I am just moving forward with my life for me and the kids. If she can come to terms with her life, and to join us again, then I will see how I feel with what she has done. I am beginning to proceed with LRT. I believe that if she were to repent, I am sure that I would be able to accept what has happened, far from happy, but I believe God willl punish her enough for what has gone on. I believe she is already being punished within herself with guilt and hurt. She will recieve plenty of punishment from God, more than I could ever give.
I'm not huge into the religion thing, but I did go to a private religious school.....I don't think you need to worry about what He plans to do.....that as I recall is completely out of your hands.
So, with that, the LRT, that's pretty good. Are you sure this isn't a MLC?
I definitely believe that this somewhat tied to a MLC. I'm not a real religious person myself. Never have been. But this has definitely made me look to other places for answers and has turned me more that direction than anything else in my life ever has. And an added bonus is the kids like the church so it will help me there too!
I believe that if she were to repent, I am sure that I would be able to accept what has happened, far from happy, but I believe God willl punish her enough for what has gone on. I believe she is already being punished within herself with guilt and hurt. She will recieve plenty of punishment from God, more than I could ever give.
Whoa........
I am thinking you are not in the right mental attitude of forgiving right now. Don't misunderstand me.....I know what you are saying. I agree with what you are saying! However, you are angry and you are wanting to see her punished! You can't do it so you are waiting on God. Don't worry, she'll get what's coming, but I'm not so sure you'll ever see her "repent"......heck, you may not even get an apology. That seems to be something I hear all the LBH's b*tch about. Yeah, I said that. Well, it's the truth. Your male ego is hurt and you want an apology. If she got down and cried and begged for forgiveness, it would even be better.....right? I just think it's odd that the LBW's do not harp on the "apology" thing like the H's do......(JMO).
You would not believe it but it was a long time before I told my H that I was sorry for hurting him. That was all I said. I did not tell him I was sorry for having an EA or anything else. That was it! Now, could you have been able to forgive on that alone? My H could. He never asked me any questions about any of it. Of course, he had read my conversations with OM, but he didn't know "everything".
You may sit yourself up as her judge (and not realize that is what you are doing). I do think you have a right to be very angry.....indeed I do! I am only telling you to be careful or the anger will turn to hate and then it will eat away at the character of who you are as a man. Don't do that to your kids. Think of what the very worst thing she could do and she never ask for your forgiveness. Could you forgive her then? Did you know that we are not to wait until a person "asks" for our forgiveness......before we make the decision and forgive, anyway? Don't wait to see her repent. Make the decision if you can or can't forgive her.....regardless. If you can't....then you need to get a D.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I wanted to add something else. In talking about thinking of what's the worst possible thing she could do and whether or not you could forgive her......(of course, I'm talking about in the MR)......there is a very important point I want to get across. All of the DB techniques are not to be done out of anger. You do not operate out of anger,vindictiveness or hatefulness. You operate out of what is the "right thing to do". Okay? Okay.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I agree that I am not in the right frame of mind for forgiveness at this point. However, I am not in an angry state of mind right now. I may premature in my feelings right now, but I am beginning to come to a state of peace with myself. Maybe it is a little of the detachment finally setting in, because while I have points of regression, for the most part I have come to terms with the fact that W is going to do what she wants with no thoughts of consequences of her family right now. I am not looking for her to be punished, however I do believe she is in for a mental ass kicking at some point in her future, whether that be from God or herself. If and when she wakes from her fog to find that her family is moving forward with their lives and leaving her behind, I can only pray that she can see that it was caused by her bad choices and look for forgiveness. Even if she doesn't ask for it or appologize for the hurt she has caused. I believe she will feel the hurt she has caused and I guess that is sort of what I mean by repenting. I don't know if this clarified anything for you Sandi, but I guess it makes sense in my head.
Yes, it did....thanks. You are so right about her own mental a$$ kicking. I think that that "was" part of my punishment.....the "self-induced" is terrible. I'll have to say that the Lord was very, very murciful to me! That's not to say that my sins did not find me out or that it didn't do damage to more than just myself. That's why I said that she'll get her punishment.
For your sake....."yours".....you work hard at not holding on to bitterness, okay? The detaching will help (I think) b/c it will get you moving in the right direction. People who harbor hard feelings don't move forward in their life and the bitterness eats like a cancer. It is absolutely horrible what it can do to a person.
Just wanted you to be okay.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Shocked, I understand what you are saying. During FWH's EA/PA, I found comfort and peace in knowing that nothing I could do would be worse than what FWH would face during judgement. (vengeance is mine saith the Lord). I was then able to give my FWH and MOW over to God and found myself praying for them and forgiving them. I knew that the person God was molding me into would be a better person with or without FWH. Fortunately for FWH, it was with him . But God also molded him into a better husband (once he pulled his head out of his a-- and repented) and our marriage is better than it ever was. God is good and faithful. He not only restored our marriage, but made it into the kind of marriage He designed us for.
I know that there are many couples out there like you Survivor who truly are an inspiration for those of us in my sitch. I truly hope that in the end we can have a marriage like you two have. But as I have stated, I am to the point that I know I can move on and be a better person with or with out my WAW. I have not given up all hope that we can rebuild, but I am fully aware that it is out my hands in doing anything to build it at this point.
Sandi, I am doing pretty well at not holding any bitterness in. There are moments when I do want to punch a wall, or tear my hair out, out of frustration. Mainly because I feel that I did not really do anything wrong (I am aware of the things that I did do) , but I am still blamed by WAW for causing things that I did not cause. I know that it is part of the WAS script much of the time, but it its still frustrating and can cause momentary bitterness and anger. I am getting much better at turning those things back onto W, with the validating, and agreement phrases. Overall, I feel I have made alot of progress, in really what has been quite a short period of time.
. But God also molded him into a better husband (once he pulled his head out of his a-- and repented) and our marriage is better than it ever was. God is good and faithful. He not only restored our marriage, but made it into the kind of marriage He designed us for.