Thank you Tomato, JCJ and the rest of ya'll who have read my posts. Things are becomming very clear to me now. It's been a long hard journey, but the light at tunnel's end is very clarifying.
I realize now, even after all my DB work that a walk away spouse who pays for sex will never reconcile with their significant other. He's too sick to see the pain he's caused. Truthfully, I never had a chance. He shut that door a long time ago, and I've been on the outside looking in ever since.
And he doesn't believe/or want to believe in God, and he thinks he's happy and mayber even somehow (in his sick way) in love. They are taking him for everything he's got.
I pity him in a way. I am closing the window now. There's no more looking out for him. I've turned off lights and blown out the candles. It's been a very enlightening jouney. He told me this morning that his attn is sending me a letter and giving me 10 days to sign the settlement agreement. If I don't sign, they will file. Bring it on. I've waited over a year. It's time.
Don't you sign a thing without getting legal advice. If there is anything to get, or anything to leave you stuck with, I think you can be sure he is going to try to do it. Be careful!
Poet I agree with VH. Don't sign anything until you have someone look at it. You do need legal advice. Mine isn't paying anything at all towards our bills since he left in Nov. He is paying child support buts that's only because I took him for it. He is living with only rent payment and nothing else.
If you get a chance could you please jump over to my thread. My H finally wrote to our D12 and I posted the letter there. On my thread you said that my H wants me to find his phone number but I have to disagree. I was thinking the same way you were until our D read the letter out loud. You will see why on my thread.
It is so good to see you. I am still holding my own, but finding out new stuff all the time. I just posted to Lost and have pasted the relevant stuff about me below:
I made so many excuses for my H, but when it hits you smack dab in the face, you have to begin to understand that they are not being fair to you.
Yes, they have a right to move and change, but it does not make for a happy camper for those of us on the other side -- the LBS. Never forget that we are all here for a reason.
If God does not reveal it immediately, it is because he knows we cannot handle it. He only gives us as much as we can handle. I truly believe this!
I went to see my priest today. I revealed information I have just recently received. And my priest confirmed to me that it was God's hand that made this information available to me, at this time. If I had it a year ago, I would not have been able to handle it. Trust me when I tell you these things.
With regard to how to interpret my H's words to me, or about me, people told me the following many times. And I never understood it until recently: "You are his wife and you know him better than anyone else. You are in the best position to interpret what he means." I understand this now. I am now walking the DB line with my eyes WIDE open. I am going to pray for direction. I'm convinced that God is waiting for my questions.
Now hear this: Trust yourself. Quiet your thoughts as best you can. And, listen to the still small voice in your ear, to see if you can find your own answer to your questions. Often that voice is God talking to you. Pay attention and pray!
You know, sweetie, you have to ask yourself why would you want someone like that...who will pay for women, treat you like nothing, and in the end blame it all on you.
You deserve better.
And we have all made excuses. But it is interesting when you finally wake up and say the hell with that! NO MORE EXCUSES!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I'm still here. Thanks John (now I know your real name) You may not know this, but you've been a guardian angel to me in dark times. Also, Thanks Kalni and LOLOL. I do need a push, a jump start, a cyber hug (at least) once in a while. It gets so lonely out here.
Anyway, just wanted you all to know I'm OK. I've landed back on the ground from a VERY long emotional overhaul (since last summer). It's been a real struggle for me. Finding out that my husband is a deamon, another man whom I do not know, was frightening. I must tell you my spiritual advisor, Fr. Tony, gave a dynamic speech last Sunday, and I really felt true healing. (You can read about it on the Forgiveness thread if you're interested.) It's under the title "the eerie story of the life of love." It's the last posting there.
Anyway, I just had to share this following message my 59-year-old H sent out into cyberspace to a 37-year-old on a dating Web site. (Please don't ask me how I know this). Yes, I know it's not true DBing, but at least I didn't sob about it. I'm taking care of business now. In other words, I'M DONE. There is no turning back, but I thought to put it up here in case anyone wants to read:
"If a man steals your heart is he a villain, or only if he breaks it? What super powers do you posess? Do you have any weaknesses? Please do not let my age fool you, Super Heroes never age. They just become more experienced and wiser. Write me, I do not posess the power of telepathy."
You may not know this, but you've been a guardian angel to me in dark times. Also, Thanks Kalni and LOLOL. I do need a push, a jump start, a cyber hug (at least) once in a while. It gets so lonely out here.