Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers So it begins to get over my wife

Joshua,

Sometimes the best thing to do is do nothing....just sit still. She's showing interest...let her stew for awhile and worry she's losing you.

W came by again today. sandi and puppy nailed it on the head. she gave HER BEST to try and get romantic on me. I partially went along with it, and the stopped her and told her i will not keep doing this with her. i said she should be thinking harder about what she wants, and she said she has but still doesn't know (wtf?!) this is why i just give up trying with her. at all. i told her that it is ok to tell me what she really wants, as either way i will be happy and move on accordingly, but i again reiterated this will not continue much longer. (for the record, w has come back to the house 2x in two days now. previously she had stopped by once for 4 minutes during the entire month that she had left to pick up a few things she left behind).

she's shown some effort in trying to spend time with me and what not, which is a 2,000,000% increase over what she WAS doing. but still, come on. really?

before she left she asked about possibly spending the night tues and maybe wednesday next week to see how it goes... i said i think i have something going on tuesday nite and would have to recheck before i make any plans with her.

NOW... this is kinda a big deal to me. i wouldn't mind this, BUT is she really trying to test the waters with me, or is she trying to string me along? personally i feel 75% towards testing the waters, 15% towards stringing along, and 10% she has no clue what's going on in her own head.

should i allow this to go down? it would likely give us a chance to reconnect, and this was at HER REQUEST. i'm more then a little whatever about it, but at the same time, i'm kinda.... idk even know what i am about it, seriously.

does this sound like it might help my sitch? or is this just her trying to exert control over me? i need a nap again. i bit off more then i could chew at work last nite and only got like an hour of sleep today. i have to go back in a few hours.


OH! and she was going to take her chihuahua back home with her, and even had her loaded up in the car, but then brought her back saying how badly she was whining. she asked if she could stay here for awhile and i said i would take care of her. i love DOG too.

You have plans Tuesday and Wednesday. Remember?

Good job on the no-nookie, but c'mon, dude, what's with you and the rat-sitting???

Aye, carumba.

Puppy

Let's get you back on track. You are doing ok, but on the verge of letting this opportunity slip away..




First mistake. You shouldn't have even given her the opportunity.



Completely wrong interaction.

You should be saying things like...

"I told her that I am not sure right now what I WANT. I need some time to think."



NOPE.. IF you handle this correctly she SHOULD be asking YOU to tell her what YOU want. She would be telling YOU that it is ok to talk to HER. That is done by not revealing your own thoughts. Hold your cards close. Do not show your cards. NEVER say that "this will not go on much longer and I will be happy either way. It is weak and give THEM the power. The solution is to LIVE as if you HAVE moved on and that SHE has made a mistake she is going to regret. She WAS testing you. You failed. You now have reassured her. (which doesn't work)





EXCELLENT.. THIS is your opening...Make plans for Tuesday. Don't call her or ask her about it from this point on. LET HER CONTACT you. When she does contackt you.... "Oh, I forgot that we did talk about that. Sorry, but I can't. I have other plans. Let's do it some other time. Hey, I was just running out the door. Talk to you later...."


THEN go and enoy your plans. Do NOT tell her what you are doing. I wouuld recommend having a get together with a woman. Just a woman friend that you know tha she doesn't know well.It is even ok to let the woman in on the plan for dinner. Remember, reconcilation happens far more often when they KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE REJECTED and unsure if THEY have made the big boo boo. It can't be done by reassurances to them.



That is my take. For examples go back and read Pearl H. thread again.

Stay strong. Stay tough. Stay confident. Stay busy.

But let the record show, Da Turd DID CALL IT:

What Gucci said. ^

Josh, I'm giving you broad brush stuff, and predicting things before they happen, using standard "Script." Defer to Gucci for the specifics on the tactics (what to say, how to say it, etc.).

This is that opportunity I told you was coming. How you handle it is crucial.

Puppy

k i did screw up royally then. i wondered how badly because i didn't feel better after having the "conversation" i did with her today, it went NOWHERE. puppy, from now on, when you predict things, i'm going to need a bit more of a game plan. what gucci laid out gives me something to work with this time around.

question. do i tell her somethings come up and tuesday and wednesday aren't lookng like it's gonna work out at all? i want to take the power back, like all of it, pronto. knowing what i should have done is one thing, but what do i do going forward from RIGHT HERE? from what i can see gucci saying is let her come up for the visit, but begone for most of the time? it's not all that clear to me from what was provided.

It's all laid out in Gucci's post. You wait, and then you suddenly tell her you realize you can't do it Tuesday, and that you'll have to get back with her.

Re-read his post -- it's all in there.

Don't look at it as if you screwed up. Look at it as if you were "testing her"! Maybe she feels like you were teasing her, when in all reality, she meant to be the one to be doing the teasing! I just loved it when you stopped what she was doing. If you hadn't.....she had probably planned to stop just before the sex.....to string you along. Yes, that is exactly what she's doing. She's NOT testing the waters in the sense the book talks about. She isn't any more settled today that she was when this all started. You don't want to lose the ground you've gained. The fact that you were not so "easy" this time will only resolve her attempts to keep trying.

So, you were tempted.....you didn't give in! Even Christ was "tempted". It is how you deal with the temptation that counts.....and I think you did great. Look, you already have your toughest male critics' approval.....(not to mention mine ) So, that should make you feel good about how you dealt with the situation.

It will get worse. She is going to pull out all the stops. When you don't give in to her teasing & intiating sex, then expect her to use her tears one time--and fit of anger another, just to see if you'll cave in to her that way. She has a whole list of tricks up her sleeve that she will resort to using......so be prepared and be strong! If you hold her off this time, you can make it. But as the guys here have said, it would be best for you to be gone on the nights she wanted to stay with you, to show her you aren't waiting and that you don't "need" her. However, still expect her to show up "unannounced" late some lonely evening.

Of course you know that the dog is her "ticket" to use to come over to see...(another trick). You may have to make some decision about the pet--if she's going to do that (and she will as long as she can).

Keep up the good job!

Sandi

k i'm playing ball a different way from now on with her. after thinking about what everyone here has said, i'm going near pitch black on her again. she probably is getting too comfortable.

she just called 2x about 20 minutes ago. didn't answer. then she texted me, "hey babe. please call me back."

i don't think so. and i am going to be busy tuesday. i had a long talk with my close female friend who knows her very well and she laid out all the same things you guys said W would do. she also told be what is going to come after this if i keep going the right path. so that's where i'm pointing this bus towards.

honestly the more i think about everything she did to screw me over in this sitch, the more pissed i am becoming about it. i'm not going to have a problem sticking to my plan i do believe.