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Good Morning Optimist,

So glad your evening went well.

It sounds like it was fun and helped break your focus from what the letter was about. Not do away with it, just lighten the focus so the thinking will be clearer and not the emotional thinking that happens at first. At least that is what happens for me!

Loved reading the fun here this morning. I think we have to laugh or we would just sit down and cry and never stop!!

Hope you have a great day!

You guys are now nuts on this thread. I did learn when I was in Germany this summer that when you use your fingers to count (as I speak no German) that the thumb is one. If you put out two fingers (like a peace sign) you will get three pastries.

And that is the extent of my German knowledge. I find, do you speak English? works much better!

jackie

I'm afraid I have to go with Jackie here and say "Do you speak English"

Took some Spanish but it didn't stay with me too much.

Ok, Jackie and Pam: here are the appropriate phrases in case you get lost abroad:
in Bonn,
Sprechen Sie Englisch?

in Paris,
Parle vous anglais?

in Madrid,
¿habla inglés?

in Rome,
¿parla inglese?

Sorry, I am just distracting my crazy mind, that has been screaming all morning. i do not know exactly why, but all my instincts are screaming today: 'There is something wrong' and I do not know what it is. My H has been a bit more quiet yesterday and today, and was quite impatient when I called him yesterday to ask if he'd go to the supermarket with me. And he only had two shirts to wash this week. And he has not brought the clothes from his office yet.

TELL ME TO STOP! I want to find that switch!

I keep repeating to myself the mantra: he is with me, he wants to be with me. And a little voice in my head repeats: he is comfortable with you, he wants to have his cake and eat it. Did it for 5 years... I hate that little voice!

Of course I just left a long post in Sage's thread, which helped. But still...

I should go and eat something.

Opt,

Quote:

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My H has been a bit more quiet yesterday and today, and was quite impatient when I called him yesterday

---

They do go thru cycles like this ... try to ride it out for a week and see what happens. You have spent the last couple of days worring about your H's action. Remember you have no control over what he does, so ask yourself, "What can I do today to make it a better day than yesterday?" The answer may be to go do something you enjoy for a few hours to distract yourself from thinking about your H's behavior.

'til later,
KAW

Hi Optimist,

Does it help if I say STOP!

I hope you had a really nice lunch and broke your train of thought.

I would really wait a while now before trying to figure if something is wrong, just basing this on me. I haven't followed you long enough to know about you. But as upset as you were yesterday and having no answers yet, it is too easy for the smallest thing to trigger anxieties now.

Things tend to look a lot different I have discovered when you are calm rather than in the middle of an emotional upset!

I hope you are doing better this afternoon.

Thank you for the help if Jackie or I get lost!

Hey Optimist (uh... hola... two years of HS Spanish) -

I posted this somewhere else, and I think it's true - when I start getting crazy thinging something's wrong, something's coming, what's coming is ususally something I do - the pressure builds until I burst.

Relax - breathe in, breathe out, take a bath, take a walk, get some exercise. Focus on you, not him. Things are going well - you've getting overeager, you want control.

If it helps, take a bath, think about your feelings, and try to uncover the thoughts that led to them.

Anyway, my two cents.

Another thought; for those of us that were limited to HS foreign language - kind of disappointed in that experience. Was taught phrases like "How old is your sister?" which I'm sure would get me killed in Mexico.

- Bill

Hi Opt,

It's natural, but not necessarily accurate, to have worries pop up when our S's seem impatient or to be pulling away.

There could be SOOO many other reasons besides disatisfaction with you, or wanting his cake and eating it too....work woes, fatigue, you name it.

When your mind starts travelling "those" pathways, visualize a STOP sign, and consciously change the flow of your thoughts. Challenge each "guess or hunch", and replace it with something more neutral.

This is all about controlling what you CAN control, and that seldom reaches beyond the confines of your own mind and person!!!

Hope you had a great lunch. I'm a real lunch person. I just enjoyed 45 minutes of chicken soup and a turkey sandwhich with my current novel. I even take the phone off the hook so I'm not disturbed in any way whilst I eat.

I think I owe my poor body and mind that much peace!

Shiny

Hi everybody,

Thanks for the input. I took 1/2h off to lunch with 2 (male, young and good-loking ) colleagues but I have to acknowledge that I was coming back in the elevator mentally counting my H's shirts and where could they be (his clothes used to misteriously disappear: he said he took them to the Salvation Army, and I learned later he was taking them to OW to wash -even clean underwear- because he had told her we were separated and in the process of divorcing. She still has quite a few in her house that my H has theoretically asked her for). He has lived a double life for nearly 5 years! He is a pro at lying. BTW, just imagine the poor stupid woman doing his laundry on clean clothes (and ironing them! ) for years!

But you all are right, it is a control issue. I do not deal well with what I cannot control. And it is not getting me anywhere to dwell on this. Easier said than done, again

But we are going to take our daughter ice skating this afternoon if I can finish work before 5! And he asked me a week in advance to take him to the airport tomorrow!

Optimist: I actually trust my intuition a little less now. If you've read through my threads, you know I have a very strongly developed intuition.

However, now I find that I have to be very careful about my sense of intuition on the subject of H & infidelity. My intuition is now colored by flashbacks and moments of paranoid panic that are the natural result of trauma. Since you associate your H's cloths dissapearing with a certain traumatic experience, you could very well be triggering panic that means nothing!

Can I ask you something? What happens if you tell your H straight up what you are feeling and what you are afraid of? Would he resent your fear or welcome the opportunity to reassure you?