Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers What a weekend...

AlexEN, I just saw this. It really seems to be universal in the Walk Away/Left Behind dynamic. How do we/can we conduct a dialog when two languages ("You" and "We") are being spoken?

Nope. Because all that cr@p is just excuses and no good REASONS. You can't articulate why D should happen under those circumstances....because in my opinion, it's not necessary.

Steady,

EXACTLY...

That was what I was trying to say; the "Dunno" should have been... "I sure as $hit can't... Dunno if she can; she hasn't so far."

So, how the heck do the kids EVER make sense of it...

-AlexEN

And how does anyone, including the WAS, make sens of this? We LBS can't. Presumably, the WAS will one day recognize the mistake. What then, are they to make of it?

I feel for you and your kids, and all of us, Alex. It's just not fair. But, no one ever said it would be.

They don't Alex......and I don't think anyone does, really....even the WAS. People do the best they can and become the best they can.....what more can anyone expect? As one LBH said, "I'll be the best H I can possibly be and if that is not good enough for her, then I don't know anything left to do." He's right!

It doesn't help the children....and never will. Nothing will make sense to them why mom & dad got a D. They may know the facts, but it still won't make sense to them b/c in their minds their parents were never suppose to get D. Kind of makes you think about your wedding day, doesn't it?

GIMA,

Thanks; I'm fine these days. I'm not in the awful pain I was when all of this was all so new.

But as do you, I feel for the kids and the folk out there who are still really hurting now... Because, just as were we, many have been thrust into these head-spinning situations that, well, are just not fair...

We, as the adults, have far more information with which to try to make sense of it. In most cases, the kids have even less to go on. Is it any wonder so many blame themselves or withdraw when the world around them changes overnight? It is they for whom it is even less fair... as they not only don't have all the pieces of the puzzle, but no blame for knocking it off the table and onto the floor... and yet it is likely they who will likely pay the steepest price. Sheesh...

-AlexEN

The thought of what all this does to the children opens up that hole in the pit of my stomach. Those feelings. Damn.

Yep, that's the one that still gnaws...

Sandi, you're still a mind-reader... LOL... And the things I would have done differently after that day... Not so LOL...

Alex..

When I was going through the emotional chaos of divorce I clung to keeping the family whole with every fiber of belief, anxiety, fear I had. "It's all about the children. It's about the family. It's about us.. It's, it's it's."

At some point I realized that as important as family is, that 'it's about the children' was a smoke screen for my own fear, my own disbelief. Yes, the shredding of the family unit does put a hole in their hearts. Yet, kids are resilient, adapting better than the adults. They model after their parents. My 18 year old son volunteered that if he thought about what his dad had done, was doing it would eat him alive. Instead my son chooses to focus on what is good in his life, enjoys the present and goes forward.

I don't know.. you do the best you can, become the best person you can be, learn appropriate boundaries, become an active listener... grow.. and see where it goes.

And underneath it all is the unconditional love for your children, a whole new you emerging... more aware, thoughtful.. and just plain incredible. A different you, a new beginning.. hopefully with your spouse.. if not with the knowledge you did all you could in the best way possible. Respect, honor and dignity.

As long as I blamed spouse, I was a victim. Letting go of blaming allowed growth.

Hmmm.. seeing the time.. Am I sleeping typing?

*hugs*