You're right I did have big expectations and I guess that was stupid on my part.
What do I do about his birthday?
When you say fix it NOW - is just doing my own thing, taking care of my business, and doing what I was doing before enough? Anything else I should be doing. Believe me I will not be initiating any sex or relationship conversation from this point forward!
I feel like I need to mentally prepare for what I might face when I get home next Sunday. If he says that he doesn't want to work on things would it be appropriate to say the following (in no particular order just staring to get my thoughts together).
* Still want to come to his business and get informed about what's going on. It's not OK for me not to know and I realize that.
* If he decides to go through his laundry list of how I've wronged him: I'm not willing to rehash everything again. I've taken responsibility for my part of the problems in our marriage, I've apologized, asked God for forgiveness, and am working on the positive changes I need to make in my life. I will not take responsibility for all that is wrong in your life. I thought it was pretty telling that you said your business and marriage caused your health problems. The responsibility lies with you and the choices you made at the time - especially smoking over a pack a day.
* I will no longer enable your victim or poor me mentality. There are people in this world that have had 1000 times worse things happen to them and they make the choice to live happy lives. You have chosen to play the victim and blame everyone else instead of looking at yourself.
* If you change your mind and decide you'd like to seriously work on our marriage then I'd be open to at least talking about it. I believe with God's help and a lot of work we can repair our marriage. However, it won't be repaired if only one of us is working at it.
* I'll expect both of us to treat each other respect. Our sons are NOT to be involved in any discussion about our marriage (since he's pushing our son to spend time with him - it seems like he's trying to be his friend and guilt tripping him into spending time with his Dad. My son made the comment to me "I have my own friends!") Once you've hired a lawyer and have filed for divorce, I'll expect the courtesy of being told and not finding out by being served.
I don't know I feel like I need to figure out what's important to say and what's not. I just want to feel prepared for whatever comes my way - as much as you can prepare.
What do you think?
M, I still think that was a pretty good list. Have you perhaps gotten away from this??
I guess so. It'll just be my list though - there will be no talking about it with him.
I got the message clear from him that he just wants each of us to work on what we need to work on and take it one day at a time.
So that's what I'm going to do. No more expectations (I set myself up every time!). I'm going to just keep doing the work I've been doing on myself and keep pushing forward.
I still don't know what to do about this birthday?!
I guess I mistakenly thought that we should talk about things when I got home. One of his comments last night was - when were we going to have time to talk I was working until 7 or 8 pm every night!?
I know.....like I said, I am the exact same way! It is soooo hard not to get into the dicussion but then we take it over, right? Well, I seem to, anyway.
If he asks about the "talk" again, tell him it's up to himand you're ready to listen to whatever he wants to say.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
