Right now I am very proud of myself. I may have backslided but I feel good about it. Being an action-oriented person I just could not stay at work, do nothing and torture myself, so I decided to take things into my own hands. This is what I did:
By 12:30 he had not called and I had nothing to do, so I left and went by his workplace. I went in, told 'Hi' very nicely to the OW and asked if he was finished because we were going to lunch. She was not happy and said 'no'. I kept my cool and said 'I'll just use the restroom for a moment' and sent her for a bottle of water ( ). Then I used the restroom (my innards were in a knot) and saw that some of my H's clothes were in a closet there still (he lived in the office for 4 months when he left the OW and before he came back home).
Anyway, I went into my H's office, kissed him soundly (pink lipstick on ) and asked him to come to lunch with me. He was busy but told me he'd meet me in 30 minutes. He seemed rather tense (who can blame him, poor thing) but was friendly and even laughed a bit. I sat for a few minutes with him, while he did paperwork and he told me rather impatiently that he wanted to get out of there. OW at this point comes into her own office (next door) and can hear our friendly tone of voice and the laughter (and at least 1 kiss, in case she does not notice the lipstick ).
I offered to take the clothes home and he said "I'll take them, she is bringing my stuff little by little." While I sat there I idly took a book whose latest edition I had not yet seen and got totally petrified by finding inside a deposit slip from their bank account written by H dated 2/03. He noticed the change in me because he asked "what's the matter?". I just handed him the slip. He tossed in the wastebasket and said, quite concerned: "that is old" (the actual expression could also translate as "that's in the past").
Then I got up and kissed him again, told him I'd see him at the restaurant and left. On my way out I peeked into OW's office and made some more friendly chit chat (she was tense, I was friendly, natural and relaxed: and it was not acting!). As I was leaving I let a "Hon, don't forget to bring the rest of your clothes when you come home" trail IN ENGLISH, so that she'll understand!. Just in case...
I felt I had staked my territory rather neatly and it did wonders for my PMA. Talk about cats getting to the cream...
We ended up not going to lunch because when I got to the restaurant my office called to say that they needed me urgently. I called my H and told him and we cancelled the date. A few minutes later, he called me to see if we could meet when I finish and go to the bookstore with our daughter. He sounded well and more relaxed and said he'd try to get home early...
What do you think? Progress or backslide?
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
I think it sounds AWESOME! It certainly cheered me up to hear of someone pulling off something with such chutzpah. Love the pink lipstick idea. I laughed. Anyway, it doesn't seem like backsliding if he called you afterwards, too.
Here you are! I was wondering where your thread was, thanks for leaving me the link! I really enjoyed reading your post - I think that is awesome. Sounds to me like things are going really well. Definitely feels like progress to me.
That is kind of awkward with the OW there - sounds like you're handling it admirably, but it's got to be making him feel uncomfortable, and a likely source for some of the phone weirdness over the last few day. Car seat - heck, I'm always moving that passanger seat around in my car to make room for stuff.
As for asking him to get her out completely - I have no experience in this kind of sitch, but Michele says, ask for what you want. If you to are comfortable with where you are, it's probably the thing to do. Not a demand, not anything to push as pressure, you are just asking for what you want. And act as if the conversation is going to be a good one and work out just fine.
Quote: That is kind of awkward with the OW there - sounds like you're handling it admirably, but it's got to be making him feel uncomfortable, and a likely source for some of the phone weirdness over the last few day. Car seat - heck, I'm always moving that passanger seat around in my car to make room for stuff.
Thanks, Bill. See, I told you a man's pow was sorely needed. We girls never move the stupid passenger seat thing: we just pile stuff on it. That is exactly what my H says if I comment on the change of position: he moved it to make room for our daughters car seat! I thought it was just a stupid excuse (sheepish )
Today, in the office, he did act uncomfortable but I chose to attribute it to not knowing what kind of a scene we could have made... I HAS to be uncomfortable to be faced with your W and your X-OW in front of your customers! I do think I handled this particular situation well, if I say so myself but I could not have done it w/o my BB friends listening and encouraging me.
Quote: As for asking him to get her out completely - I have no experience in this kind of sitch, but Michele says, ask for what you want. If you to are comfortable with where you are, it's probably the thing to do. Not a demand, not anything to push as pressure, you are just asking for what you want. And act as if the conversation is going to be a good one and work out just fine.
I plan to. I just need to find the right time and the right way to ask...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Loved hearing about your office visit...I think you struck JUST the right note there!
Sounds to me like your H IS feeling the pressure of W and OW converging on the office...his pissy mood earlier was likely NOT due to anything you'd said/done.
Now here's something I thought of re the OW: Is your H her direct boss? Might there be potential ramifications (harassment charges????) if he were to try and dismiss her?
I just wondered if he was feeling that kind of pressure/worry too.
More positive feedback: H just dropped by my office to pick up our D's car seat and tell me he'll get her and call me from the boostore so that I can go with them when I finish work. My PMA is in great shape, now! What a contrast with this morning...
Talk about rollercoasters... After these few months, I am not riding one of those things in my life!
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Yes, my H is her direct boss and to me he had hinted at dire legal consequences if he fired her. But I checked with my lawyer and we do not think so. OW has been sending me letters for quite some time (anonymously at first) and in the november one that started all this, OW very clearly states that they fell in love and that she did not try to take him from me. It smacks of harassment of me, not her!
Also, the affair started when she was not working for him, so you could argue that she went to work for him knowing full well what she was getting into. And she has been introducing him to family and friends. You do not bring your college-age daughters to work for a man that is forcing you to sleep with him against your will... or does someone?
It could be a nuisance, but not a major glitch. But you know men, H might have swallowed the threat (shrug).
P.S. I hope Tal sees my post today: it is not Tourette's, but it is cool
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Dear twin, I'm so proud of you!!!! Your did it!!! and so skilfully it makes me blush :) That was well done and it had class. Not only our situation has similarities but we tend to act the same way as well... really twins
Men fall for anything now don't they... wait, I apologize to the men in this board.. let me change this to some men fall for anything. Mine was worried too, whenever he tried to end it not only she would use the crying routine but also threaten to create problems at work. ANd he was so silly that he didn't remember that if she did that she would be creating problems for her as well! Oh well, never mind, we can give them a "get smarter with other women 101" later when all this mess is cleared up LOL
ANyway, I'm really happy to read your posts and hope that you continue to smile through the week. Hugs nightshade also know as smilecan - see smiling is important and we can:)
"Each and every one of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought and the gift of understanding. "
). Then I used the restroom (my innards were in a knot) and saw that some of my H's clothes were in a closet there still (he lived in the office for 4 months when he left the OW and before he came back home).
) and asked him to come to lunch with me. He was busy but told me he'd meet me in 30 minutes. He seemed rather tense (who can blame him, poor thing) but was friendly and even laughed a bit. I sat for a few minutes with him, while he did paperwork and he told me rather impatiently that he wanted to get out of there. OW at this point comes into her own office (next door) and can hear our friendly tone of voice and the laughter (and at least 1 kiss, in case she does not notice the lipstick 
:)