Guys... i have not replied to anyone, or given an update, because D18 has spun out of control. will be back in touch soon. thank you for all of your input.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
OK, last Wed night D18 and I had an "argument" re: her being still grounded for not having a job (She has one job, but very few hours... grounded after months and months of warning re: her needing a solid job for summer, her lack of effort, etc...). She is planning on getting an apartment within the next few weeks (and, has been, in fact approved since she moved out - last time I checked you need a solid job?!?!) and suddenly knows everything. The argument re: grounded, job, etc... turned ugly quickly because I made her friends leave at 1130pm, as I had to be up early in the am. Well, she got pretty nasty, saying that once she moved out she would be so happy not to see me anymore, listen to me, and would not be contacting me. She needs nothing from me. (Nice, huh?) So, I told her that since she didn't need me for anything, then she'll be getting her tuition bill, as well. She said she'll not have to pay for that, because Dad will pay it. I told her that he would not, once he found out about her attitude with me. She kept screaming she couldn't wait to move out. I told her to go ahead, and go early, but we wouldn't support it. If she lived under our rules (really only a matter of two more weeks), we would still pay her tuition, help w/the deposit on the apartment, medical insurance, and give her some furniture she needs.
So, she leaves with a nice, "F*ck you" while slamming the front door. And, I let her. She has the clothes on her back, and her car, and that's it. I have her house keys, her phone, her computer, her everything else in her room still.
I call H, and tell him what happened (he left an hour prior to go back out of town for work). He tells me I did the right thing, and said that she had probably gone to a nearby friends, and not to worry. Let her worry about what she's doing.
Thursday am I pull together all of her new "bills" and make a decision (based on H's input the night before). I call D18's boyfriend and have him have her contact me. I tell her that I have pulled together all of her paperwork, and, that she has until the end of the day to cool off, come home, and consider whether she can live under our rules for a few more weeks, and have our support, OR if she wants to continue independently. If she chooses to live independently, then I will have her bills ready, and H will arrange to transfer title to her car to her (she paid for it).
She said she'd think about it, and would probably be home that night.
About 6pm I get a call from H, asking me to pull out one of my cc's from my wallet. I don't have it. He said he didn't think I did, as someone stole it, and used it at a tattoo parlor that afternoon, and got some gas. He said he was really hoping it wasn't D18, and hopes it was one of her friends... So, he calls tattoo place, and they can't help over the phone. He comes back from out of town, and goes in... They look at cc charge signature, and it's signed w/my name. They look at the release for services (tongue piercing, are you kidding me?), and it's D18. GOD! So, the tatoo parlor owner (really good guy, dad w/teens, and totally above board-ODD) says he can get her back in there, by faking some need for additional paperwork signatures. He does so (calls her friends phone - number on release), and D18 shows up 15 min later, laughing, and carrying on w/one of her friends. H is in tattoo parlors office, behind one-way mirrors in the back. D18 is signing some fake paperwork, laughing, etc... and out walks H! Can you imagine the look on her face? This is her favorite person in the world. He asks her why she's here, how she paid for it, and she tells him I gave her the cc to use (TOTAL LIE). So, the tattoo parlor owner explains legally what will happen if we press charges re: the fraudulent use of a cc, etc... H (very calmly) tells her to give him the cc. She does, and he calmly tells her that I was being incredibly generous in extending an olive branch this afternoon, and she is obviously choosing to live life her own way. Don't call us... We will call you this weekend, and let you know when you can come to deal with all of your bills/paperwork, stuff we will allow you to take, etc...
I've spoken w/the BFF and the mom of BFF (of D18), and she is still staying w/them. (The mom and I are friendly.) They are working on her, and support our efforts, but want her there so she won't get into more trouble, if it's only a matter of another week now that she'll move into apartment. I've spoken w/the boyfriend (who is darling and headed to pharmacy school), and he is incredibly helpful, and keeping me in the loop on his interactions w/her.
She has not attempted to drain her bank account that has a lot of money in it from graduation (although I don't think she can w/out my signature).
So, tonight H told me to tell BFF to tell D18 to be here at 11am tomorrow to go over everything. I wrote a very heartfelt letter to read to her as well. We're basically telling her that...
We want her to help me pack up her stuff, as H had originally said I would do it and have it waiting (would take too long, and this will re-engage her). We want her to work on maintaining a relationship w/our family (our S's are a bit upset by all of this). She can have her phone back, after we get on the phone w/carrier and do a change of account ownership. She can have her computer back, after I have a receipt that her tuition bill is paid (junior college, not THAT much...). Her medical insurance is now her responsibility once she moves out, and here's a quote on new coverage. Her auto insurance is now her responsibility once she moves out, and here's a quote on new coverage.
And, if she can do all of this, get decent grades at the junior college, and can preserve a decent relationship with us, we'll be glad to offer more assistance in the future.
So, wish me luck in the am.
Between the constant stress of the relationship w/H, and now this, the anxiety level is pretty high. I pray this works out ok.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
OK, we asked a few questions. We all talked about how we got to this point. I read the letter to her. She agreed to all. Her apartment got approved. She may be moving in tomorrow. We are all working to get the logistics of her car, finances, etc... handled this afternoon. H is lightens up things, as he's a bit of a joker, and the boys being around make it better, too. I think she understands that is the only way for her to learn, and earn the right to have us assist her in the future.
Off to reapply the eye makeup!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Ah, I remember those conflicts with my mom I paid for my own tattoo though...
Trust me, in a few years, she'll "get it". I remember having a light bulb moment when I was in my early 20's!
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
SMW - this is funny/not so funny/ok it really is funny...
I told the boyfriend I might have to spank her. He txt'd me back... No disrespect, Mrs. MB., but she might like it! LOL
Cute, kid, real cute.
LMAO!!!
Looks like an interesting weekend all the way around. (hint, hint)
Glad that things are calmer with you and D18. It is so hard to have the added level of stress when the kids are being difficult on top of the problems with our Hs.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I paid for my own tattoo though...