No, he is not back but called saying that he was half way and still raining. That we had to cancel the dino hunt. I said I knew and drive carefully
I also called my SIL and talked a lot to her. She did not know he was back home (we had the most stupid confusion last time I called her) and was happy he was at least trying.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Well, first of all, thanks for warning me off of Solaris - I had thought about renting that one.
I really think you're in good shape other from the craziness that the OW still around brings. Hopefully, your H's POW will slowly change on this one - I think it would be hard for it not to, the longer he is rooted in rebuilding your R, but how long is anyone's guess.
Quote: But what self-respecting woman would remain in this kind of situation. I know: bad question, I am still here
Well, there's a big difference between saving your marriage and trying to prolong an affair. You should be proud you yourself and your strength; she should just be downright ashamed.
Okay, I've got to ask: what do you mean by dinosaur hunt?
Keep that PMA up, Opt - from what I see, things are going well except for that one irritating detail...
Okay, now, back to women's underwear.
Quote: My H seems to appreciate my new VS underwear (not much to wear, or for very long, though ) though he has not gotten to actually order some for me yet. It would be a cool idea.
You've got to understand how intimidating it is... there are many, many things we don't understand. We've got boxers and briefs - and in the world of "hosiery" we've got sport socks and dress socks. That's it, and neither of these are "sexy" - just imagine a guy in underwear and socks. Women have a whole other world of confusing terms - racerback, demi, underwire, lined, unlined, tangas, briefs, high-cut, low-cut, etc, etc, blah, blah, - we guys really have no idea at all about this. I'm still trying to figure out the difference between demi and full-coverage.
So, here's the million-dollar question: what do women like men to wear? What do women think is sexy? I really have no idea. I want to know.
Tal, that quote for the "ow" was fantastic...I had fantasies of copying it over and sending it to CJ's xOW!!! ...It really fits so well with what he's told me of her. (I mean, she SLEPT with her FIL!!! )
But no, I won't open THAT can of worms.
Second I'm with Bill on the SIGNIFICANT difference between trying to save a marriage and trying to rip one apart!!!
Also, how about a third vote on Solaris?
CJ and I went to see this one dangerously close to Bomb #2 (when I found out about OW and was nearly suicidal)...hence the movie GRIPPED me...the whole idea of the W coming back as nothing more than an amalgam of how HE thought her to be....compelling. JMO!
Quote: So, here's the million-dollar question: what do women like men to wear? What do women think is sexy? I really have no idea. I want to know.
Great question, but I am not sure you are going to the right person for an answer. I had to ask my H what kind of sexy underwear for men is available . We just graduated from briefs to boxers.
So, I googled my way into the sexy underwear for men world (just to further my education, of course ) and found myself quite unable to decide between the micromesh thong, the snake bikini and I do not remember what other skimpy outfit. And the sad part is I still think I prefer silk boxers!!
As to the dino hunt: there is a dinosaur park in Glen Rose with a life size Tyrannosaurus, an Apatosaurus and lots of very well preserved dinosaur tracks. They are in the bed of the Paluxy river.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Quote: Well, there's a big difference between saving your marriage and trying to prolong an affair. You should be proud you yourself and your strength; she should just be downright ashamed.
Very well said!
Okay, now, back to women's underwear, LOLOL!
You don't need to learn all that stuff. My H is very well versed, but I use to hate it when he'd buy me stuff!
First of all, he'd buy thing too small bit with too large a cup size which made me think: hey, WTF, am I supposed to say "gee thanks babe for the thought. It's the thought that counts and you were obviosly thinken' you wished I was skinnier with bigger boobs!"
Also, he'd get stuff that HE liked, but did not make me feel good to wear. All women over 35 have parts of thier body that they would prefer to not have hanging out over a pair of thongs!
Your best bet is to look at the catalog or take her to a VS store together. Have her pick out what makes HER feel pretty & sexy...you will definately benefit from that.
Hi everybody. This is going to be a long post, so bear with me. Lots of things happened last night.
I backslid big time again but it did not seem to mess things up too much. I get predictably antsy in the weekends despite my H trying hard to be home as much as possible and call me a lot. He even brought me some Aciphex yesterday for my upset stomach
Anyway, I had snooped (I know,I know... -is there an icon for shaking your head dejectedly?) and found the car's passenger seat again pushed back and the whole car smelled like a whorehouse to what I think is OW's perfume. To be fair to my H: this weekend I was smelling faint traces of that perfume everywhere (on him 3h AFTER a shower, when he had been with me all the time, even on my D's hair!). Anyway, it did nothing for my PMA. But I did not comment.
A couple of hours later, we were watching a movie and I asked him if he could do me a favor. He put his best face of 'oh, no, not again, there we go' but said 'OK what do you want?'. I asked him to come to the bank today and take this woman out of all the accounts and put me instead. He was a bit pissed and said that he had to talk to the CPA and that we could do it this week, but not today. I said 'fine, this week then'. But my body language may have said otherwise (I felt very sad ).
He was quite exasperated and said 'we cannot go on like this'. He got up and into the closet, to get dressed (and, I assumed, to go away). I told him 'do not run away, let's talk' so we at down, in the closet, and talked a lot
He tells me he is scared of the weekend because I get so anxious and he does not know when I am going to blow up. He is very fixed in my body language and interprets nearly every gesture as stress or upset (he is right often but not all the times).
I explained to him that he was right, that I was stressed and upset and why (OW still in the picture made me feel rejected and suspicious). He explained to me why he had her there (same explanation) so I said 'we have a communication problem: you are trying to explain something to me and I do not understand what is your meaning. To me it means you do not care enough about me to get her out of the door.' He tried to define it as MY problem as opposed to HIS problem, but I refused to asign blame. Anyway, we had a very long talk and got some things out of it.
1. I still do not understand why he keeps that W there. He even darkly hinted that I was pushing him to spend more time away from home (probably true ). He said that he is doing this for himself, and hinted that the C (which he quit going to in 7/03) had told him to do it. Unfortunately for him that excuse is way too similar to the excuse he had given me for spending an occasional weekend away from home (he was supposed to be at a stress management retreat that he had taken up when I asked him to get help with depression. Something I do not remember doing BTW). I later learned he was going to OK with OW those weekends.
2. He knows a lot of what is going on with me: my problems trying to get my family to the same page I am in, and even the BB (though he thought it was a chat room). He has a lot of issues with my family, and is mad I told them about his A. He is even mad I pulled his family into it, but what on earth did he expect when he had taken OW to his mother house when she was dying and even to the funeral? My H had told his family we were getting a D (nice, if he had told ME about it and that he had an A and was denying it to me!). He even told me not to go to his mother's funeral because he did not trust anyone else to take care of our daughter and he'd feel less worried! Anyway, when I learned the truth about his A I made him call his sister and explained everything to her on the speaker phone (so that he could hear everything). So he makes me a laughingstock in front of his family and I am the one who involved them in the mess!
3. As to the BB, he does not seem to understand why would I want to post here and said he would not do something like that. He says he does not mind if I do, but I am not sure of how sincere he is about that. In any case it is a ggod opportunity to introduce the topic and talk to him about you all. I think he was mostly mad at my not having told him about it. I explained to him that I felt it helped me defuse the tensions and not pour them on him . Will see.
4. We talked about my insecurities and I stressed I appreciated all his help and I saw the positives. I do not know if that helped or not. A couple of times he hesitated to tell me stuff and I encouraged him to with a (nice) 'I'd rather hear it now than have it come up in a couple of years' I expressed my fear of repeating the old patterns of communication: I innocently do something he dislikes, he does not tell me and goes along but resents it in silence, than it explodes 5 years later for some unrelated reason.
Somehow the conversation died away and we went back to watch TV in our bedroom. I was in bed reading one of Calysta's threads and he came up to the bed and snuggled in with me. Sweet because he sits in an armchair most of the time to watch TV.
He later went out (9 p.m.) to get air in his car's tires (apparently one was low and he feared it would be flat in the morning) and came back quite quickly. We went back to watch TV and I asked him if he would like to have our wedding bands repaired (his is too large for him and he has not worn it in years. Mine lost the stone a good 7 years ago and we did not have the money to fix it, so I stopped wearing it too. He gave me a new one for my birthday this year but it also was too large and I was in no mood to fix it -we had separated just 5 days before).
In all, I think it was a productive conversation. I'd much rather have things out in the open. Now I have to center in taking care of my mental mess and see what happens
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
It sounds like you were very calm and validating during your talk. I don't really see it as a backslide but a necessary piece of moving forward. You for darn sure got the part right about not saying anything when not happy and it blows up 5 years later!
Take care and I think you did well.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
...It really fits so well with what he's told me of her. (I mean, she SLEPT with her FIL!!! 
. We just graduated from briefs to boxers.
) and found myself quite unable to decide between the micromesh thong, the snake bikini and I do not remember what other skimpy outfit. 
).