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Yesterday, while trying to juggle a plumber, a chimney sweep, 2 excited young boys and a father-in-law who thinks he can fix the clogged chimney and bathtub, the phone rings. It is W's IC. she confused W with another patient. She thought W had a session and she was late. I called W who straightened it out, her session wasn't until next week.
Here's my problem: W had told me her IC sessions were all about her moving on after a D. IC had said W's mind was made up, so just get on with the D and go from there. Now W has agreed to Retrouvaille with me. So, what do I take away from this, if anything? She is still seeing the IC who is helping her move on, yet she has agreed to the Retro weekend. Am I just being paranoid?
We are still getting along OK, no R talk. I took the kids to my Dad's house for dinner last night as it was his birthday, W opted to go out. She said she will be there for the party we are having for Dad on Saturday. While I was at Dad's, she called my cell to wish my dad a happy birthday, and to tell me she wasn't really into being out, so she would be home earlier than she usually is when she goes out.
What's going on inside her head? Should I ask?
Also, our anniversary is August 5. Still haven't decided how to acknowledge it, or even to acknowledge it at all.

Hi Orch,

Not really sure how IC could have shared that info with you. Isn't it privileged?

She may still be confused/undecided and wants to keep her options open hence doing both things. I may be wrong (been there before).

She may also be using the IC to test herself and her resolve. Does this make sense to you?

I would have fired the IC long time ago. Professionals don't now everything. I'm sure this must be all very clinical to the IC - if X and Y happens then the result must be Z. I found that life just doesn't work that way. If it did we'd all still be in our R's!

Communication is always good. Just got to gauge the waters, think clearly why she said what she said and act on it. Preferably by putting yourself in your W's head when she said it. Either do it or don't. I found I would "dither" for hours over something I "think" she said. Still do that a little bit.

Chin up.

CT

Thanks, CT
IC didn't share that info, W did. I have an IC as well. One night, W asked what I was doing with IC, and I said, working on me and trying to save our M, what are you doing? She said working on moving on after the D. When I asked about that she said after 2 sessions, the IC said she sounded like her mind was made up.
In a previous post, I had written how one night we got into an argument about how we were going to split up the house and about custody. This was after 2 months of her declaring she was done trying to fix the M. I figured it was time to start deciding on how to separate at that point. We reached a heated impasse. 3 days (and 3 Rosaries) later, she texted me that she would be willing to go to Retrouvaille. This is why I want to know what she is thinking. Is she experiencing a softening of her heart? Did my not backing down scare her into re-thinking her decision to end M? Or more sinisterly, is it a way to protect herself somehow when it comes time for D?
She has not yet called to register herself, but keeps telling me she will.

Put it in perspective with other situations. My WAW has said as recently as last night that if I bring up anything to do with her or us going to any type of counseling it makes her extremely angry. Your communication about it sounds positive to me. My WAW says she asked me to work on the M and go to C for 6 years and I didn't so now it's 1) insulting and 2) too late.

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

I wouldn't necessarily take that at face value, O.

Puppy

Really, puppy?
What would be her motivation in telling me that then?

Pride. Look back at the context of your conversation where the two of you talked about what your ICs said.

Also, IC may just be helping her client do whatever it is her client is saying she WANTS to do at the moment. Before, that may have been "move on after D." Now, if your wife is wanting to try Retro and at least open to the possibility of reconciliation, a good IC will explore that with her.

Puppy

In any event, it's very common for a WAS to lie to their LBS about what their IC is telling them, that was my main point. And, many wayward spouses LIE to their ICs (altho I've never understood this), so, you know: "GARBAGE IN, GARBAGE OUT", kwim??

Puppy

OK, I get it. That does make sense. I wouldn't have thought of the pride thing, but that could definately be it.