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Yes, definitely go out Orich. Since our relationship tsunami I`ve regularly got all dressed up just to go to the movies on my own! And dropped by the 24 hr supermarket afterwards to read magazines-just to make H think I`m having a great long night out.Oh and I`ve had nights out with gfs too.

Anyway, its good to get your head out of the home and kids too.

You said in an earliet post that W`s sister was only told recently about your sitch. I figure that girl knows a lot more-and for a lot longer.Women talk!Especially sisters!

But don`t involve her-or at least keep it minimal. Keep your lovingly detached face for her too. Don`t expect support from W`s family-they`re job is to support their sibling first and they`ll close ranks soon enough if D is on the cards.

Its good that your having that family trip though and good that your SIL will babysit.

I swear this time last year my sitch was woeful-and got a lot worse!

I`m so much happier in myself now because or LRT techniques, GAL and my therapist. And, like you, I`m seeing a teeny spark of hope. I had thought my H should have been doing the work since he_in my mind-caused all the problems but me changing me has brought me happiness, even though our M is far from sorted.

Keep up your terrific chances. And keep on hoping. A lot of Melanie Beattie`s stuff re co-depency is worth looking into. I`ve found it particularly useful to shine the light on my part in the relationship downfall.

This is VERY true!! Blood is thicker than spaghetti sauce, kapische??

I don't expect any support from her family. I know they will rally behind her. I used to have a pipe dream that they would say she was giving up too easy, she has a good thing, etc.
I do believe, however, that I will have her Dad in my corner. He lives in an apt. in my house, and we have become very close. He doesn't know what's going on, but he knows she doesn't come home from work or goes out at night a lot because on those days I would take the boys down to his apt. and eat with him. He always says why is she out again? she should be here with you and the boys, etc. real old-fashioned guy. So, we'll see.

So what do you tell him when he asks?

I have been covering for her. I tell him she has late meetings at work or is going to be with her brother (which is actually true some nights) or that she is visiting her best friend. I have been conflicted about saying anything to him. I want him to hear it from her, also I thought by me telling him it would make me look like I was trying to turn her family against her.

Whether or not to proactively expose is one thing. But there's no way in hell you should LIE to him, just to cover up her affair.

In fact, I think you should tell her "Oh, by the way, I've decided I will no longer lie to cover up your affair," and then let HER figure out who she needs to tell!!

Something to think about, puppy, thanks.

What would you say to him if, months from now, he finds out the truth and asks you "Why didn't you tell me? I thought you respected me more than to lie to me . . . "

????

Just finished my workout. Hard to believe I uses to be a couch potato. Now I get upset when I miss a day at the gym. I love coming here. Besides the workout, it's great because I am out of the house and in a room full of strangers who don't know me or what's going on. I can pretend like everyhing is normal. In fact, I am typing this in my car trying to prolong before I have to go home.
Speaking of which, I believe I am in full limbo mode again. W is pleasant, still makes it clear that we are just co-habitating basically for the kids and money. It's like Thinker has said. She likes the family aspect of the R, nit the romantic aspect. I think I can do this for a little while while DBing and LRTing.
Suggestions on how to do this while living together with lids would be appreciated.
Well, I guess i should go home. I do have to get up at 4 for work tomorrow, so maybe I'll just go to MY bed.

I think the key to doing this Orich, is that you have to pull ALLL the way back on acting like her husband. Treat her like a roommate, or the mailman, nothing more. Because if she gets some of her physical and emotional needs met by OM, and some of her emotional, financial and security needs met by you, she'll NEVER make a choice.

Us humans are, at the end of the day, path-of-least-resistance creatures, and we rarely do ANYTHING until we have to.

Puppy