I'm not saying you should expect it. But the Retrouvaille weekend that we attended had 2 single beds in each room. And I heard a lot of complaints about it. At least at my weekend, there was a lot of sex at Retrouvaille. (N.B. It was not on the schedule.)
Actually, I was not refering to "your" post, Orich, as much as to the response to what you said. It was as if it was understood by the guys that it was moving straight for sex.
Gardener. I chose those words of "LBH's just don't get it" on purpose. Do you know why? B/c I knew that somebody would react to it. You see, I have been here for two years reading all the "cruel" choice of words about WAW's and nobody is complaining about that!! I have read some very cruel words! It hurts, doesn't it? Yes, I will agree about a lot of things where WAW's are concerned, but it still hurts when that is nearly all I read from resentful, angry men who join each other in their LBH club and show each other pity. And those five little words really jumped out, didn't it? Hummmmmm
Well, I know I feel better after venting!! I guess LBH's know about venting!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, you are a very strong woman to come on here and say the things you do. I. Truely appreciate your insight and hope you continue to put things out there like you do. It really is an eye opener for me. I am one of the LBH you refer to and see exactly what you ae saying
I don't know what to expect ont the Retro weekend, I hope it helps us reconnect. For now, I am elated that after months of her not wanting to work on the M, all of a sudden she is willing to try the weekend. This is enough for me now. Hopefully it will start us on a path of true healing and eventually back into a healthy M including sex. One baby step at a time.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
There ya go! That is the attitude you have to keep. I'm sure it is the hardest thing in the world to think with your brain and do what the "book" says--when your body is wanting to have its own way. You are thinking right about how to appoach this and remembering it takes little baby steps. When you have taken a lot of baby steps is when you may get discouraged and ready to see things speed up. At least, that is what I have seen in most LBH's threads. The patient that is required is more than you ever thought you'd have, but love can produce that patient......you can do it.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Gardener. I chose those words of "LBH's just don't get it" on purpose. Do you know why? B/c I knew that somebody would react to it. You see, I have been here for two years reading all the "cruel" choice of words about WAW's and nobody is complaining about that!! I have read some very cruel words! It hurts, doesn't it? Yes, I will agree about a lot of things where WAW's are concerned, but it still hurts when that is nearly all I read from resentful, angry men who join each other in their LBH club and show each other pity. And those five little words really jumped out, didn't it? Hummmmmm
Sandi, I figured you were being deliberate, there. I wasn't positive, but pretty sure and I was just attempting to keep things "light". I am in agreement with you on the cruel words and sometimes dismissive labels. I've mentioned as much on my own thread a while back, saying that I will no longer refer to my wife as a WAW or other abbreviation even as keystroke-saving shorthand. No problem with anyone else using LBH, WAW, etc., I just began feeling personally uncomfortable using it. I'm with you on this.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
This weekend was actually kind of nice. We started on Friday evening with me "inviting" W to come with me and the boys to Burger King at the park and ice cream. She accepted, and we had a nice evening. Later, she was going out to meet her brother and some others and said it was too bad it was late, we could have got a sitter, and I could have gone with her. Saturday we spent the day together as a family, grilling dinner, etc. Another nice day capped off with W asking if the DVR had anything taped we could watch together. Sunday, after Mass we all 4 washed the two cars, and then went to a bar-b-que at S5's scoutmaster's home to discuss the coming year. At one point scoutmaster requested volunteers, to which W said to me that we could both volunteer, she for the treasurer's spot, me as a den leader. She did go out Sunday night, I watched a movie and went to bed. Something felt different this weekend. She seemed to be making an effort, or at least letting old habits come through. Playful poking at my ribs to remind me of something, leaning in to whisper in my ear about the crazy lady at the bar-b-que, even talking about the party or dinner we should have for my upcoming 40th birthday. I saw a bit of the woman I married. OK, now for a request for advice. Our 10 year anniversary is in 3 weeks. Any ideas on how to approach this? Should I acknowledge it at all? Make reservations at our traditional anniversary dinner restaurant? Cards, flowers, phone calls? Thanks!
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I would acknowledge the anniversary. I would not go over the top with romantic stuff at this moment. Might wait and see how things are by then. If you always eat at the same place each year, and you need to make reservations.....you could do that and always cancel if you need to. Play it by ear right now. Lots can happen in three weeks.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I always sent flowers to her job, is that over the top? I don't want to mess up anything that might be going on for her right now, so I am thinking and rethinking each move I make. Thanks for your suggestions.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
