Want to add 2 things: 1 - that I looked like @ss when I saw H, because I had just finished working out. Wasn't expecting him to show up at MIL's as it was during work hours. Hate when that happens. 2 - that there's very little chance of H going back to ow now that he's broken up with her and moved out. MIL has emphasized this to me twice, saying that's how H is. When I said that means he could be the same with me, she said "It's different with you". Hopefully a case of mother knows best.
SH, You know, I don't think I would look at the past years as being a waste.
First, something had to change. If this is what it took for H to grow up, then it is worth it.
Also, if you are busy working on yourself, you have made positive changes that you would not have made if you were enmeshed in R w/H.
I was in a codependent relationship and am glad to have gotten out of it. I take care of myself now. don't know if it would be possible to have another R w/H where it would not be like that.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
SH MY sons room is blue walls light- medium blue white door ,ceiling and light and white blinds His sheets do have red in them red spiderman so you were very close what else was in that dream> peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
forward: Very good point. I remember thinking the same, back when I was thinking clearly. Hope it's worth it for H in the end.
peace: That's exactly what I dreamt, painted blue walls with white trim - which I guess is pretty normal for a boy's room. I didn't see Spiderman though... His room was also upstairs, right by the staircase. Are you or is your H Asian? You don't have to answer that if you don't want to disclose too much about yourself on here. It was just part of the dream as well.
yes his room is upstairs by the staircase I am not asian but I have been told I look hispanic once in a while something else tell me more about the dream what was the message? peace its good that his mother is on your side.. I dont think it is ever worth it what I sense from my x is that he is trying to make his new life fit so he can at least feel justified in his actions my mentor pointed out to me that xh really did not get his freedom as he planned he just went from one R to another and lost many things in the switch including his kids, money, wife, family, respect, home, business control, dog, possessions he got OW 28--maybe she is all that and worth it -but he also lost HIMself so how can any change be worth all that loss peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Ha, I almost typed Asian, Hispanic, or olive skin toned, but went with the one that felt stronger. Y'know, I'm not sure the dream had a message. You brought me to your house and we went straight upstairs (slightly narrow staircase with white banisters) to your son's room. I think we were going out somewhere and you were going to have your D babysit - you said it was ok to leave them home alone, you didn't need your H to watch them. It was just a random dream. (If your son's bed is a twin, in the corner, up against a wall with a window near the foot of the bed, I'll be a little freaked out.) But otherwise, I really think it was just a meaningless dream. The feeling I got from it though was that you had become comfortable with your life and your routines and you and your kids were moving on without your H. He was still there, but kind of like in his own bubble while the 3 of you were in another bubble - which, of course, is what I've gotten from reading your posts.
Yes, you're right about them trying to justify their actions. If not, what was it all for? They have to prove that they were right to leave their family. That's why it's so important for the LBS to back off and not tell them what they're doing wrong. The more we tell them, the more they need to justify and try to prove to the world how right their actions are. My friend also pointed out to me that in the end, ow broke up the R by wanting the very things my H was trying to run away from! Responsibilities of having a wife and kids and a committed R.
Your H's ow is NOT all that, I promise you. I think it's in the nature of most women to want a committed R. Plus, she's at the age where she's probably thinking about getting M and having kids of her own. She'll be putting the pressure on him before long and his response will determine whether their R lasts.
Yes, it's great that MIL is on my side. But I have the added burden of her asking me not to file and to wait for her S to wake up. I realize my situation is easy compared to most, so I don't let this bother me. Things could be so much worse.
SH MY son has a twin bed against the wakk with a window to the top of the bed the staircase is narrow long and whitr with wood floors I love my house! I like your dream and it is totally accurate I think we have moved on my xh is still showing up and slightly connected like a shell of a man but I am elsewhere..still on /off with my dance friend with this guy in my life -its like xh who?
MY H ow is already divorced at 24 or 25 right before she started with XH xh cant have any more kids so maybe ahe doesnt know or care
peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
How nice that you have the distraction of dance friend to keep your mind off of x. It makes a huge difference. Sometimes I wonder if H leaving is a blessing in disguise. Maybe this is my chance to fall in love again and to get to have the excitement of first kisses again!
I've been thinking a lot about the possibility of H meeting someone new. Ironically, my fear is that she will be a decent girl. One who I, his family and friends won't be able to disapprove of, who will take my place and become a dreaded step-mother to my kids. (Of course, if the M is really over, this would be best.) But the more I think about it, the harder it is for me to imagine a decent girl falling for him, considering all his baggage. Not sure my MIL would give her a chance either, since she's against us getting D. My guess is that he'll affair down with the next one as well - if you can still call it an affair at this point.
Sounds like your xH picked someone with issues of her own. Maybe she hasn't started questioning him about kids yet... She worked at the office, right? Does your brother know anything about her? Not that it matters - just out of curiosity.
Your dream comments are very interesting. Despite the fact that we don't know each other IRL, I think we do feel connections to each other's stories.
I remember dreaming that MWG posted that H came home. In fact, I said it on here, somewhere.
I pay a lot of attention to dreams. I find myself a bit sad because the last one so clearly said to move on. However, I also believe that ultimately it is somehow saying what is best for us, and I do have faith in that.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
My dream last night was that H had come home. We were getting along well, as if nothing had happened. H picked up a new hobby and was spending time on his own working on it. I remember feeling left out from what he was doing and wanting to be included, but also thinking that I needed to give him space and to let him have his own life away from me/kids.
Hopefully, the message was that I've actually learned a little something through all of this and that I don't have to be control freak about everything.
