonable boundaries.

I would tell her so. No fair, foul, nix, nada, not going to be standard operating procedure. If you agree to this week it will happen every time and you will have the situation you said you didn't want.

And, dang it, give someone time to respond to you before you let fly for heavens sake. That's twice! I'll let you slide since you're a newbie, but I put less padding on the 2x4's if you repeat the same mistakes.

What's going on around here? KJo going to swing 2x4s!? Is this the end of the world as we know it?