Great work on the combined sorting out your D problem, and letting him lead too. I was very intersted that he is starting to spend more time at home, a positive sign?! I noticed my H changed in other positive ways around the same time, perhaps you could check these areas:
- more information without me requesting it on what he has been doing away from home - more phone conversations in my presence - more general respect towards me, pleases and thank yous - started to notice and articulate the odd positive thing about me "oh you are skinny now" -more interest and starting to enjoy kids again.
All very small doses of course.
I think that your H asked you for feedback on his handling of your D as he is not used to you letting him lead in peace! Thats ok, he just doesn't know you are doing a 180 on this issue. I tryed to say to my H, we have very different ways of doing things, you got the desired results your way too, good on you etc.
What an interesting addition to my thread! Great minds don't ALL think alike!!!
So....
- more information without me requesting it on what he has been doing away from home
H definitely checks in more often when out... He's never really out of touch if he's not traveling for work, so that wouldn't apply, but he is initiating more contact when traveling...
- more phone conversations in my presence
He does answer the phone more, and I've noticed it's not at "silent" as it was. It wasn't that odd that it was silent though, because he owns a trucking company, and he has a lot of drivers always sending a txt status, coordinating trips, etc...
NOW if he leaves the phone unattended while in my presence, we're onto something! I will say, though, w/his business, it's always been attached to the hip. Nothing new there...
- more general respect towards me, pleases and thank yous
Respect. I'm going to ponder this one...
- started to notice and articulate the odd positive thing about me "oh you are skinny now"
I wish I was skinnier now!!! OK, I'll start to listen for something like that.
-more interest and starting to enjoy kids again.
He's always enjoyed the kids, and is one w/them. Even naughty D18! LOL
Thanks for giving me something to think about!
Last edited by mindblank; 07/15/0908:43 PM.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
H just called. Has issues w/getting home due to some driver screwing up one of his trucks. Asked what was going on tomorrow,. as he could maybe come then, and switch around his workload. If he leaves as is, and gets home tonight he'll have hardly any time with us. Tomorrow he could be home all day and most of the night.
I encouraged whatever works for him, as our plans are set for the evening, and easily includes him, and tomorrow is flexible.
Get to the SPIN class... Get to the SPIN class...!!!!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I`m glad your DS18 is settling. And, your BDing is going well.
Like the way you let H decide on what to do today/tomorrow re his work sitch. I have this with my H-what d`ya think I should do, then blame me for deciding for him so yeah, let them take the lead.
BTW:how`s the spinning going? think I`d find it too tough for me, will stick to walking, bike and er, housework!
Spin Class is going on right now. While I sit on my as+ here! GOD! I forgot to set my alarm! I'm going to raise the boys and make them go on a bike ride w/me in a bit... AFTER I find a donut! LOL JK
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Now, a funny... D18 is moving out as we "type." One of her male BFF's is here... I told him to be careful moving her bed down the staircase... "You know it's 100 year-old wood, right?!?!" He says, "Mrs. MB, no offense, but I only know about 18 year-old wood!" ROFL Gosh, I'll miss these guys, DAILY! (Maybe!)
Last night H got to come home, and took the boys out wakeboarding and wakesurfing. Great fun! Cooked out on the boathouse, and was well. Sometimes it feels so normal!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Something about other peoples sitches that make it oh so much easier to waffle on in!!
You are doing better than me in other areas, though. Your H seems further away from walking out the door, and you seem further along the friendship path with him being able to relax around you.
You seem to have the GALing very very under control! Giving your H space right now seems to be working well to consolidate the positive changes you have achieved through DBing in the last 6 months.
So, some time along the track, you will be due for another R talk. Have you got your position ready for when that happens? Do you know how you are going to play it? I am thinking about that for my sitch now.
You`re so ahead of the game Storm Rider. I would never have tought of anticipating R talk if it weren`t for you. No harm to have something figured Mindblank. And to be ready to really listen and validate.
Sometimes I wonder that if we look like we`re enjoying the limboland living too much that our H`s might begin to think we`re happy with a half marriage and begin to pull further away. Like if we`re GALing, looking great, always light hearted and smiling aren`t we being a bit unreal and dishonest too?I`ve felt like shredding my H`s shirts, throwing arsenic in his food, feeding him in small pieces to a shoal of pirahna fish all the space of one day this week!And when he`s not around I just crash out as I haven`t the energy for anything after all my DB efforts and putting up with his anger.
Maybe with your D moving out Mindblank your H can see time passing and realise he`s got to make the most of being with you and the kids.Whatever it is there seems to be a shift in things.Glad you`re doing so well and enjoying yourself!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
